Whenever I'm watching college football, I find myself wondering whether or not what I'm watching is indeed college football.
Kids who aren't even old enough to drink shouldn't be 250 pounds of solid muscle or hover around 6'6" tall.
But, especially in recent years, freak-of-nature players seem to have become the rule rather than the exception.
The college football landscape is now filled with beasts, behemoths and barbarians.
Like these 10 players, whom we should never pick a fight with.
I had an awful dream the other day.
Instead of Travis Lewis holding that trophy above his head, he was catapulting me through the air because he realized that I was a Texas Longhorns fan.
And when Lewis wasn't doing that, he was racking up 343 tackles in his first three college seasons.
So maybe I shouldn't be the only who's worried.
The entire Big 12 conference should be freaking out a little bit, too.
Just look at Shayne Skov.
I mean, maybe it's just me, but it seems pretty clear that he's the long lost son of the Road Warriors.
Even scarier, he goes to Stanford.
So, not only does he look like a crazed madman, but he's actually smart, too.
In every brawl, there's a huge guy who doesn't have to throw many punches because his sheer body mass does the work for him.
That pretty much sums up Levy Adcock (insert joke here), an offensive lineman for Oklahoma State.
At 6'6", 320 pounds, he did an excellent job of protecting the quarterback last season, as the Cowboys ranked tenth in the nation in sacks allowed.
In other words, Adcock gets his college tuition paid because he b***hes people around on a daily basis.
I think I'll stay clear of this guy.
Yeah, this Tony Steward guy is going to be a true freakin' freshman.
Like, come on, is that even serious? How is that fair?
Steward, one of the nation's most coveted recruits for the class of 2011, literally looks like he was sculpted from stone back in 4,000 B.C.
In fact, I'm not quite sure he wasn't.
First things first: Jared Crick is 6'6", 285 pounds, which probably gives him about one foot and 100 pounds on the average male.
And my brother, who played college football, tells me that easily the scariest team he faced is...Nebraska.
His words: "It's like all they do in Nebraska is workout. It's insane."
I'll take his word for it.
Rule No. 1 in life: You never mess with anyone named Rambo.
But especially not someone named Bacarri Rambo, which sounds like a cocktail mixed with a bad action movie but is actually the name of Georgia's hard-hitting safety.
Rambo—I still can't get over that—flies all over the field, sometimes completely whiffing on tackles, but usually totally destroying whomever he hits.
He's not all that big (6'0", 211), but I'm taller than him and only weigh 175 pounds.
So who am I kidding?
This will be Brandon Shell's first season as a Gamecock, and, no, it's because he's switching over from a junior college.
That picture you're looking at is of a high school man-child.
I'm guessing Shell's either 17 or 18 years old in this picture, which means he's at least four years younger than me.
I hope those years of added experience would pay off for me in a fight.
If not, I'm screwed.
Lost in all the hoopla surrounding guys like Da'Quan Bowers and Nick Fairley last season was Brandon Jenkins.
But, to put it mildly, you don't wanna mess with this dude.
As a sophomore in 2010, the 6'3", 235-pound end racked up a whopping 14 sacks, showing unbelievable quickness, agility and athleticism in the process.
Jenkins made 300-pound offensive tackles look like your little sister's teddy bear, and he did that despite being just 20 years old.
I'd imagine he's going to turn every OT in the ACC into his personal whipping boy in 2011.
Have you ever watched Tank Carder play football?
It looks like the guy pounds back three Five-Hour Energy shots, three Red Bulls and two espressos before every game.
I mean, Carder is more of a psycho on the field than Jason Voorhees or Michael Myers.
And that's precisely why you should never mess with him.
How?! What?! Huh?!
Holy s#@t, Dorian Bell is absolutely jacked out of his mind.
I'll be honest, I haven't really heard much about him since he's been at Ohio State.
But you know what? That means absolutely nothing.
Unless I had like 20 of my boys with me and he was by himself, I wouldn't go anywhere near him.