There are other, more embarrassing ways to be arrested, but not many.
We wish them both luck living this down.
The report needed one last piece of juicy information, so Zaleski tweeted this out after writing the story:
This will cause some locker room jokes. #Ball State players Jonathan Newsome, Toney Williams tried to shoplift "male enhancement pills"— Doug Zaleski (@DougZaleski) August 24, 2012
Please join me in standing for a rousing production of the slowest clap ever imagined. Bravo, indeed.
It's not like this is even the worst of Newsome's troubles.
The initial report paints a grim picture of an athlete who couldn't manage to stay out of trouble. Here is an excerpt from The Star Press:
Ball State football coach Pete Lembo announced this afternoon that starting defensive end Jonathan Newsome will be suspended for the Cardinals' first two games of the season.
Newsome was arrested early Monday morning and charged with possession of marijuana. The discovery came after he was stopped by Muncie police for failing to use a turn signal while driving near campus.
A records check after the traffic stop reflected the Jeep’s Washington, D.C., license plate was expired, and also made the officer aware of an outstanding warrant on a charge of conversion.
The conversion charge was tied to a previous shoplifting case, but information was not available to Zaleski at the time he filed the report.
After some more digging, he uncovered a couple of athletes who decided to steal some male enhancement pills.
I am guessing they didn't pay for them because forking over money to a judgmental clerk was just too embarrassing for the duo.
I wonder if it's any more embarrassing than the world finding out through multiple reports and tweets.
There is a moral here, and I think it may be—always pay for your male enhancement pills, men. Or, you could always just buy a sports car. It's more expensive, but slightly less shameful.
We are now 2-for-2 on male enhancement posts this week. Oakland A's pitcher Brandon McCarthy's wife recently kidded her hubby by asking on Twitter if ExtenZe was a PED.
Please, men. Stop all the enhancement, you are making us all look bad.
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