Once upon a time, Darko Milicic was an embarrassingly bad player in the NBA, so bad that he would only get off the bench at the end of an extremely lopsided game. This, of course, earned him the nickname "The Human Victory Cigar."
Ever since his departure from Detroit, Darko has gotten steadily better to the point where he's earned a starting role with the Minnesota Timberwolves. He certainly hasn't lived up to his draft hype, but he's not an absolute bust a la Kwame Brown at this point.
Because of that, we now need a new "Human Victory Cigar" prowling the sidelines.
There are many types of good human victory cigars, and there are plenty of them in the NBA these days.
First, the top of the food chain of human victory cigars are either draft busts or funny-looking veterans who were never great, but were good enough to stay in the NBA. They usually become fan favorites just for stepping on the floor.
Then there are those veterans who were good at one point, but at this point there is little left in the tank and the only reason they're still on a team is because a team needs some veteran presence or an emergency big man in case of an injury.
The bottom-tier human victory cigars are those guys who were never very good in the league, but were never so bad that they were out of the league within their first few years or the guys who are borderline D-Leaguers who could be off the team at any minute.
Players will get bonus human victory cigar points if they are goofy looking, have ridiculous hair, are from another country or have funny names.