SEC Week 5 Predictions: Larry's Losers in the SEC

This series is a tongue-in-cheek tribute to Leonard Postoasties and the weekly radio show he used to do in colorful, country dialect.

Most prognosticators would be happy with a 32-4 record, but an 87 percent accuracy rating ain't worth crowin' about around here.

Me and pickskin prognosticatin' pooch have had better days, and last week's two misses puts us back at the recipe bin to get that same batch we had two weeks ago, when life was good and we were perfect.

So, we anticipate this week's batch of smart cookies will help us bake up some better predictions, and here we go with them.

Stop that, Bacardi, you can only lick that bowl once it's empty!

Florida at Alabama

Urban Meyer brings his walking luggage boys into Tuscaloosa for a chance to regain the throne of the SEC, and he figures the Pachyderms ain't finished licking their wounds from last weeks Razorback tuskin'.

But the long trunks have a longer memory, and they think they remember how to make these boys tearful in Tuscaloosa, and they ain't aiming to give up the good seat just yet.

Anytime two top 10 teams tussle, there could be trouble for the one that's supposed to win, but I suspect the Tide will have enough alligator hides after this 'un to make lots of suitcases for their BCS trip this winter.

Larry's Loser - Florida

Louisiana-Monroe at Auburn

The Tigers from Auburn earned their stripes last week in knocking off a top SEC team and the Old Ball Coach. They also cost ol' Bacardi and me a loss on our record doing so.

This week, they have a Louisiana cake-decorating college showing up, and they want us to think that this is a football game.

Well, at least that boy, Cam Newton, can work on his Heisman stats, and Auburn can keep pumping themselves up till they eventually get de-clawed.

Larry's Loser - Louisiana-Monroe

Georgia at Colorado

Can these dogs be kicked any harder? With the season already over, all the dogs can do is play for out of conference pride since they've been kicked off the porch by the big dogs of the SEC.

And now they go west to face a herd of Buffalo on their home pasture. Now, their bison have been better in the past, but they think they can stomp these pooped pooches from the flat lands.

And even though Las Vegas says the Dogs are gonna have this day, I know a dead dog when I see one, and this one's already smellin'.

Larry's Loser - Georgia

Kentucky at Ole Miss - The Kentucky Kitties limp down to Oxford sore from their thumping from a big old batch of Gators and think that this could be the right place to get another SEC win this week by scratchin' up some old Rebels.

With last week's big win over Fresno State, Houston Nutt's hopin' that he's got the old Rebel train back on the tracks and they can come up from the bottom of the SEC.

This could be a dandy, but I think the Gators showed the old Rebels how to run it up on the Cats, and Masoli is gonna do like that Burton boy did last week.

Larry's Loser - Kentucky

Tennessee at LSU

Old Smokey's got them Vols on the trail to Baton Rouge, and he's trying to sniff them out a trail to victory. But, LSU aims to make the only thing the Vols smell be grass and dirt, as they'll try and plant them in that every chance they get.

So far this year, Derek Dooley's boys have run out of gas on the backstretch but were finally able to coast across the line last week against lowly UAB from Birmingham, and Les Miles ain't planning on letting them get to the gas pump this week either.

The winner will be five and oh-so-undefeated after this one, but they better not celebrate that too long, 'cuz the tough ones are just down the road.

Larry's Loser - Tennessee

Alcorn State at Mississippi State

The pooches are growing quickly in Dan's dog pound, and last week, the Bulldogs showed Georgia who the top dog is in the SEC. Well, top bulldog anyway.

Quick, who knows where Alcorn State is? Quick, who cares? They're from Lorman, Mississippi and I hate to even waste a cookie on this one.

Bacardi says his Dogs will do in the Braves and turn them every way but loose.

Larry's Loser - Alcorn State

Vanderbilt at Connecticut

This ain't last year's pack of Huskies, but they've got some bite left in them and when the Commodores come sailing into Connecticut this weekend, they'll be pooches at the plank to meet them.

Now, you know that Bacardi usually picks the pooches, but he says the hair on his back and that smart cookie is telling him the Commodores have a surprise for the howlin' Huskies.

I can see that too and think the boys from Nashville say nay to a Husky victory party, and they'll send these dogs to the pound.

Larry's Loser - Connecticut

Well, that's it for this week, and remember, never bet the house on the hunch of a hound, and may the only thing you lose this week be your mother-in-law's request for a visit.

Till next week, Bacardi and I thank you for your visit, your likes, and the snickers, so fetch my house shoes dog, it's almost happy hour!