During Shaquille O'Neal's hilarious press conference in which he officially announced his retirement, a man of many nicknames gave us his latest moniker: "The Big AARP (Association for the Advancement of Retired Persons)."
The league has seen plenty of great nicknames over the years. It's seen plenty of bad ones, too (i.e. King James).
This list won't have any unearned or uncreative (D-Rose) sobriquets, epithets or aliases. Only the best for you—the 50 best...
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Z-Bo and the Grizzlies are on the rise. If everyone stays healthy, they could definitely win a first-round series next year.
Joe "Cool" is the man in Atlanta. Next year, they could use a little less cool and a little more edge out of their best player.
He played with cat-like quickness and he kind of looks like the professional wrestler of the same name.
Sam Cassell catches a lot of flak for supposedly looking like an alien, but I could see him in a Dr. Seuss book, too.
This future politician was a pretty good basketballer too.
Wade said he didn't want to be called "Flash" anymore, but his reason is stupid and we shouldn't honor it.
Marvin Barnes dominated the ABA, but struggled in the NBA. The nickname transcends any basketball struggles.
It's not technically a nickname, just a character the man portrayed.
Happy Hairston more than held his own playing alongside scores of Lakers legends.
This seems like one of those nicknames that a lot of people would have. Robinson may be the "Big Dog."
Not really sure of the meaning behind "Hondo," but it sure sounds cool. Can anyone enlighten me?
He's from Canada and his hair is a big deal from time to time.
The Finals just aren't the same without Ron Ron.
I don't think the comparison to a Kangaroo is drawn because of a pouch.
It should be pretty obvious why they called this guy Popeye.
Trying to shoot it over him was indeed like trying to shoot over a mountain.
Maybe he ate a bunch of 'em?
I seriously used to dominate with Herrman on one of those NBA 2K games.
His silky smooth game helped him win titles for two different teams.
Chris Kaman really needs to bring those locks back.
Jumpin' Joe took his skills from the NBA to the ABA and tore it up in both leagues.
Frankly, I think it's one of the corniest nicknames we've ever seen. This name would be perfect for a member of White Goodman's Purple Cobras.
Some players' nicknames were so good that they really replaced their real first names. That's the case with Tiny Archibald.
I actually don't have much to say about the nickname. What is that ref doing?
Darrel Griffith was a Louisville legend and great NBA player who earned his moniker for obvious reasons.
The Ukrainian Michael Jordan.
The original "Jet."
I don't know if he's ever been the captain of an NBA team, but this nickname was inevitable either way.
This aptly-nicknamed big man led the league in rebounding six times.
If "Mad Dog" was still in the lead, there's no way we'd be headed for a lockout.
This name really seems to fit Beasley's smooth game and hip-hop style.
Chauncey has hit tons of big shots in his career, and plenty of them led to a title in '04.
While he probably wouldn't be considered a truck by today's standards, he could run people over back in the day.
One of Michael Jordan's more underrated running mates.
He led the league in three-point percentage last year with very ugly form. He launches the ball from his shoulder (get it?).
The Dallas Mavericks could really use some "Tough Juice" right now.
Look at "The Crusher" take flight. I guess Bogans has always been dirty.
Once upon a time, Baron Davis was really explosive and "Boom Dizzle" sounds cool after a dunk.
If people used this nickname more, Manu would really annoy me less.
My sister and my wife don't think they look good together. I, for one, just find them adorable.
This dude's action helps him get off a lot of shots.
He didn't spend much time in the NBA, but with a nickname and a given name like that, I couldn't keep him off the list.
He's faded a little bit over the last couple years, but there was a time when his game was about as sweet as anyone's. He has the contract to prove it.
I love Marion, but his jump shot could only go in if some sort of alternate existence was involved.
I don't think anyone gave him a good enough chance to fire off that ammo.
The Mavs need someone to get down and dirty right now. Put "The Custodian" on duty.
I'm pretty sure he could've played the part more convincingly than Elijah Wood (that's a dis on Wood, not Ridnour).
His game is pretty smooth. So much so that the nicknaming powers that be replaced the "th" with a "ve."
I don't know if his nickname has anything to do with this video-game character, but it should.
Most underrated player of all time.
The nickname itself is pretty cool. The way Andersen flaunts it is not.
Fred Hoiberg earned his nickname when he was playing for Iowa State University. In 1993, he earned some write-in votes for the town of Ames, Iowa's mayoral race.
Plus, he just looks like a politician (even when he played).
"Clyde" Frazier embodied cool back in the '70s when he led the Knicks to two titles.
Carter has had a few nicknames in his career. He's been known as "Half-Man, Half-Amazing" and "Air Canada," but "Vinsanity" is his best.
There aren't many nicknames that seem to fit the player quite as well as Jason Williams' "White Chocolate."
Paul Pierce's ridiculous acting in the 2008 NBA Finals was the furthest thing from "The Truth," but plenty of people still dig this moniker.
Storm clouds always seemed to be looming when "Thunder" Dan played. The man could make it rain.
Gary Payton earned his nickname because of his strong defense. He could cover his opponents like a "Glove."
This one really doesn't need much explanation, right?
A lot of people say that Arenas' nickname is representative of his enigmatic nature. To me, it's more about the fact that he wore the number for so long.
During his playing days, Isiah Thomas was known simply as "Zeke." During his playing days, he was known for his game.
Now he's known for more dubious reasons.
This is another one that just fits. Some say his mother called him "The Worm" because he wiggled when he played pinball.
It stuck with him as an NBA player because he had no problem getting dirty.
It was always a wise move to get out of the way of the "Tractor," who was 6'8" and nearly 300 pounds when he played in the NBA.
Freddie Brown led the league in three-point percentage during the three-point line's first year in existence.
His nickname led to us hearing Marv Albert say, "From downtown," over and over again.
The Lil' Penny commercials were some of Nike's best.
Kevin Garnett was, without a doubt, the biggest reason people bought tickets to T'Wolves games for years.
Pretty self-explanatory—the guy could heat up quickly.
However, I'm not sure it made a ton of sense, as Johnson averaged 12 points a game for his career while shooting 25 percent from three-point range.
Sam Perkins was a big man who never moved with great speed or quickness, but he sure was smooth.
Hot Rod Hundley never put up great numbers in the NBA, but when your real first name is almost entirely replaced by "Hot Rod," that's pretty cool.
Most people say it's "Big Shot Rob," but Bob is short for Robert as well, and my version just rolls off the tongue so much better.
George "Mr. Basketball" Mikan was one of the game's first superstars and had first dibs on this catch-all nickname.
It has to be pretty cool to see a silhouette of yourself attached to everything the NBA is attached to.
I'm typically not a big fan of the modern nickname trend that just puts initials and numbers together, but this one works on another level.
An AK-47 is a famous Russian rifle and Andrei Kirilenko is a famous Russian basketball player who wears No. 47...get it?
Artis "The A-Train" Gilmore utterly dominated the ABA for years before the league merged with the NBA.
Iverson came into the league surrounded by a ton of hype.
He played as hard as anyone I've ever seen, but his me-first attitude never proved to be a good "Answer" for any of the teams he played for.
Early in his career, Michael Jordan took flight in ways that fans hadn't really seen before.
It wasn't long before he rounded out his game and became the greatest of all time.
There are plenty of solid rhyming nicknames coming up between now and No. 1.
One of the greatest all-around players of all time, "The Big O" did it all.
World B. Free sounds more like the name of a Harlem Globetrotter than an NBA player.
But alas, World B. was in the league and was one of its best scorers back then.
This one doesn't exactly roll off the tongue, but it is pretty cool and fits well.
I could have gone with the more commonly used "Sir Charles" on this one, but "Round Mound of Rebound?" Come on.
Another rhyming nickname—and this one was inevitable.
Drexler's smooth game and athleticism naturally led to the rhyming moniker, "Clyde the Glide."
Rafer Alston earned his nickname where they're generally more clever than the ones we typically see in the NBA.
"Skip 2 My Lou" was a playground legend before he was an NBA regular.
Spud Webb (who was just 5'6") proved he wasn't small potatoes when he won the NBA dunk contest.
Earl Monroe was an elite scorer for his entire NBA career. He was a rare find.
You know—like a pearl.
A lot of nicknames are in reference to a player's athleticism or jumping ability, and this one may be the best.
What basketball player wouldn't like to be known as "Skywalker?"
Anyone with a Sports Illustrated photo like this one was bound to be legendary in more ways than one.
Parish's teammate Cedric Maxwell dubbed him "The Chief" because of striking similarities between the Boston center and the One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest character.
Hakeem Olajuwon's nickname extended beyond just identifying the player. He even had a move called "The Dream Shake."
Robinson never reached the rank of Admiral in the United States Navy, but he was known as such in the NBA because he was indeed an officer prior to his professional basketball career.
Tyrone Bogues is the best 5'9"-and-under player the NBA has ever seen, and "Muggsy" seems pretty fitting for a 5'3" guy.
Darryl Dawkins was a backboard-breaking beast when he played in the '70s and '80s.
George Gervin was about as cold blooded a scorer as the league has ever seen. He was a four-time NBA scoring champion.
"The Mailman" always delivered over 18 seasons with the Utah Jazz.
Shaquille O'Neal probably could have been on this list several times, but I wanted to save room for others so I just picked my favorite.
"Superman," "The Big Cactus," "The Big Aristotle" and all the others are nice, but "Diesel" fits him best.
Magic's nickname was so perfect that it replaced his actual first name.
Julius Erving was a serious pioneer for the NBA. If he hadn't operated the way he did, the game may not have evolved into one that allowed the style Michael Jordan brought.
"Pistol" Pete's nickname was so good that it was on the back of his jersey.
Maravich earned his nickname before he ever entered the NBA when he averaged 44.2 points per game over his three-year college career at LSU.
His unique style didn't work quite as well in the NBA when he no longer averaged 40 shots a game, but it still worked.
He won the league's scoring title in 1977, went to five All-Star games and was chosen to be a part of the league's 50 Best Players of All Time in 1996.
Deal with it.
If you're one of the haters out there, you're probably sick of hearing the nickname "Jimmer." Well, you better get over it, because it's not going away.