Tony Parker or George Hill: Which San Antonio Spurs Guard Should Have Gone?

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Tony Parker or George Hill: Which San Antonio Spurs Guard Should Have Gone?
Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images
April 27, 2011: Tony Parker reacts against Memphis in San Antonio. He's drawn heated reactions from some fans in Texas.

Should “Pretty Tony" Parker or “Naked” George Hill have been sent running out of the Alamo City?  Ask your chick.  She’d probably say neither-nor, instead of either-or, but hey…chicks are allowed to mess up.

A lot of ladies probably messed up their blouses with tears after Naked George got shipped.  Parker probably cried as well, but his tears were for an entirely different reason.

Tony probably wanted to be traded more than Hill did, but No. 9 would never admit it to America’s media.  San Antonio is still part of America—last I checked.  Parker could at any time reveal his true player personality to France’s media while speaking French, though.

The Flying Frenchman, not too surprisingly to me, threatened to join ASVEL—a team he reportedly owns in part and executive produces—if the NBA lockout lasts all year.  He held the press conference recently in France just to make the warning official.

If the orchestrators of the NBA lockout don’t stop tripping, then he’ll play in France for the rest of his high-flying layup life.  Don’t think he’s tripping.

He’s playing for “Les Bleus”—France’s men’s national team—in the FIBA 2011 EuroBasket Championship tournament in Lithuania.  It started this week, with a slate of exhibitions scheduled before the real thing August 31.

Andy Lyons/Getty Images
April 23, 2011: George Hill soars against the Grizzlies in Memphis. He'll soon be scoring for the Pacers in Indiana.

The top two teams are guaranteed a spot in the 2012 Summer Olympics.

In 2009, after he injured his ankle playing for the French national team, Parker wasn’t playing any games.  Tony then expressed his dumbfounded state of mind—being ordered by the Spurs to be examined by their doctors in the good old US of A.

T.P was probably even more dumbfounded after the Spurs inexplicably traded George Hill, a younger and more versatile guard.  G.H. was the Spurs’ best reserve guard since, well, Tony Parker.

Parker came in as a brash rookie, sophomore and junior NBA guard, who forced even the generally likable Avery Johnson to hate on him.  Tony in turn hated on Jason Kidd when it was rumored J.K. might become a Spur.

What can I say?  Players mess up. 

The same goes for NBA executives.  Spurs draftee and Canadian national team possibility Cory Joseph may end up being the next George Hill, but why?  Was it because Hill’s naked pictures posted somewhere on the net hurt the Spurs supposedly squeaky clean image?

I’m not sure.  The truth, however, lasts longer than a lie, and I won’t rest until I get to the bottom of the real reason.  Going forward, the bottom could fall out of the Spurs championship chances.

Andy Lyons/Getty Images

Just ask T.P.  He knows what’s cracking in Tex-Mex cowboy town.  He couldn’t wait to split back to France.  He played there professionally for four years before the Spurs scooped him up in 2001.

Ten years later, for some strange reason, he’s become one of the most hated Spurs in Alamo City history.  I can’t understand why.  He’s no Dennis Rodman or Amy Winehouse. 

Parker has never taken his sneakers off on the sidelines during a game, dyed his hair, worn a wedding dress or smoked crack in front of paparazzi; I’m almost positive.  He rarely displays negative vibes, has never run afoul of my notepad and hasn’t gotten in trouble with any law enforcement officials—that I know of.

To boot, he’s one of the most excellent regional commercial actors anyone could imagine.  He’s never divorced a supposedly superstar actress and…wait.

Tony was, though, a much better television actress than his former wife.  All right, all right, that’s hyperbole, perhaps, regarding his acting skills.  But, hey…players mess up.

Did the Spurs really mess this one up?  Stay tuned and keep reading Lake Cruise.  L-a-k-e, C-r-u-i-s-e (Love and Knowledge Everyone, Christ Rules Until it Someday Ends).

Mike Stobe/Getty Images

Tony Parker is a proven end-all winner and former NBA Finals MVP.   On some nights, though, G.H. can score with the best guards in the league.  Hill is also a better defender and three-point sniper than T.P. 

Their speed and quickness factors with the basketball are about even.  Parker may have been a tiny bit faster, but it was barely noticeable if he was.  Wear and tear on Tony’s legs would probably give Hill the speed edge down the road.

Now, the road could get rockier than an El Paso mountain (hill) pass.  Before last season, Parker signed a lucrative extension with the team he reportedly said will have a lot of trouble winning another title—oui, oui, monsieur—only to deny in San Antonio that he’d said it.

Parker should ditch the Fiesta-colored beret and work on his proper Spanish.  Then, if the Spurs play again in Mexico City, he should tell his saga in real Spanish to the Mexican writers.  The Spanglish-speaking journalists and fans in San Antonio wouldn’t have a clue what he said.

The Spurs brass didn’t have a clue and messed this one up, in my opinion. 

Beyond the shadow of a short and chubby chick’s doubt, Tony Parker should’ve mercifully been given his walking papers before George Hill.  There was no reason for G.H. to be traded. 

You’ve been Reasoning on the River Walk with me, and I thank you for joining—or trying to. 

Catch me on the next edition of Lake’s T.P. Report.  Meanwhile, check your chick’s mobile phone for “sexting” messages sent to the Alamo City’s most hated—allegedly. 

You’ve been warned.

[Related: George Hill and 10 worst Spurs mistakes]

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