Merry Christmas, boys and girls! Ho, ho, ho!
Have you been good this year? Of course you haven’t, but Santa’s far too busy looking for BCS National Championship tickets on StubHub to dig any deeper. Oh, and did you know that you can get into the Orange Bowl for around the same price as foot-long sandwich and a bag of chips at Subway?
That’s what you’ll be receiving if you’re on the “Naughty” list this year, so consider yourself warned. Ho, ho, ho!
Being the college football fanatic and tailgating devotee that I am—North Pole University is just horrible at recruiting, and I blame this weather—I’ve decided to spend a good chunk of my time this year in our shop watching film of every team in the country.
After hours of film study with my elves, I stumbled upon the following conclusion: There were a lot of naughty teams this year, and by “naughty” I mean ho, ho, horrible! My best elf thought that bit would work; please let me know if it did. His job depends on it.
Anyways, Santa is here to help, and I’m bringing your teams in need of a Christmas boost to help turn things around in 2013. I’ve decided not to get Alabama anything in 2012 despite the 455-page Christmas list Nick Saban shipped to the North Pole. They appear to be doing just fine without my help.
No, Nick, you will not be getting “all of Steve Spurrier’s recruits,” and I have no idea what “Jadeveon Clowney 2” is. You are, however, getting The Notebook Blu-Ray you asked for a few years ago. Mrs. Claus absolutely loves hers.
As for what you can expect for your team this year, here’s what is on the way.
Ho, ho, ho.