ESPN's NBA Draftniks: Who's Hungry?

It has recently been chronicled that Memphis prodigy Derrick Rose has a penchant for eating gummy bears and Starbursts.  Teammates have suggested that Rose misses occasional practices because "that's all the kid eats for breakfast." 

Even Calipari has gotten into the act, denying reporters a chance to interview Rose because of an "upset stomach."

With Rose's recent plans to enter the NBA draft, you have to wonder what food the NBA brass will stock the green room with. 

Will the "draft analysts" point to Rose's gummy bear addiction as a "weakness" in his game? 

And if so, won’t they be ignoring their own snack preferences?

For example, take Jay Bilas. 

He's a Duke graduate and a licensed attorney to boot.  So, he obviously enjoys a higher end snack food.  He looks physically fit after all these years.  Athletes rarely age well, yet Bilas ages gracefully--with exception to his rapidly thinning widow's peak.

He'd be looking for a chip that's more wholesome and "packed with nutrition."  Furthermore, We think he offers a bit of whole grain goodness to the panel.  He thinks that every All-American is going make a fine NBA player, especially if they're long.  He loves long players.  Maybe Slim Jim's are a better choice.  They're long, after all.  

Stephen A. Smith.  Settled.

Now, Mike Tirico.  Tirico's a guy who strikes us as a strictly by-the-book snacker.  He doesn't go for straight potato chips--that'd be too greasy for the clean-cut Tirico.  No, he's going to reach for something to keep his hands from getting greasy, yet accounts for a few of the added lbs. over the years. 

You know what the pick here is: Pringles.  Once you pop, you can't stop (double entendre unintended). Not flavored, not kettle chips, just Pringles and lots of 'em.

Dick Vitale, on the other hand, he's harsh on the senses.  He's angling for some chow that ought to dial it down a bit, but is surprisingly ubiquitous for an acquired taste: salt and vinegar chips. 

They're always at the deli when you pick up a sandwich, but you never buy any.  Who's purchasing these chips anyhow?  Yet, there they are.  In your face.  Every time.

Greg Anthony. Is he still on the panel?  We're looking for something solid and consistent.  He's got to be a sourdough pretzel man.  Pretzels could be your selection on 99 trips out of 100 and you wouldn't be wowed, but you'd always be satisfied. 

He played on all those tough Knicks teams; therefore, you need a brittle, snapping munch to satisfy a one Mr. Greg Anthony.  We need those thick salt grains to aggressively attack those taste buds. 

But, see, like Anthony, the pretzel is versatile.  Put some peanut butter in there and boom! It's a meal.  Put a suit on Anthony. Boom!  You've got yourself a certified NBA analyst. 

Player:Analyst. Munchies:Meal.  Anthony:Pretzels.

Frannie Fraschilla, ESPN's Director of International Player Scouting Services.  Something with a European flair.  Water crackers, perhaps?

Bill Walton:  Soy nuts.  The first part because it's soy.  The second part because he's well... you get the point.

Are we missing anyone? Are we off on our snack characterizations?  You be the judge!

Resident basketball writer Tim Pollock added a few thoughts to this article.

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