Politicians Finally Fix Economy; Attention Turned to Fixing the BCS (Sarcastic)
Breaking news out of Washington, D.C.: Economists are astounded at the rate at which the economy has recovered.
"It seems like we finally found the right balance of stimulus between regulations and bailouts," said Barney Frank of Massachusetts, chairman of the House Financial Services Committee.
The nation's economy, which had been reeling since the credit crunch began in mid-2007, swiftly emerged from recession when banks agreed to discontinue down payments if the Government wouldn't permit any more banks to fail.
This arrangement allowed for lending to resume and permitted the public to start borrowing again. This effort was further fortified when Ben Bernanke committed the federal reserve to purchase all of the loans in exchange for treasuries.
Art Laffer lauded the deal as "a wonderful free-market solution," as leading economists from all over the world gathered to praise the deal.
Joe Barton of Texas chimed in "I'm glad we have gotten the important business of government concluded, now we can focus on the smaller things that we have been looking at, such as abolishing the BCS... We couldn't have dealt with issues like this so long as the economy was in shambles, because our constituency would think that we were trying to divert their attention from the real issues or trying to curry favor for the next round of elections."
Neil Abercrombie of Hawaii added that "regardless of the legality of the BCS, it will be illegal before the next time I am re-elected...We must have a system that allows every team with a winning record the ability to play for the national title."
Mike Simpson of Idaho added, "I don't care if we have to slide the legislation into the next appropriations bill...we must get it done. This system of people making decisions that the masses don't agree with must come to an end."
Lynn Westmoreland of Georgia concluded the press conference by saying that "the people of America will know that their elected officials have their best interests at heart...economy first, then BCS."
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