Dirk Nowitzki: Fanatic Butt Tattoo Should Have Finals MVP Beefing Up Security

Adam LazarusSenior Analyst IJune 23, 2011

DALLAS, TX - JUNE 16:  Dirk Nowitzki of the Dallas Mavericks gets emotional after the Dallas Mavericks Victory Parade at American Airlines Center on June 16, 2011 in Dallas, Texas.  (Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)
Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

After claiming a long-awaited NBA Championship Dirk Nowitzki is sitting on top of the world right now...coincidentally, his face also sits atop the backside of a Mavericks fans.

recent Dallas Observer blog entry features an image of a man's buttocks with a black and white tattoo of the great German forward's face.

Although ANY explanation from the man who the tattoo belongs to would be unsatisfactory, Derek Dilday gives one. Apparently it started with a Facebook post:

“I may have got a little too excited and posted on Facebook that I would get Dirk's face tatted on my ass if they won it all. I got quite a few comments back from friends, so I knew that if they did win it all I would kind of have to do it."

“Absurd” doesn't begin to describe what Dilday has done. Don't fool yourself into commending him for loyalty to his team or for "staying true to his word" or anything else.

And while I could go on and on and on about the increasing obsession we have in this country with celebrities and the lengths people are willing to go to look like or get near or praise their heroes, that's not my concern right now.

I think we should look at it from the other perspective: the celebrity, in this case Nowitzi's, perspective.

How scary must it be for Dirk to know there's a guy with his face tattooed on his butt?

It should be scary enough for him to take whatever bonus Mark Cuban owes him for winning the NBA title (and then some) and beef up his security detail. Call in some ex Secret Service guys or some Green Berets or Jeff Bridges from True Grit, and have them all sleep under your bed.

Every time I hear or read a story about one of these obsessed fans—guys who get tatted up with images of their heroes, get arrested for stalking their heroes or worse yet, have plastic surgery to look like their heroes—I can't help but think of that old axiom about termites: if you see one, there's probably 1,000 you're not seeing.

Dilay likely isn't the only crazed fan out there. And while I would assume Dilay and all the others like him aren't necessary "dangerous," if I were Dirk, I wouldn't roll the dice on this one. After all, chloroform works on seven-footers with a great outside jumper just as much as the next guy.