Which nutty former Big Ten powerhouses got lake-cruised, ship-rolled and hit the hardest this week by their conference foes?
If you're a fan of some of the weaker teams in the league, then you'll enjoy the hard-hitting entertainment herein, unlike the losses your teams went out in.
I never go out like a sucker; I score touchdowns, not field goals, in the red zone and tell it like it is, like it was and like it shall be. If you get defensive and don't like it, then you can bite your mouthpiece.
If you want the truth and to increase your Big Ten football knowledge, then you can't lose with Great Lake. Sail with me to find out which teams got cruised and who racked up winning yards like large yachts roll across the seven Big Ten-contending C's towards the championship.
May God bless Jerry Kill and the non-contending Minnesota Golden Gophers (1-5, 0-2 Big Ten). They need a football miracle in trying to win their second game of the season after being lake-cruised by a combined score of 103-17 in their last two.
The rest of their schedule includes Nebraska, Iowa, Michigan State, Wisconsin, Northwestern and Illinois. Kill has to be wondering if the forces of evil made this slate.
In another Big Ten battle of good versus evil—you decide which team was evil personified—the Hoosiers jumped out to a quick lead by returning the game's opening kickoff for a touchdown, but Indiana (1-5, 0-2 Big Ten) failed to keep the momentum up and got lake-cruised by the Illini's rolling good ship SS Scheelhaase-Jenkins.
The Wildcats have been getting dominated by losing three games in a row, including a somewhat disheartening loss to Michigan last Saturday night.
You know what it was—Northwestern (2-3, 0-2 Big Ten) had the Wolverines where they wanted them but ended up losing the game in snatching a defeat from the jaws of victory fashion. You know how that goes, Wildcats fans.
Thanks to Wiz Khalifa for the headline taken from his song Black and Yellow, but the Boilermakers are black and gold—so forget any thoughts of using it as a theme song for the next scheduled game.
Purdue (3-2, 1-0 Big Ten) has won three games this year after losing six in a row to end last year's run. It is what it is.
They get Penn State, Illinois, Michigan, Wisconsin, Ohio State, Iowa and Indiana next. Time for the Boilers to show and prove or self destruct and get lake-cruised.
The Buckeyes were up by 21 points in Lincoln, but they proved me right and wrong in my predictions about the Huskers. I got the victor right; I picked Nebraska to win a close game 17-16.
I thought they would come out and be angry on defense and show the prime time Saturday night college football world what the Blackshirts were all about. They did just that in the second half, but I expected it from the opening kickoff.
I'll see if the Huskers can dominate the whole game against their next opponent and if OSU will have any more players taken off the game day roster because of unforeseen NCAA infractions.
The Hawkeyes' dominance over Penn State in the last few seasons was unseen, and they got bitten by the host Lions at Beaver Stadium last weekend.
Losing 13-3 in a defensive struggle, Iowa (3-2, 0-1 Big Ten) appeared to be neither Hawks nor have offensive eyes against an inspired Penn State defense.
The Nittany Lions had plenty of bulletin board material from Iowa fans to motivate them. It worked.
Maybe Penn State's FBS No. 5-ranked defense was inspired to work harder by Joe Paterno's presence on the sideline.
JoePa had been relegated to coaching from the booth, and his young men responded to give him a hard-fought victory over their nemesis from Iowa.
The Nittany Lions (5-1, 2-0 Big Ten) can't let up against the Boilermakers next weekend, or leave it to Beaver's home crowd to rattle Purdue.
The dreaded passing game of the Huskers (5-1, 1-1) was becoming a nationwide-noticed problem until Taylor Martinez woke up and broke the Buckeyes off with a long touchdown strike to sophomore receiver Quincy Enunwa.
Not many FBS national championship hopeful programs throw it worse than Nebraska in my opinion, but NU could be reversing this trend. It'll be fun to watch the progression if this is the case.
They should have a lot of fun in a "practice game" at Minnesota after NU's bye week—as long as they don't sleep on the Gophers.
In the fun times FBS, Michigan State (4-1, 1-0 Big Ten) had the No. 2-ranked defense for giving up points per game. It had a bye week and a chance to prepare against its main interstate rival (Michigan).
This scenario didn't help Missouri, who had the week off before traveling to Kansas State in Manhattan. The Spartans will take note and prepare more than Mizzou did. MSU will be at home against the road-warrior Wolverines.
Behind the stellar play of their star quarterback to wide receiver dynamic duo—Nathan Scheelhaase to A.J. Jenkins—the Fighting Illini (6-0, 2-0 Big Ten) proved they could rally on the road.
After playing their first five games at home, coming from behind to beat a game—at least in the first quarter—Indiana team, Illinois stayed unbeaten. If they can get their running game to gel, then they will make a huge splash in the conference.
Denard Robinson's passing game is splashing on the scene this season as he swimmingly passed for 325 yards and ran for 117 in a comeback victory over a game Northwestern Wildcats squad to keep Michigan undefeated (6-0, 2-0 Big Ten).
Robinson accounted for four touchdowns—two each in the air and on the ground. I won't mention the three interceptions thrown from the shoulder.
Looking over their shoulders at no one close in the conference, if you ask me, is what Russell Wilson and the Badgers were doing with their bye week.
They get Indiana at home this Saturday. Don't look behind for an upset or else you'll get turned into a pillar of salt.
This has been your salt of the earth columnist. Join me next week for another entertaining edition of Lake's Big Ten Talk of the Town Rankings Run Down.
Contact Lake Cruise: Lakecruise@att.net