Top Songs for the 2011 Minnesota Vikings

Scott ReighardAnalyst IDecember 30, 2011

Top Songs for the 2011 Minnesota Vikings

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    In this year of laments, gnashing of teeth, and loathing of the home team, and we're not even talking politics here, we sit and wait as the dismal season of 2011 winds down. Thank the big guy, unless you're Bill Maher of course.

    However, before you begin considering naloxene as an antidote to this season's woes, please consider the air is fresh, the sun still shines, and most likely you'll get lucky on New Year's Eve.

    With that said, as a tribute to this year's Vikings, I wanted to hand out some award winning songs that in some way will capture the essence of who the Vikings really are. That is not to say that I am going to do my best imitation a la Glee, but a tweak here or there could enhance these songs' playability.

    I beg your patience and understanding as I play around with some of the lyrics to these songs. I try to maintain the integrity of the melody and rhythm, not so much the rhyme.

    Besides, often it's more about the title than it is the lyrics, but let's have some kicks and giggles as we painfully wish this season from our memory.

Team Awards: Defense

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    Ah, the defense, like an ineffective anti-perspirant, the Vikings defense well, stunk this year. Sure there were bright spots, but all in all we would have to say this year's Vikings defense would be on double secret probation for their performances this fall.

    In honor of the defense, I think most of us would agree that we think about, "What Could Have Been." Instead of "A Tale of Two Cities," by Dickens, it was more of, "A Tale of Two Halves," by the Vikings defense.

    So, here are the lyrics to Frio's "What Could Have Been" which most likely rose to the top of the charts in the Kardashian household just a few short months ago.

    Imagine these in Lyric form. They have been joined together for space purposes. Also, I do not use entire songs for every analogy, but this one needed it.

    If only I could turn back the time/When all the words we say/We can make it rhyme/I just can't get you off my mind/I can only smile when you were mine.

    Refrain: I've been waiting for you all night long/Gotta listen to your voice on the phone.

    Chorus: Could have been a perfect love/I'm still trying/I know you've lost your faith in me/Now I'm crying, I know I've been such a fool/I've been blind/Can we just get back to where we've started?

    Now my version:

    If only we could turn back the time/When all the plays we didn't make/We can make them this time/ We just can't get off the field/We can only hope they turn the ball over

    Refrain: We've been waiting to make a play all game/Gotta make a play to save the day

    Chorus: Could have been a great season/We're still trying/We know you've lost your faith in us/We're still trying/We know we've been a disappointment/We've been blind/Can we just get back to where we started?

Team Awards: Offense

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    Hmm, how does one examine this year's offense? How did Leslie Frazier put it, "It's a work in progress." Okay, I'll buy that, although many fans do not have the patience Coach Frazier has, but let's run with it.

    Here is "A Work in Progress" by Alan Jackson.

    Okay, I forgot about the trash/I didn't trim the long hairs on my mustache/I did buy you a ring I believe it was back in 93/All right, I admit it I forgot our anniversary/But I did pick up the baby this morning at the nursery/That ain't no big thing but it's gold star for me.

    Oh honey now be patient/I'm a work in progress

    My version:

    Okay, I forgot the blitzing backer/I didn't chip the end for I thought I was the tackler/I did make a false start/All right, I admit it I forgot the snap count/But I did pick up the blitzing corner/That ain't no big thing but it's a plus for me

    Come on fans now be patient/We're a work in progress

Team Award: Special Teams

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    Is it me or did the Vikings Special Teams give up at least one return of 40 yards or more each game this year?  Sometimes they amazed us by allowing it to happen more than once in a game.

    Oye! Special teams boils down to two things: discipline and tackling, neither of which the team had this year. I guess the adage, "when it rains it pours" could be added to the list of songs for the Vikings this year, but for the special teams, I thought the song, "Where are You?" by Benton Paul best fit the bill.

    Original song:

    I'm out there searchin'/I'm out there wonderin'/Where she is-where is she?

    I spend most of my time/Dreamin' of/What it's like-what is it like?

    To be secure in someone's arms/Someone's charm/I want to be real sure that/What I am doing's right-what is right?

    My version:

    We're out there searchin'/We're out there wonderin'/Where he is-where is he?

    We spend most of our time/Dreamin' of/Making tackles-what's it like?

    To make a secure tackle in my arms/I'm the team's charm/I want to be real sure/That I tackled the right guy-did I?

Individual Award: Jared Allen

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    Perhaps the only bright spot for the defense this year was Jared Allen. Yes, some guys played consistent, others played less than their ability, and others were just plain missing in action.

    Nevertheless, I thought it fitting that since Jared Allen was recently voted to this year's Pro Bowl as the Vikings lone representative, I would honor him with Katrina and the Waves' "I'm Walking on Sunshine."

    Original:

    I used to think maybe you loved me now baby I'm sure/And I just can't wait til the day when you knock on my door/Now every time I go for the mailbox got a hold myself down/Cos I just can't wait till you write me your coming around.

    I'm walking on sunshine, wooah!/I'm walking on sunshine, wooah! - You get the point

    My version:

    I used to think maybe you loved me now fellow players I'm sure/And I just can't wait til the day they vote for the Pro Bowl/Now every time I go for the ballot got a hold myself down/Cos I just can't wait til my name shows up on ESPN.

    I'm walking on sunshine, wooah/I'm walking on sunshine, wooah - You get it!

Individual Award: Adrian Peterson

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    First let me say, I hope AP's recovery is fast and full. I do not necessarily care that he returns for Game 1; I just want the "real" AP back, that's all.

    Our workin' man is just that, a workin' man, and there was a song that instantly came to mind for me and a song by the great country artist Merle Haggard called, "Workin' Man Blues."

    This one's for you, AP.

    Original:

    It's a big job just gettin' by with nine kids and a wife/I been a workin' man dang near all my life/I'll be working as long as my two hands are fit to use/I'll drink my beer in a tavern/Sing a little bit of these workin' man blues.

    I keep my nose to the grindstone, I work hard every day/Might get a little tired on the weekend, after I draw my pay/But I'll go back workin', come Monday mornin' I'm right back with the crew/I'll drink a little beer in the tavern/Sing a little bit of these workin' man blues.

    My version:

    It's a big job just gettin' by with nine guys and a rookie QB/But I been a workin' man and that's all I'll ever be/I'll be working long as my two legs are fit to use/I'll drink my protein in the morning/Sing a little bit of these working man blues.

    I keep my nose to the grindstone, I work hard every day/I never get tired on the weekends, I'm AP all the way/And I'll go back workin' come Monday morning I'm right back with the crew/I'll drink my shake in the morning/Sing a little bit of these workin' man blues.

    Return soon AP.

Individual Award: Percy Harvin

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    What can we say about Percy Harvin? When every defense the Vikings play game plans two people, Peterson and Harvin, Harvin has to feel there are at least five guys in the defensive back field looking for him. What a shame! Imagine this guy in Green Bay? Not that I want him there, but could you imagine?

    Percy, there are so many songs that I could have gone with here, but I found one by one of my all-tme favorite groups, Earth, Wind, and Fire, and it's called, "Shining Star" because you are Minnesota's shining star.

    Original:

    When you wish upon a star/Ya dreams will take ya very far/When you wish upon a dream/Life ain't always what it seems, oh yeah

    You're a shining star no matter who you are/Shining bright to see what you can truly be/That you can truly be

    My version:

    When we wish upon a star/Our dreams will take us oh so far/When we wish upon a dream/Life ain't always what it seems, oh yeah

    Harvin's a shining star no matter who you are/Shining bright to see for only you and me/For only you and me

    By the way, that this guy didn't make the Pro Bowl? Come on, man!

Individual Award: Christian Ponder

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    There has been much debate lately about the future of Christian Ponder, and I am greatly saddened by all the fair-weather fans who are too impatient.

    Look, the Vikings were going nowhere this year. I think this has been a great lesson for Ponder. He understands what it's like to prepare for a full NFL season.

    I have a lot of faith in Ponder, and I have expressed these feelings like Michael Irvin has for Tim Tebow. I even wrote about how Ponder's rookie numbers are better than Aikman's, Elway's, and Steve Young's. There are other QBs to list, but here is my song to Christian Ponder.

    It's called, "New Soul" by Yael Naim. I think it really fits here.

    Original:

    I'm a new soul/I came to this strange world/Hoping I could learn a bit 'bout give and take/But since I came here, felt the joy and the fear/Finding myself making every possible mistake

    La, la, la, la (repeat 20 times)

    See I'm young in this very strange world/Hoping I could learn a bit 'bout what is true and fake/But why all this hate? Try to communicate/Finding trust and love is not always easy to make

    My version:

    I'm a new QB/I came to this strange team/Hoping I could learn a bit 'bout the pros/But since I came here, felt the joy and the fear/Finding myself making every possible mistake

    La, la, la, la (repeat 20 times)

    See I'm young in this crazy pro game/Hoping I will know the coverage of the other team/But why all this hate? I'm just a rookie see/Gaining trust and love is not always easy to make

Individual Award: Joe Webb

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    I'll tell you what, Joe Webb has to be a pretty happy guy, everybody loves Joe right now. He's that spark plug that replaces one that is not firing on all cylinders. Of course, 99 percent of us have no idea the extent of Ponder's injury, or what is happening in terms of offensive scheme when either quarterback is in the game.

    One thing Joe has brought is excitement. People are beginning to think he's a Cam Newton clone. But as of now, Joe is still the "back up." Uh, the injustice! Well Joe, this one's for you, Aretha Franklin come on down and give us a little bit of that, "Respect" girl.

    Original:

    (Ooh) What you want/(Ooh) Baby, I got/(Ooh) What you need/(Ooh) You know I got it/All I'm askin'/Is for a little respect when you come home

    My version:

    (Ooh) What you want/(Ooh) Frazier I got it/(Ooh) What you need/(Ooh) You know I got it/All I'm askin'/Is for a little respect when you watch film

2012: A Change of Seasons

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    Someone once said, "It's darkest just before the dawn." Actually that quote comes from Proverbs, but perhaps fittingly the dark days are upon this organization and it needs to be lifted.

    Things have looked awfully bad these last two years, and only the days ahead will show us if the Vikings turn into this decades Detroit Lions, or whether this is some aberration we all will wake up from in a year and say, what was that?

    Regardless of what happens between now and game No. 1 for the Vikings next September, we hold out hope for a better day, and yes, the sun will rise tomorrow.

    Wait a minute, found my song, "The Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow" from Annie. Of course, isn't that it?

    Well, wait a minute, I have another one for next year, it's Bobby McFerrin and, "Don't Worry, Be Happy!"

    Have a great 2012, everybody. Here's hoping the Vikings get that navigational equipment straightened out and we have fair winds and following seas.