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MAYBE BROADCASTING IS EASIER THAN I THOUGHT
This week’s wacky and weird announcer quotes…
“I think I saw what I saw.” – Jay Walker
“This M is not Marshall on the helmets” – Mark May describing the Miami Hurricanes. Actually Mark, that letter on their helmets is called a U, not an M.
“James Madison’s best work since the Federalist Papers.” – Rece Davis
“It’s like playing kill-the-man in the backyard. “– Kirk Herbstreit
“Mason hasn’t touched me yet this show.” – Gerry DiNardo
“The guy athletically, in person, looks the part. He’s Superman. Does he play like Jane?” Craig James on Auburn quarterback Cameron Newton. Craig, it's Superman and Lois, Tarzan and Jane. Please study up on your cartoon history. Thanks in advance.
“We had an official who wound up on his keister, back-side over tea-kettle, in the end zone.” – Rece Davis
“I love him like a very distant cousin.” – Dave Revsine
“He’s the Benjamin Button of the Purdue defense” – Tom Hart on longtime veteran Jason Werner
“This is not like back in the day, when if [lightning] didn’t hit you in the helmet, it wasn’t a problem.” – Mike Patrick
"That is a lateral, but it’s a completion.” – Brad Nessler. Um, okay.
“East Lansing, about an hour-and-a-half drive there, located just to the east of Detroit.” – Rob Stone. Apparently the city of East Lansing has been relocated into the middle of Lake Erie?
“I just want his dreadlocks for one day.” – Dave Lapham
“The truck is saying they’d rather see you have a waist like him.” – Bill Land
“If they play Dakota Fanning, they’re going to have trouble.” – Rece Davis on Minnesota’s recent struggles against teams like North Dakota State and South Dakota
“And then the roof caved in, almost literally.” – Mike Patrick describing a thunderstorm in open-air Neyland Stadium
“Throw some syrup on that pancake.” – Dave Lapham
“You have to look around the Pac-10 and you’ve got a lot of teams that are underrateable.” – Mike Pawlawski. Mr. Webster never heard of that particular word before.
And last but certainly not least, faithful readers of this column are reminded once again why this segment has been unofficially dubbed the “Lou Holtz Specials." And let’s be fair to Mr. Holtz, because it must be tough to be an Irish homer when your favorite program has been mired in mediocrity for so long. But of all the strange things Holtz has said over the past couple of years, I think that this quote takes the cake. Without further ado, I give you Lou Holtz describing why Notre Dame’s defense had such a great day Saturday:
“But this is also encouraging for Notre Dame’s defense, because Denard Robinson’s gonna do that to a lot of folks, but I think the rest of the Michigan offensive football team gained less than 50 yards.” – Lou Holtz
In case you’ve been living under a rock somewhere, the Denard Robinson Holtz speaks of single-handedly destroyed the Irish by amassing 502 total yards of offense, shattering the Michigan quarterback record by OVER 100 YARDS. But hey, the Irish should be encouraged because they contained everyone else.
Or to put it differently, “Other than the assassination, how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln?”