Ohio State Will Beat USC: And Here's How It Will Happen

In case you hadn’t heard, there’s a pretty big football game tonight. A football game so big it’s been on everyone’s mind since, I don’t know, the first week of January. A football game so big that it requires me to pull on a pair of lucky boxers that I haven’t worn in those eight months.

Yes, I’m talking about Wisconsin at Fresno State, and I got my Bulldog boxers out and ready…

(What, I can’t have a little humor on a Saturday morning?)

All right, it’s Ohio State-USC. The Collision in the Coliseum. The Game of the Century. Whatever moniker you want to insert here. And all we’ve been hearing about for weeks, months really, is every analyst in the country’s thoughts on this game.

Well, I have nothing new to add to everything that’s already been said by every media outlet in the free world. But obviously, I wanted to preview this showdown. So what’s a columnist to do?

Simple: I played the game. And you’re about to get a blow-by-blow account of it here, courtesy of my roommate Tyler’s XBOX 360 and our copy of “NCAA Football 2009”.

I set the game up (five-minute quarters, on my “Super-Heisman” mode with jacked-up computer AI levels) and we’re underway…

“Ohio State needs good play out of its defense, especially this LB [James Laurinaitis] to slow down this offense,” Kirk Herbstriet says before kickoff. I win the toss and elect to receive, and Ray Small takes the kick to my 35.

On my first play, I try a fake to Brandon Saine (yes, I took Beanie Wells to make it realistic) and look downfield for Brian Robiskie, but Todd Boeckman’s sacked immediately. Then there’s a holding penalty to make it 2 & 29—just the start I’m looking for.

(Where’s that damn reset button…)

I spread the field with five wide and hit Dane Sanzenbacher for 18 yards, then get Brian Hartline dragging across the middle to convert on 3 & 11. “Great throw by the quarterback there,” Lee Corso says. Thanks, Lee. But I only pick up two yards on the next three plays and have to punt.

My defense comes out and sets the tone, nearly picking off a screen pass, and Laurinaitis drops Trojan tailback Stafon Johnson for loss of four as we force a three and out.

I decide to go for the punt block, and USC has to keep everyone in to protect. This leaves a HUGE open field for Small, who fields it at my 25 and crosses midfield, going all the way to the USC five before the punter knocks him out. Two runs by Saine gets me to the one, but Boeckman gets stuffed on a sneak to make it four and GL.

Decision time. Well, more just a matter of deciding what play to actually call, because anyone who kicks a field goal from the one foot line in a video game should have his or her hands cut off. I spread the field with four wide and send Saine up the middle, who breaks a tackle in the backfield and squeezes in to make it 7-0 Bucks with 45 seconds left in the first quarter.

Defense takes over after Joe McKnight takes the kick back to the 41. USC gains nine yards on the first three plays, and Pete Carroll tries to go for it on 4 & 1. Bad call. Laurainaits and Austin Spiller stuff Johnson for a loss, and I take over in Trojan territory.

(I don&

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