A few years ago yours truly came up with a decent idea: Why not pen the "Most Hated List," which outlines the schools that the VFA hates the most?
It wasn't popular. People cried in the streets. Michigan fans sent me hate mail (ha! ha!). Ohio State fans asked: "Why in the hell aren't we higher?" Christ, 72 damned people got into an argument on Bleacher Report about it, and ended up hating each other (just kidding, boys and girls: one love!), and one major sports website ended up, cough, cough, using the idea (I've asked the writer about whether his idea was original and have had no reply, which, as a journalist I'll take as a "no comment"), without giving me or Bleacher Report any love. Oh well...
Anyway, 2010's another year. Fat Charlie's left the building at Notre Dame, Jesus (sorry, Tim Tebow) gone from Florida, Nick Satan's winning championships at Alabama, and, er, Michigan's Michigan.
In other words (cue the LSU student section...)
So here is the REVISED 2010 College Football Most Hated List.
1) Michigan (2008 position: two)
I still hate them for the B.S. 2005 call against Penn State, that led to college football's laughing stock turning the Nittany Lions over. I say this again: I'm not expecting Penn State to have the world's best 2010, but I'm hoping that Michigan has a worse one than Penn State. If the Nittany Lions only beat three teams this year, let it be Youngstown State, Temple (let's face it, if we lose to these two we'll be go from national treasure to national joke), and...Michigan. Hope you fail, Rich Rod.
2) Florida (2008 position: one)
While Florida got away with some crime on the field (Brandon Spikes raking Georgia's Washaun Ealey's face in the Cocktail Party last year), it's nothing compared to the crimes that Urban Meyer's team has got up to off it. Last time I looked, the Gators were going for Miami's all-bad record. When's Meyer actually going to do something about it? Or get questions on media day like: "Hey Urban. Your team can't behave themselves off the field. When are you going to throw a kid or two off the team?" Oh, and the students I met on Spring Break who went there are some of the most arrogant, conceited little ****s I've ever met in my life...and I went to English private school! I should know!
3) USC (2008 position: six)
Two words: Lane. Kiffin.
4) Notre Dame (2008 position: four)
The NBC Contract is one thing: Get the money if you can. But the Fighting Irish's subsequent refusal not to join a conference has infuriated me. Plus, the whole better/holier-than-thou stuff gets on my tits, too. Oh my gosh, how could Notre Dame lose...to Navy? And to Syracuse? Because they had a crappy defensive coach, that's why! The fans, however, get some thumbs up, particularly for the "Convicts vs Catholics" sign.
5) Alabama (2008 position: N/A)
Their fans are pretty classy individuals, but we'd love to see the "Rammer Jammer" song get rammed right back at them sooner rather than later. That might lead to the devil (sorry, Alabama's coach, Nick Saban (apparently calling him Nick SaTan gets edited around here!!)) getting fired. Which wouldn't be a bad thing. At all.
6) Ohio State (2008 position: five)
Ohio State fans will be honored to be on the list, considering that they pelt opposition fans with buckeye nuts/cut their car tires/ yell abuse at them. Oh, and then there's Terrelle Pryor, the idiot with the Superman-cape and a Buckeye hat, and the fact that Kirk Herbstreit seem to have gotten all of his buddies jobs at ESPN. On the plus side, the whole band thing is actually pretty cool, and the Horseshoe's one heck of a stadium—if you can stand the inmates.
7) Tennessee (2008 position: three)
A dramatic fall for the Vols in the polls this year, but the hiring of Coach Dooley, who comes across as a decent individual, more than makes up for the fact that bright orange is a horrible color, Knoxville is a horrible place (aside from main campus, which has picturesque Southern architecture), and that song "Rocky Top" is just plain horrible. Oh, and to the bald guy who paints orange and white squares to make himself look like a giant chessboard: Some of my friends wish you could turn yourself into an orange-and-white dartboard. They'd bring the darts.
8) Texas (2008 position: N/A)
Interestingly, I've seen their fans in action (at the cool Texas-OU game in 2008), burnt orange is a cool color, Austin's a cool place, the co-eds are cool (and hot), and Colt McCoy and Jordan Shipley, by all accounts, were really cool guys (although the future Mrs. McCoy did glow in the dark, while her-husband-to-be looks like an alien). But it doesn't change the fact that Texas feels an entitlement to win all games, all National Championships, and if they didn't win, it wasn't because they were outclassed. So for crying out loud, if you're in Austin, DON'T mention the game in LA, because they'll forget January and instead bore your ass off with Vince Young, who apparently is the tall, athletically-gifted, and stupid, brother of Jesus.
9) Florida State (2008 position: seven)
Despite Bobby Bowden going, Florida State still has a place in my dark heart: simply because it's Florida State. You can't go from disliking a team intensely to hoping they succeed every week. FSU wasn't a great football team when Bowden arrived, and they aren't going to be a great team until the 'Noles get rid of Jimbo Fisher and start again. That could be 30 years, for all I care!
10) Miami (2008 position: N/A)
It's funny—I didn't hate Miami until I saw the Billy Corben video of "The U." Then I realized why everyone in the world hated them so much. Then I visited Miami, and had my laptop robbed. And talking to the "fanbase" in Coral Gables, even the waitresses in the TGI Fridays next to campus don't like University of Miami kids. Why should we, really? Oh, and we know that this team's going to very good in years to come, so we thought we'd get the "hate on" early.
Also considered: Pittsburgh (PSU's local rival), PSU (love/hate relationship—the team drives me crazy but I love them almost as much as I love.... (no, don't say that), Oklahoma (why DID they get into the 2009 NC game again??), Arizona (Irrational hate—but always wanted them to lose (probably because I've got too many friends who live in Tempe, home of ASU).
Your thoughts, please.... (By the way, if you love teams, check out my new article about teams I actually like - and see the team named on both lists - here)