Matt Jones: "Hit That Line, Hit That Line, Keep on Going..." (Humor)

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Matt Jones:

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

Someone like Matt Jones shouldn’t be arrested for cutting up cocaine in a car off Dickson Street in Fayetteville. This is the same guy that was showered with “freakish” compliments by every sportswriter covering the 2005 NFL draft. My cousin in Mississippi had Matt Jones on his nine-year old birthday cake a few years ago. Now, after three years of disappointing play in the NFL, he’s only a few weeks away from being cut by the Jags.

Matt should have known that a car just off Dickson Street was a prime place to get spotted by cops. His contract gave him about $5 million guaranteed, so he has plenty of money to get a hotel room for his cocaine.

And since when do NFL players do coke with two old college buddies? This crime would have been much more forgivable if he had been cutting up coke on hot strippers in a penthouse rather than a dirty mirror in a car. Surely there are plenty of sorority girls in Fayetteville for the summer that have big hair and would have loved to party with Matt Jones. Did you ever see Jared Hicks, former Hogs TE and Matt's Thursday morning jail buddy? He was UGLY.

And while we’re on it, what’s up with cocaine anyway? Matt doesn’t look like a coke head. There’s not nearly enough hair gel on that guy for him to be a coke head.

No, he looks like the prototype stoner. It took him a full minute to walk from the sidelines to the huddle when he was QB at Arkansas. During the 7-OT game against Ole Miss, he FELL ASLEEP when Houston Nutt attempted to draw up new plays in between OT periods.

A stoner image would be much better, too, because nobody cares if someone gets caught with a little weed. Cocaine “has a different sting than marijuana,” Chris Mortensen of ESPN told the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette. See, nobody cares if you smoke weed every now and then.

“I don't think we ever had an off-the-field problem with Matt,” Coach Nutt chimed in after the arrest, confirming weed didn’t even constitute an off-the-field incident to him. Maybe marijuana really is a gateway drug.

Somehow, this is all the fault of Jimmy Johnson and Jerry Jones.

Matt Jones must have decided to make Michael Irvin his role model when he was converted to a receiver his rookie season. It made sense, because they’re both big even by WR standards, and Michael Irvin is a Hall of Famer.

Everyone knows Michael Irvin loved to snort cocaine when he played in the NFL, although he appropriately did so with strippers. The two people who could have punished Irvin as a player looked the other way, but not because of the obvious reasons of winning and money. The reason they don’t mind cocaine can be traced back to their college days, when they were on Arkansas’ 1964 national championship football team together.

We’ve all seen the old school photo of that team right after they won their bowl game, because it was shown on TV constantly when Jimmy and Jerry were having their feud. Well, they were no doubt singing the Arkansas fight song during that picture, and the fight song starts with, “Hit that line, Hit that line, Keep on going…”

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