Will the Auburn Tigers send the BCS system into disarray this afternoon by mauling and munching the bedeviled LSU Tigers in Baton Rouge? Will Cheech and Chong replace two LSU players in the defensive backfield? Will Snoop Dogg fill-in at tailback?
To answer a different question, marijuana-advocating singer Willie Nelson isn't replacing Les Miles, LSU's head coach.
Following the daily unfolding news about the synthetic marijuana humiliation striking LSU—humiliation at first thought to be miles behind—Auburn’s chances increased three-fold.
In the first place, three pivotal LSU players were suspended without a time frame for their return. They’ll miss the Auburn game and possibly Alabama in two weeks if the NCAA steps in with sanctions.
Wisely, LSU announced the suspensions after administering self-imposed drug tests.
Although it may be true that the Tigers are the No. 1 team in the land, they aren’t No. 1 in terms of behavior outside the lines.
The byproduct of the dangerous behavior and rude boy swagger that seems to purvey LSU’s program could be a major loss of focus before this big game. The media is all over the latest saga on campus and should be.
The suspended players are alleged to be part of an organized criminal association based in beautiful but toxic Baton Rouge called LSU football.
That would be "Smoke on the Water"—a coy reference to inhaling pot through a bong.
In the second place, maybe LSU officials meant Matthieu was a "high man" trophy candidate. Mathieu was regarded by some experts as the best cornerback in the nation. Others listed him as a Heisman Trophy candidate.
The youngster is the cornerstone of LSU’s strong—not stoned—defensive unit. They are ranked No. 7 in the FBS in terms of points given up per game.
To be sure, some people will blame Mathieu’s outstanding start to the season on his alleged affiliation with synthetic drug use, but I beg to differ for an obvious reason.
That is, it’s a known scientific football fact that Tigers cannot growl when they’re high on synthetic pot. They can, however, yawn with the best of them.
With that, here’s my eye-opening prognostication for this huge game.
Auburn-LSU won’t be a sleeper. The drama surrounding the scandal will make for mandatory viewing for some people.
The Auburn Tigers will be out to show that they are defending national champions and still in the hunt to win the SEC, if not the national title. Judging by the polls and BCS rankings, an SEC team is almost assured a spot in the title game.
I don’t know if they can do it. I don’t believe they can this week, but the coaches and administrators have known about the pending suspensions for some time.
In other words, they’ve had time to prepare a game plan, whether they let the players know about the planned suspensions or not.
BCS No. 20 Auburn could tie LSU in the SEC West and give first place to Alabama. The Crimson Tide get to host the Tennessee Vols—a team 0-3 in the SEC and reeling.
The natural order of things in the conference could take a big hit if Auburn beats LSU and the Bayou Bengals bounce back to beat Alabama. That could put Auburn alone in first place.
In the third place, this is a serious situation and I beg the young men to get themselves together before it’s too late. According to the DEA, synthetic marijuana has skyrocketed to popularity over the last two years.
By coroner Greg Shore, synthetic pot was cited as causing the death of Lamar Jack, a 19-year-old basketball player at Anderson University in South Carolina, earlier this month.
Real weed was once legal in America and still is in parts of medicinal California and elsewhere, but man-made drugs are good for no one.
Unfortunately, LSU will reap what they’ve sowed and be upset by the visiting Auburn Tigers 24-23, burnt orange and navy.
The BCS will be mauled, but Cheech, Chong and Snoop won't be involved.
Contact Lake Cruise: Lakecruise@att.net