Jeff Foxworthy has a wonderful line in his comedy routine that states something like this: "If you've ever had to haul a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor, you might be a redneck."
I'd like to think that Mark Cuban is climbing that water tower right now to defend my honor...and the honor of millions in the great Pacific Northwest.
I am bitter. There is no getting around it. I can't celebrate like I used to. I can't proudly wear certain fan-gear without looking like a disgruntled ex-boyfriend. Or call me that ex-girlfiend who's been left for a younger, uglier secretary who is more equipped to host rejected rodeo circuits than she is a professional basketball team.
I have nothing against the players of the blunder, er, Thunder. They are the poor children in this nasty relationship. Yes, I love you, but I can't stand you because every time I look at you, you remind me of your father--David $tern.
I also have nothing against the people of Oklahoma City. I am happy that they're able to watch some great NBA action. I just wish it wasn't at the expense of millions of other people.
Cuban, Dirk, and the boys from Dallas can be huge heroes for so many of us wishing nothing but losses for the home-wrecker. You may say, "Suck it up! Move on with your life!" Well, it just isn't that easy when that hussy is reaping the benefits of a lover we spent 41 years of our lives with. OK, that may be a bit much.
But it always works out like this in a jilted relationship, doesn't it? We put in all the time, energy, and heartache through all the lean years and he drops us the first chance he gets if a floozy bats her trashy eyelids.
Where was she when we had to endure Olden Polynice (no offense) while Scottie Pippen was being named one of the greatest players of all-time and winning championships? Where was she when we had to watch Rich King--the epitome of a walking injury--simply try to stay on the court? And then go through the debacle of seeing homeboy Doug Christie turn his back on us--did Oklahoma City have to put up with any of this?
Where was that harlot when we had to watch those boys play in the Tacoma Dome AFTER we agreed to renovate the Key Arena to bring it up to par? What's wrong with it now? We did what was asked of us.
We even watched as Jim McIlvaine was given a really gross contract which led to one of the most beloved Sonics of all-time walk out the door--Shawn Kemp. We were forced to stomach Vin Baker through the years and then saw Gary Payton also leave. Sure, we got Ray Allen in return, but it's just not the same.
Where was she when we had to endure year after year of mediocre draft picks like Carlos Rogers, Sherrel Ford, Bobby Jackson (who turned out to be James Cotton), Vladimir Stepania, and a slew of other foreigners that didn't pan out?
No, I'm not going to just "get over it".
Fans in Brooklyn never had to "get over it". Fans in Baltimore didn't have to "get over" the Colts leaving. At least Baltimore has a team now. Same goes for football fans in Cleveland and basketball fans in Charlotte.
So the Mavericks can be like that big brother, saying, "We got your back." I'd like to think that Jason Terry is gonna give it a little extra for everyone rooting for him back in Seattle. I'd like to think that the Mavericks want to win this series, partially, to vindicate the enormous injustice that was played out not too long ago.
I know I shouldn't wish torment on another person, but watching the Thunder lose and understand that it will bring a modicum of pain to management and perhaps the NBA, will help some of us stand a little taller and less defeated.
As it stands now, if anyone searches for the Sonics on Wikipedia, they encounter the following:
"This article is about the defunct Seattle basketball team. For the current incarnation of the team, see Oklahoma City Thunder"
That disgusts me. Go Mavs. And go Kings 2011-2012.
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