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THAT CAN’T BE RIGHT
The ridiculous stat lines, improbable scores, and ticker typos that cause double-takes everywhere…
On Wisconsin… The Badgers scored touchdowns on their first nine drives of the game against Austin Peay. Read the previous sentence one more time to make sure it sinks in: that might be the most unbelievable stat in the history of this column. Wisconsin ended up winning 70-3, and the game wasn’t nearly that close. Not sure what happened to the Big Ten’s “three yards and a cloud of dust” image, but I definitely didn’t expect 73, 70, and 65 points from the Buckeyes, Badgers, and Wolverines.
Shouldn’t he be rusty by now? Speaking of Michigan, Tate Forcier got his first playing time of the season and took full advantage, merely hitting on all 12 of his pass attempts for 110 yards and a touchdown against Bowling Green.
It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times, it was the worst of times, it was the worst of times, it was the worst of times, and THEN it was the best of times… Alabama-Birmingham kicker Josh Zahn was 0-5 on field goal attempts in regulation at Tennessee. That’s not bad. That’s horrible. Zahn missed from 41, 35, 49, 30, and 54, and somehow the Blazers still managed to take the Vols to overtime. Incredibly, Zahn made both of his overtime field goal tries, a 35-yarder to tie the game at 26-all (imagine what was going through the young man’s head right before that kick!) and a 21-yarder that gave the Blazers a short-lived lead in the second extra session.
On the other end of the place-kicking spectrum… If UTEP kicker Dakota Warren doesn’t get every special teams player of the week award imaginable after his performance against Memphis, I will personally file as many protests as it takes to see that the issue is corrected.
Warren drilled a 57-yard kick in the first quarter, a 50-yarder in the fourth, and then finished things off by knocking through the game-winner from 18 yards out with only three seconds left. The Miners prevailed, 16-13.
My crusade against incorrect television graphics continues… FSN’s on-screen scoreboard had Oregon leading 31-24 for the first minute and a half of third-quarter action, despite the fact that the Ducks only had 28 points. I know we all expect Chip Kelly’s high-octane offense to score on pretty much every play at this point, but that’s still jumping the gun a little bit.
Looks like Favre/Farve has competition in the “most commonly misspelled quarterback name” category… Arkansas senior Ryan Mallett has two T’s in his last name, not one. Yes, I’m talking to you, ESPN. (Always love to see the College GameDay topic bar spell a name one way while the banner across the middle of the picture spells it a different way.)
For those who have a tough time keeping it straight, allow me to offer this reminder: when referring to a hammer-shaped object, spell “Mallet” with only one T.
When referring to quarterbacks that choke away signature wins because they don’t have the arm strength to throw the ball out of bounds properly, use two Ts. Does that clear it up?
His fantasy numbers just went through the roof… Trey Burton had five carries for Florida in a 48-14 win over Kentucky. Trey Burton had five rushing touchdowns for Florida in a 48-14 win over Kentucky.
That’s as close to automatic as it gets. (Oh, and Burton caught a touchdown too, just to prove he’s multi-dimensional and all.)
Hook ‘em Bruins…All kinds of strange stats in Austin this weekend, including UCLA pounding the top-ten Longhorns 34-12, the Bruins going almost exclusively to the run game (it’s not often that the winning quarterback is 5-8 for 27 yards), and Texas turning in its sloppiest performance in recent history (don’t look now, but I think they just fumbled again).
Back-to-back… Stanford two-way player Owen Marecic pulled off what has to be one of the rarest feats in college football Saturday at Notre Dame, scoring on a one-yard touchdown plunge (from his running back position) to put the Cardinal up 27-6 and then getting in the end zone again on the VERY NEXT SNAP.
When the Irish took over at their own 16 after the ensuing kickoff, Marecic picked off a Dayne Crist pass on the first play (from his linebacker spot) and ran it back 20 yards for another score.