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MAYBE BROADCASTING IS EASIER THAN I THOUGHT
This week’s wacky and weird announcer quotes…
“UCLA, to their never-ending credit, is actually returning to the field for the second half.” – Rece Davis
“Third and Palm Beach County to go.” – Mark Jones
“I hope you enjoyed the first half of Gone With the Wind.” – Ron Franklin
“They’re gonna mark it near the 30, I think.” – Bill Land as the official spots the ball at the 10-yard line.
“Both have been completions by the true, true freshman Rob Bolden.” – Rob Stone (As opposed to all of the false true freshmen, obviously.)
“It was all about, ‘We need to force the hand of the Illinois offense.’” – Brian Griese calling the Syracuse game (I guess the Orange at least wear the same colors as the Illini?)
“Let’s see if Ted Roof brings the house this time. [after ball is snapped] He brings em! That was the shack, but not the house.” – Verne Lundquist
“Beautiful drawing there by me.” – Chris Martin on the telestrator
“Is that a flag on the goalpost for a helmet-to-helmet hit?” – Tom Hart
“If you’re Miami, you have to get Miami off your own schedule right now—because your toughest opponent is yourself.” – Bob Davie
“And now all Georgia Tech has to do is try to run out the clock.” – Mike Patrick as Clemson takes over possession with two minutes to play, leading Georgia Tech 27-13.
“Gets into Hurricane terri-terry on this one.” – Mark Jones
“Converting 3rd downs is a lot easier if its 3rd and 5 or 4 or 3. 3rd and short rather than third and long." – Bob Griese
“Those legs! They’re so thick! Look at those calves!” – Gary Danielson
“The 14-yard line will be credited with that tackle.” – Rich Waltz
“He’s too Maggitt to quit…Hammer time!” – Dave Lapham after a Roosevelt Maggitt injury
“Let me correct that, it was just another football on the sideline being dropped, so the ballboy faked me out. Not another fumble...” – Carter Blackburn
“These guys are so green you could throw ‘em in a bonfire and they wouldn’t even sizzle.” – Brad Nessler
“Their offense had looked like a dance group. One, two, three, and kick.” – Verne Lundquist
“It’s nice to know you’ve still got one of those Smurfs here to catch the football.” – Bob Wischusen
“He’s been absolutely perfect outside those two interceptions.” – Brian Griese
“We were there live last year when Oregon State just took Boise State apart.” – Bob Davie (No idea what Bob’s referring to, since Boise A. didn’t play OSU last year and B. went undefeated.)
“I don’t think I’m going out on a limb in saying Purdue actually won that third quarter.” – Eric Collins after the Boilermakers and Buckeyes concluded a scoreless quarter (with OSU on top 42-0)
Memo to Brent Musburger: Kevin Kolb’s name should sound a lot closer to “Cob” then “Colb.”
Oh, and Gary Danielson, JaMarcus Russell no longer plays quarterback for LSU. Please update your 2006 program accordingly.
We finish with what has to be the quote of the year, referring to Tyrod Taylor’s win-loss record at Virginia Tech…
“Of course, Michael Vick at 21-1 was pretty doggone good.” – Steve Martin
Thanks to @csd72 and my faithful CFC correspondents for help compiling this week's quotes. Remember, if you hear a weird or wacky announcer quote during the football weekend, send it my way! E-mail cfcmailbag (at) yahoo (dot) com: your submission could make it in to next week’s COMPREHENSIVE.