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MAYBE BROADCASTING IS EASIER THAN I THOUGHT
This week’s wacky and weird announcer quotes…
“You just saw right there, that offensive line playing the piano.” – Craig James
“No sign of the field goal team, excuse me, third down, no wonder.” – Mike Patrick
“Nice job here of Zach Collaros understanding there is a huge circle in the middle of this defense that is left undefended.” – Jesse Palmer (Actually, Jesse, we usually call that open non-symmetrical space a “hole”. It’s only a circle because you drew a pretty yellow one on the telestrator…and unfortunately, Zach can’t see your artwork from the field!)
“When you see guys running down the field like that all the time, that’s not a good thing.” – Craig James explaining why allowing 80-yard punt return TDs is, in fact, bad.
“Some guys just have quick twitch fiber.” –Chris Martin (Exactly how I would have described it, Chris.)
“There may not be anything wrong, but if your Heisman Trophy candidate running back is on the sideline for this long, there’s something that isn’t right.” – Mike Patrick (In related news, I’m actively looking for volunteers that can explain to me the difference between something being wrong and something not being right.)
“Childs please!” – Dave Pasch describing a game-winning 40-yard touchdown pass to Arkansas wideout Greg Childs
“How about this for a segue? This is what we do for a living, just smoothly go right in to the Red Slawlibber, ha ha…the Red Lobster Scholar Athlete.” – Verne Lundquist (Verne, it seems like you and I might have different definitions of “smooth”.)
“Touchdown George Bell…he dropped it.” – Mike Patrick
“True freshman: he just came to school this year.” – Bob Griese (We like to call that the Department of Redundancy Department.)
“I’d be breathing fire for a week.” – Craig James
“Mike Stoops is on some Red Bull chased with espresso.” – Mark Jones
“Once again the final score: Wisconsin 21, Arizona State 20” – Mike Patrick (It was actually 20-19, but who’s counting?)
“Good play call: I like the execution, except for the fact that he threw it a little bit high over his head and the ball was picked off.” – Bob Griese
“Touchdown, Arkansas! No flags! ….there is a flag…” – Dave Pasch
“It’s probably either punt or fake or go for it.” – Mike Bellotti providing some revolutionary options on a fourth-and-2 for Minnesota.
Time for the Lou Holtz NOTRE DAME HOMER quote of the week. This edition refers to the fake field goal that Michigan State used to stun the Irish. “It was well played by Notre Dame: they defended that very, very well.” – Lou Holtz (Um, Coach? The Spartans SCORED! If that was well-defended, I’d hate to see what poor defense looks like.)
A couple other notes: the Oregon State/Louisville telecast got a lot of great close-up shots of head coach Charlie Strong on the sideline. Unfortunately, there was one small problem: most of them were of someone else, not Strong.
Oh, and am I the only guy that hears Craig James refer to Texas Tech as a “hostile environment” and immediately thinks, “Wow, that phrase has a whole new meaning?”
If you hear a weird or wacky announcer quote during the football weekend, send it my way! E-mail cfcmailbag (at) yahoo (dot) com by 1:00 pm ET each Sunday: your submission could make it in to next week’s COMPREHENSIVE.