NCAA Football Week 2 Picks Guaranteed To Win, Lose, Or Push

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NCAA Football Week 2 Picks Guaranteed To Win, Lose, Or Push
Doug Benc/Getty Images
I'm putting my trust in this guy?

The first week of the College Football season provided a few lessons to consider going forward.

We learned Michigan doesn't necessarily suck (whoops), Buffalo might be a better job than Kansas, karma is a wonderful female dog (Jeremiah Masoli, anyone?), and the entire Advanced Scouting Department at USC has been killed.

Okay fine, that last one may not be true. But it still has not been adequately explained to me how Monte Kiffin, USC's Defensive Coordinator, found out about Hawai'i's new offensive system the night before the season opener...through a local news broadcast.

Perhaps if I hadn't been catching up on podcasts while watching the game on mute I would have received an explanation, but I feel confident that avoiding Bob Davie's analysis for four hours was the smart decision in the long run.

Week 2 puts forth a lot of great match ups, but unfortunately those games have provided a slew of head-scratching lines. If I were an intelligent, responsible human being, I would avoid picking those games and move on to the more favorable spreads. 

Thankfully for anyone reading this however, the above paragraph does not provide an accurate description of myself, so I will pick them all. It's not like anyone will read this anyway. Home teams in caps, picks in bold.

 

Auburn (-2.5) over MISSISSIPPI STATE. You're just going to have to trust me on this one. I had this article all planned out on Wednesday and then simply got lazy and forgot to publish it before Friday. If you feel the need to have your feathers ruffled since this game was played last night, well, good for you (come on, I went 3-3 last week, I need the win).

 

Miami (+9) over OHIO STATE. Do I trust Jacory Harris on the road? No, not at all. Still, this seems like too many points for an Ohio State team that hasn't won a non-conference game against a ranked opponent by more than nine points since 2006 (over Texas and a young Colt McCoy 24-7). Does that mean anything? Not necessarily. I was just impressed I knew that stat off the top of my head.

ALABAMA (-12.5) over Penn State. This is a ton of points, but Alabama should win this by two touchdowns. Annoyingly this will lead to analysts everywhere declaring Alabama to be just as good as last year. The reality is Penn State's quarterback is a true freshman making his first road start in the quaint, friendly town of Tuscaloosa. Best of luck. Alabama's first real test will come from Arkansas in two weeks.

Michigan (+4) over NOTRE DAME. Alienating Irish friends and family everywhere one week at a time. After two hours of scratching our heads and forcing wires through a radiator vent, my friend and I were able to set up two televisions in his revamped man cave last Saturday. Yes, I'm so proud of this accomplishment that I had to tell the world in this space. What a sad life I'm leading. Anyway, the two TV set up enabled me to watch ND Purdue and Michigan UCONN at the same time, and by the end of both games I became convinced that Denard Robinson was going to deliver the Irish a healthy slice of humble pie this Saturday. Speaking of Robinson, my friend now possesses a hatred for Shoelace rivaling mine for Garrett Hartley due to reasons associated with the genre of this article. My bad on the UCONN pick, buddy.

Georgia Tech (-14) over KANSAS. Don't fret, Turner Gill. Your career at Kansas can only get better from here. Unfortunately, that's because you lost to North Dakota State 6-3 in your opening game coaching the Jayhawks. Oy.

ARMY (-3) over Hawai'i. Random stat of the week: Hawai'i is making the longest trip in CFB history this weekend to go play the Black Knights in upstate New York. There's no reason to watch one second of this game, but come on. Hawai'i doesn't travel to the west coast mainland well. Does anyone really think they're going to show up for this game?

WASHINGTON (-13.5) over Syracuse. Speaking of long trips, the Orange travel to Seattle the same week that Jake Locker needs to pad some stats given his inability to get a win at BYU last week. I don't think this one is going to be pretty.

USC (-19.5) over Virginia. See the trend I have going here? Cross country trips don't usually go so well for less talented teams. 

West Virginia (-13) over MARSHALL. If the Mountaineers are even a halfway decent team this year, they have to win this game by two touchdowns. Simple as that.

Stanford (-6) over UCLA. I think this spread is a toss up since the contest could be the most exciting of the night. Once Alabama is rolling over Penn State, turn this baby on at 10:30 in the east to finish up the gluttonous day of football. UCLA lost a tough road game last week at Kansas State but looked markedly improved, while Stanford passed the difficult test posed by Sacramento State. I have no confidence in Stanford covering this spread, but since I'll almost certainly be watching, I might as well state an opinion.

Enjoy the games this weekend everyone. And remember, it's a long season. While 15 seconds in heaven with Rick Pitino is better than 14 seconds in heaven with Rick Pitino, to not have the fun last a bit longer would be unfortunate.

Last Week: 3-3

Overall: 3-3

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