Do you believe in miracles? How about vaguely insulting car promotions?
If you answered “yes” to the any of the previous questions, you’re going to love the offer a Michigan car dealership is promoting for Saturday’s Michigan-Ohio State game.
Spotted by Fox Sports Detroit, the special promotion is being held by Victory Honda in Monroe, Mich. The dealership is promising to give customers free cars if the Wolverines manage to blank the Buckeyes in Ann Arbor this weekend.
Hooray! Free cars! We’ll all be swimming in Civics come Sunday!
Not so fast, chatch.
By now, some of you discerning sports fans may have noticed the tiny hitch sitting between Michigan citizens and a free Accord—Michigan has to keep No. 3 Ohio State from scoring any points.
Again, for this promotion to take effect, unranked Michigan has to make sure the part of the scoreboard that registers the Buckeyes’ points reads “0” at the end of the game.
Short of saying this is an impossible feat, the prospect of Michigan shutting out Ohio State probably carries similar odds to finding a winning Powerball ticket in your shoe this morning.
The 7-4 Wolverines aren’t abysmal—that’s not the case. However, wagering free cars on their defense’s ability to entirely shut down Braxton Miller—the most "complete" quarterback Michigan will face this season—is far-fetched to the point where some fans could take it the wrong way. Ohio State is averaging 48.7 points per game and hasn't scored under 31 points in a game all year.
How about holding Ohio State to three points? Or two? That would be edgy, if not almost as unlikely. Just beating the Buckeyes would be a huge accomplishment in and of itself. The program has won 23 straight since coach Urban Meyer took over in 2012.
Then again, it’s a free country, and it's their promotion. If a car dealership wants to offer a deal based on absurd promises, that’s their choice.
However, if you’re holding out for a free ride this weekend, just remember that Michigan hasn’t registered a shutout this season. The fewest points the Wolverines have held an opponent to is nine, and that was against Central Michigan.
With that said, I’ll take a fully loaded Ridgeline with a unicorn-bone wheel and a cotton candy-injected V8.
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