2011 NBA Mock Draft: Fictional Player Edition

Adam Fromal@fromal09National NBA Featured ColumnistJune 21, 2011

2011 NBA Mock Draft: Fictional Player Edition

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    With the 2011 NBA draft quickly approaching, let's take a unique look at how the first round might play out with this mock draft. 

    By unique look, I mean to say that only fictional players who have played basketball in movies are eligible to be drafted. Real players with appearances like Michael Jordan in Space Jam are not eligible, but fictional players who were played by real players are. 

    Read on to see how this hypothetical draft will unfold and enjoy a look back through the history of basketball in film. 

    Warning No. 1: There are definitely some spoilers contained in the next 30 slides. 

    Warning No. 2: There is some offensive language in some of the videos. 

1. Cleveland Cavaliers: Scott Howard (Teen Wolf)

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    Well, he's a werewolf and he plays basketball. He actually plays basketball quite well. 

    Do I really need to explain this pick any further?

2. Minnesota Timberwolves: Pound (Space Jam)

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    After stealing Charles Barkley's basketball skills, Pound manages to almost completely destroy a Michael Jordan-led team. 

    According to the box score from the game, which was compiled by Harvard, Pound was a ridiculous 16-for-16 from the field, scoring 37 points and adding six steals to the cause. 

3. Utah Jazz: Neon Boudeax (Blue Chips)

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    While he may have received improper benefits, he still ends up in the NBA

    Oh, and he plays a lot like some all-time great named Shaquille O'Neal. I could never really figure out why I thought Shaq and Neon were so similar...

4. Cleveland Cavaliers: Jesus Shuttlesworth (He Got Game)

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    Played by Ray Allen, Jesus Shuttlesworth is the absolute top high school recruit in the country, despite the fact that his father is locked up in prison. 

    The fact that his name is Jesus helps me believe that he could help provide the second coming of basketball success in Cleveland. 

5. Toronto Raptors: Elliot Richards (Bedazzled)

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    After losing his girl to a more athletic guy, Elliot Richards makes a deal with the devil to win her back. Literally. 

    Elliot gives up some of his size in one area to gain it in another, sacrificing his IQ in the process. As a result, he becomes a not-so-well endowed seven-foot All-Star basketball player. 

    If Satan made him the best player possible, something tells me he's pretty good. 

6. Washington Wizards: Kenny Tyler (The 6th Man)

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    Kenny Tyler was part of a great duo at the University of Washington until his brother died. His specialty was undoubtedly passing the ball to his brother, probably due to the fact that he once missed a game-winning shot when he was little. 

    Eventually, Tyler proves that he can shoot when he makes the game-winner in the NCAA tournament without any supernatural help. 

7. Sacramento Kings: Bupkus (Space Jam)

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    After stealing Patrick Ewing's basketball skills, Bupkus became another valuable member of the Monstars. 

    Against the good guys of the movie, Bupkus has three steals and scores 34 points on 15-for-16 shooting. His one miss is kind of excusable since it was the result of a rather untimely set of explosions. 

8. Detroit Pistons: Moses Guthrie (The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh)

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    The highest paid player on the Pittsburgh Pythons, Moses Guthrie elected to stay on the team when everyone else left. Although, come to think of it, that may be because no one really liked him. 

    Guthrie also happens to look and play a lot like Julius Erving for some reason. 

9. Charlotte Bobcats: Quincy McCall (Love and Basketball)

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    One half of a basketball power-couple, Quincy McCall was a successful basketball player who eventually starred for the USC Trojans as a freshman. 

    He went pro after one season and got by in the league until a crippling knee injury occurred following a dunk for the Los Angeles Lakers. 

10. Milwaukee Bucks: Bugs Bunny (Space Jam)

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    Somehow, Bugs Bunny managed to perform incredibly well against a team of All-Star monsters named, well, the Monstars.

    The lovable Looney Tunes character shot 5-for-5 from the field and played unselfishly, dishing out three assists to the rest of the makeshift team. 

11. Golden State Warriors: Clarence Withers (Semi-Pro)

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    Anyone with as many nicknames as Clarence Withers simply has to be good. 

    After all, he was called: Coffee Black, Downtown "Funky Stuff" Malone, Sugar Dunkerton and "Jumping" Johnny Johnson. 

12. Utah Jazz: Lewis Scott (Celtic Pride)

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    As a fictional All-Star shooting guard for the Utah Jazz, Lewis Scott almost has to end up on the Utah Jazz. 

    Hopefully the Jazz, who snatched Scott with their second pick of the first round, have some good security guards to prevent another kidnapping.

13. Phoenix Suns: Antoine Tyler (The 6th Man)

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    A great scorer at the University of Washington, Antoine Tyler dominated the competition until he died from a heart attack while hanging on the rim following a slam dunk. 

    After the accident, Tyler stayed with the program, helping them out as a ghost-like creature until they learned that they could win on their own. 

14. Houston Rockets: Ricky Roe (Blue Chips)

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    A 6'8" power forward from French Lick, Indiana, Ricky Roe could shoot and rebound with the best of them. 

    I can't really put my finger on it, but it seems to me like this guy could eventually blossom into a player an awful lot like Larry Bird, the Hick from French Lick. 

    Plus, by taking Ricky here, the Houston Rockets are playing a little joke on the team with the next pick. 

15. Indiana Pacers: Jimmy Chitwood (Hoosiers)

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    Narrowly missing out on one Indiana native, the Pacers instead select Jimmy Chitwood. 

    Chitwood was the best player in Hickory, Indiana and helped his Hoosiers win and win until he drained the game-winning shot in the state championship game.   

16. Philadelphia 76ers: Billy Hoyle (White Men Can't Jump)

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    Billy Hoyle was once a superstar at the collegiate level, but now he's nothing more than a hustler. 

    Without hiding how good he is, Hoyle bets with black players who think they're better just because Hoyle is white. Usually, Hoyle wins the bet. 

    But that said, he can't even dunk with $2500 on the line.

17. New York Knicks: Nate Wilson (Eddie)

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    Although they are no longer coached by Eddie Franklin, the best fictional coach of all time, this pick still makes sense for the Knicks. 

    After all, Nate Wilson was the best player on Coach Franklin's team. 

18. Washington Wizards: Sidney Deane (White Men Can't Jump)

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    A very talented player, Sidney Deane also had some red flags thrown up by his attitude, thereby causing him to slip down draft boards to this spot at No. 18. 

    Deane is a little bit too headstrong for his own good. He's also not quite as talented as he thinks, as he shows by losing to Billy Hoyle not once, but twice.

19. Charlotte Bobcats: Buddy (Air Bud)

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    I’m pretty sure he never misses a shot and his athleticism is virtually unmatched by any player in the history of basketball.

    He can even score without opposable thumbs. 

20. Minnesota Timberwolves: Kyle Lee Watson (Above the Rim)

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    A great high school basketball player, Kyle Lee Watson's main focus isn't the NBA yet. Rather it's which team he should play for in an upcoming playground basketball game. 

    At least we know he's good enough to play for Georgetown. The upside is there with this pick. 

21. Portland Trail Blazers: Jim Carroll (The Basketball Diaries)

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    Jim Carroll is simply a great player for an unstoppable high school basketball team. 

    But, some would say that he has some major character issues. 

    At least he's played by Leonardo DiCaprio and would attract female fans to Trail Blazers games. 

22. Denver Nuggets: Calvin Cambridge (Like Mike)

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    An orphan who stumbles upon a pair of magical shoes, Calvin Cambridge's NBA career will only last as long as it takes him to wear out that one pair of shoes. 

    But, when he has them on, not even the fact that he's shorter than Spud Webb can stop him. 

23. Houston Rockets: Jamal Wallace (Finding Forester)

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    Recruited to play at a very exclusive high school, Jamal Wallace wants to believe that he was asked to attend because of his basketball skills and his academic prowess.

    Fast forwarding for a little while, the school tells him that they’ll drop plagarism charges if he wins the state championship for them. But Wallace misses two free throws at the end, possibly on purpose, to lose and prove that he has moral values. 

    He's a high character guy. 

24. Oklahoma City Thunder: Ed Monix (Semi-Pro)

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    Ed Monix was once a great basketball player in the NBA and makes a game-winning shot at the end of the movie. By all accounts he's got a lot of skill. 

    But then again, he was traded straight up for a washing machine. That has to say something. 

25. Boston Celtics: Saleh (The Air Up There)

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    Saleh is a very talented college basketball recruit from Africa who has all the talent in the world. 

    But he seems to be focused on quite a few things off the court that may distract him. Fortunately, the Celtics have a number of veterans that can help him straighten things out. 

26. Dallas Mavericks: John Tucker (John Tucker Must Die)

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    A very talented basketball player, John Tucker is quite popular thanks to his skills at the high school level. 

    He could make Mark Cuban's life even more interesting. 

27. New Jersey Nets: Jamal Jeffries (Juwanna Mann)

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    A basketball star with attitude problems, Jamal Jeffries has quite the interesting story.

    Basically, he strips naked after being taken out of a game, is suspended indefinitely, decides to dress like a woman and play professionally again, dunks in a game and blows his cover, but has changed and is reinstated into the UBA. 

    Obviously he's got talent.

28. Chicago Bulls: Shepard (Above the Rim)

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    Once a great basketball player, Shepard is really nothing more than a security guard and love interest at this point. 

    With this pick and the No. 30 pick though, Chicago can afford to take a risk and hope that he pans out again. 

29. San Antonio Spurs: Jackie Moon (Semi-Pro)

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    Sure he’s a professional power forward for the Flint Tropics, but he can’t even make the crucial free throw at the end. 

    With Tim Duncan still on the team though, the Spurs need to add a bit of levity to their squad. 

30. Chicago Bulls: Chief (One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest)

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    Possibly the worst fictional basketball player of all time, Chief has all the skills necessary to be great but can’t even bring himself to shoot the ball. 

    Chief is definitely a project player.