This Week’s Roundtable is hosted by: The Pigskin Pathos
Given the fact that Lawvol is lazy, unreliable, and has been out-of-position most of the week due to “depositions” (likely story), this week I am flying solo on the Roundtable…
(1a) Urban Meyer is last in line to order at a Pahokee, Fla. McDonald’s. The door suddenly opens, and Lane Kiffin walks in. Urban Meyer is not above momentarily turning his head to see who enters a room, as we are all wont to do. Upon seeing each other, both coaches pause for a moment, knowing that an awkward encounter is inevitable. Lane, being the brash one, decides to initiate. Finish the conversation, use as many lines as you feelare necessary.
HSH: Sorry to be a Buzz Killington, but this a is trick question.
You see, there actually is no McDonalds in Pahokee. The closest one is in Belle Glade, which, according to Google Maps, is a 16-minute drive from the great city of Pahokee. After what Lane Kiffin said back around Signing Day in the spring about Pahokee, I was inspired to double-check of if the city had a McDonalds, and this is what I found. So maybe Kiffin’s Pahokee comments – although not necessarily wise – weren’t exactly that far off-base…they don’t even a McDonalds.
But to play along, here’s my take:
- Lane: Sup, Urbie?
- Urban: Oh…hey Lane…
- Awkward silence, tension building
- Kiffin’s phone rings, and it’s a recruit
- Urban goes on to order, the two never make eye contact again – including the postgame handshake September 19th
I think it would be the awkward confrontation between two guys that don’t have an ounce of respect for each other. These two guys couldn’t give a you-know-what about the other one, so I don’t think either would have much to say.
(1b) What do both coaches order?
HSH: Kiffin orders two double cheeseburgers, medium fry, medium drink – all off the Dollar Menu. Why, you ask? Because that’s what I get when I’m feeling some McDonalds (very rare occasions). Where else can you get a full, filling meal like that for just over $4? Kiffin’s a smart guy, too. Plus, remember how he negotiated less in his contract to pay his assistants more? Well, he’s got to watch the family budget – after all, he’s got that lovely wife and three kids.
Meyer is lame, and just orders whatever Tim Tebow tells him to order.
(2) If an asteroid were on a direct impact course with Earth, what could Eric Berry do about it? If he is successful in stopping the
asteroid and saving the world, does he win the Heisman then?
HSH: Berry would, of course, stop it. Because he can. He would catch it, and take it back 83 yards for six.
Sadly enough, even stopping a meteor from destroying the world wouldn’t be enough. Mostly because the media would be too busy fawning over Tim Tebow’s latest good deed because, you know, Tebow always seems to make sure he’s got a camera near or around his good mission trips and the like. And if the media wasn’t all over that, they’d be too busy being giddy over Colt McCoy and Sam Bradford throwing for 750 yards and 8 touchdowns on some Big 12 pansy defense (wait, they play defense in that league?).
(3) If you were on the planning committee for the Neyland Stadium renovations, what new things would you propose to be added to the Stadium and surrounding areas that are not already in the works?
HSH: Most of my changes would involve the student section and seating, because the recent stuff really seems to have taken care of most of everything else as far as I’m concerned. Here’s some of my ideas:
- No student seats in the upper deck; as in, give us another section in the South endzone, and up the ante on them. Make them competitive and use a similar system to the one they just created, except without all the confusing jargon.
- This may create some controversy, but here goes. I would have a simple little quiz – online, of course – for every student to take to be eligible to even get tickets. Just some simple questions about the game of football and about our team and maybe the SEC in general – questions most of us would obviously know. This is highly unfeasible, but the point would be to get all of the folks who either (a) don’t have a clue or (b) don’t care enough to follow the Vols out of the prime seating. Sadly enough, the inspiration for this comes from seeing girls sitting in better seats than me and texting or sitting the whole game. So yes, this is targeted at them more or less. Of course, if you pass an eye test, then what you know or don’t know is irrelevant. After all, getting the pretty UT girls on the CBS and ESPN cameras certainly makes the school look good, right?
- Spread the other teams’ way the heck out. Give them the section around their band and put the rest of them in a corner. Everyone else (ie, Florida, Alabama and Georgia) does it, why are we so nice?
- Keep the troughs in the mens’ bathroom, for sure.
- I would have kept the V-O-L-S letter signs on the top of the new JumboTron. That’s something I think we’d all agree on.
(4) I am a former Pride of the Southland member, so I’ve been always curious about this. What are your three favorite songs that the Pride plays? What is your least favorite song? What songs would you like to hear the Pride play on game days?
HSH: Ah, the Pride of the Southland. Our football program may suck at times and have fallen into mediocrity, but the band program is always at the top of their game. It’s more fun when we go on the road and march on the opponents’ field in the “Power T” formation, even though we may be down a couple touchdowns. Anyways…
- Rocky Top – obviously – but WITHOUT the “woo!”
- The real fight song, or “Down the Field.” Yes, I actually had to look up the name of it because I wasn’t totally sure. Tt’s the one the Pride plays directly following a touchdown. It’s what I’ve set my text message ringtone on my phone, and I think it’s underrated (or in the shadow of Rocky Top).
- The theme from the movie Gladiator, or, as I call it, our slower version of Florida State’s Seminole war chant. Not sure why, I just like it.
- Livin’ On a Prayer: I don’t like Bon Jovi, and I always think of it as an Auburn thing, and we’re better than Auburn.
- The Lord of the Rings theme. Obivously. The movies are great, but I’m not sure it fits on the football field.
My one, lone, easy-to-do request. I’m stealing this from the LSU band, but I’ve heard they stole it from the HBCU schools (HBCU is the term for the predominantly black schools in the southern U.S., known for their very cool marching bands) like Southern, Grambling State, Florida A&M and others, so it’s fine by me. I believe it’s based off a version from Cameo, but http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lClZTjNS6xQ also have a version. Here’s LSU’s version…
My love of this song came from the 2007 SEC Championship Game, when some of my friends had seats near the LSU section, and came to me after the game lamenting Erik Ainge’s interceptions and raving on the crunk-ness of the LSU band and their amazingly fun-looking connection with their fans. You can see what the students and fans do in part – is that not cool? Unfortunately, I don’t think this will ever happen at Tennessee, even with the flair and energy of the new staff – I mean, they’re playing rap music at practice now…how dare they!
Our basketball ball pep band played this once a game this past season or so, and me and my friends – although not always sitting together – always manage to find each other doing said motion. With all the rap music blaring during our practices (and on the Neyland PA system at games, perhaps?), why not the Pride?
(5) Being a half Auburn blog, I feel compelled to ask this: since 2003, Auburn has quietly amassed a 4 game winning streak against Tennessee. How would you describe the current status of the Tennessee-Auburn rivalry (if there is one)?
I want to save the whole current state of the Tennessee and Auburn programs comparison for the week of that game, but it’s an interesting rivalry. I have no knowledge of it, but this used to be a pretty big deal because the Vols and War Eagles played every year prior to the divisional split in 1992. They played some pretty memorable games, but I have no connection with those because I wasn’t alive. Shame on my youth…
Really though, what comes to my mind when I think of the UT-Auburn rivalry is when Auburn beat Tennessee three times in the 2003 and 2004 seasons. I went to the regular season games both years. The highlights:
- 2003: Sitting in Vols section, we have obnoxiously loud Auburn woman fan behind, releasing a high-pitched squeal of glee at every Cadillac Williams 8 yard-run. Vols fall behind 28-7, before Casey Clausen starts throwing the ball all over the place. Jordan-Hare Stadium is palpable with nervousness as Vols mount final drive to tie the game.In Auburn territory, Clausen throws pick, which I still don’t think the guy caught, and Auburn wins. It was Clausen’s only loss on the road in the SEC in his career. We got lost in the dark of Auburn’s campus after words, have “War Eagle” yelled at us abou a thousand times, and sit in traffic on the only road out of Auburn for about two hours on the way back to Birmingham.
- 2004: My junior year of high school, I take a couple of Auburn buds along with me. GameDay was there, everybody was pumped. Auburn then absolutely stomped the Vols. 31-3 at half. Loudest I’ve heard the road team’s fans in Neyland Stadium in my life…EVER. Somehow, Tennessee recovered and beat Georgia in Athens next week 19-14 and won the SEC East that year…
…leading to the the crime that was the ‘04 title game. Opening drive, Williams fumbles into the endzone. Sure enough, Auburn falls on it. Vols score on 80 yard TD run? Nope, called back on an iffy holding call 10 yards behind the play. Vols stop Auburn on third down down 3 in the fourth quarter? Nope, pass interference on Vols after Jason Campbell threw the ball into the first row. Auburn scores next play. Surely the SEC wasn’t going to deny a team the opportunity to play for a national title, right?
If it sounds like I’m slightly bitter, it’s because I got to hear about those games ad nauseum for the next couple of years, as most of my friends from high school are Auburn fans that now attend the school. Most of that’s worn off now. Last year’s game was completely different because everyone walked out of Jordan-Hare that day fully aware of the abomination of a football game they had just witnessed, so no grief-giving was necessary. I never really hated Auburn, I just got sick of the constant grief. But now it’s different: I really don’t dislike Auburn at all, but it’s about time we actually beat Auburn.
The Rest of the Roundtable:
Be sure to check out what the other roundtablers have to say (in no particular order):
- Rocky Top Talk
- 3rd Saturday in Blogtober
- MoonDog Sports
- Vol Junkies
- Pigskin Pathos
- Bleeding Orange
- Losers With Socks
Also be sure to check out the round-up at Pigskin Pathos…
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