Boom Shakalaka: Season's 25 Biggest Facials

K BFeatured ColumnistJune 7, 2011

Boom Shakalaka: Season's 25 Biggest Facials

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    The facial dunk might be the most degrading act in sports, which makes it incredibly awesome.

    Nothing gets me more excited than seeing someone perform an athletic feat at the expense of another person.

    Much like the players on the bench witnessing a thunderous throw-down on top of someone's head, I jump around screaming like a wild and crazed baboon, trying to make sense of it all.

    These are the Top 25 Facial Dunks of the 2010-11 regular season.

    I hope you enjoy the destruction of someone's self-esteem as much as I do.

Honorable Mention: Blake Griffin Dunk/Foul on Marcin Gortat

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    Okay, so this isn't "technically" a dunk because it was called an offensive foul and didn't count.

    But in the realm that is the internet, I am in charge.

    The degree that Gortat had to be embarrassed by this dunk, it might as well been worth two points.

    Hakim Warrick's reaction is priceless. 

Honorable Mention: Trevor Ariza over JaVale McGee

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    I wonder if when Ariza made out his New Year's resolutions, he put "embarrass an opposing player with a thunderous dunk" on his list.

    If he did, he wasted no time accomplishing his goal. 

Honorable Mention: C.J. Miles over J.J. Hickson

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    Salt Lake City is known for its large Mormon population.

    After this dunk, I think C.J. Miles put the fear of God into J.J. Hickson.

No. 25: Kevin Garnett over Andrew Bogut

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    I would be lying if I said that I didn't stand up and scream like a crazed banshee when I saw this dunk live.

    I would also be lying if I said that I didn't holler at these two players to rip their respective heads off once it got chippy.

No. 24: Josh Smith over Eduardo Najera

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    I had never heard of Eduardo Najera before I saw this insane dunk by Josh Smith.

    This will probably be the last I hear of Eduardo Najera as well.

No. 23: Amare Stoudemire over LeBron James

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    LeBron is usually the giver rather than the receiver when it comes to monster facial dunks.

    But in this case, Stoudemire gave LeBron a healthy dose of his own medicine.

No. 22: DeMar DeRozan Dunks on Tyrus Thomas

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    Go go gadget arms.

    Go go gadget dynamite.


    This dunk was so large, a member of the bench had to help DeRozan up.

No. 21: Billy Walker over Andrew Bogut

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    Will you help me out?

    I have started a petition that this version of the Statue of Liberty should replace the old one given by the French.

    I don't see why not. Billy Walker plays for the New York Knicks.

No. 20: Hakim Warrick over Paul Milsap

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    On this special day, Warrick decided to bring his big boom stick to the game.

    Unfortunately, Milsap was in the way of a very large hammer and got smashed to pieces.

No. 19: Josh Smith over Serge Ibaka

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    When J-Smooth isn't bricking jump shots, he is usually taking it strong to the rack and finishing with authority.

    Using Serbe Ibaka in his experiment, Smith showed us a pretty good example of that ability.

No. 18: Dwight Howard Alley-Oop Dunk Murders Jrue Holiday

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    Even though Holiday cowered in fear, knowing what Dwight was going to do to him, he still could not get out of the way.

    This was probably the same reaction the animals had when they thought the sky was falling on them.

    The only difference is, the sky really did fall on Holiday.

No. 17: Ronnie Brewer over Josh McRoberts

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    Normally, I would try to make a joke or something about a dunk this large.

    But I can't say anything that can top Bulls color commentator Stacey King, so I will let him describe this one for you guys.

No. 16: Dwight Howard over Omer Asik

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    It's a bird!

    It's a plane!


    It's Superman sending the rookie from Turkey into another dimension!

No. 15: Andre Iguodala over Brian Cardinal

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    Who is going to clean up that mess Iguodala made if "The Custodian" is the one lying on his back, wondering what happened?

No. 14: Hakim Warrick over Yi Jianlian

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    Hakim Warrick added to his impressive highlight reel of high flying, acrobatic dunks.

    He also added to Yi Jianlian's lowlight reel of getting dominated in the sport of basketball.

No. 13: James Harden over J.J. Hickson

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    First it was Brian Wilson, the closer of the San Francisco Giants.

    Now, James Harden gives another reason why mere mortals should fear the beard.

    J.J. Hickson has to be waking up in cold sweats on a nightly basis after having nightmares of a wild and scary beard terrorizing him.

No. 12: LaMarcus Aldridge over Michael Beasley

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    LaMarcus Aldridge makes it a point to show everyone that Michael may not be so "Beastley."

No. 11: Russell Westbrook over Shane Battier

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    This dunk was so ridiculous a member of the Rockets bench had to get up and leave because he couldn't bear to watch his teammate get treated so bad.

No. 10: Paul Pierce Dunk on Raptors

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    When Paul Pierce saw the seas part, he decided it was time to drop some truth bombs.

    Gigantic, nuclear, truth bombs.

No. 9: Josh Smith over Joel Anthony

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    Josh Smith making yet another appearance on the countdown.

    The dunk defied gravity to such a point that he almost face planted onto the hardwood.

No. 8: Wilson Chandler over JaVale McGee

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    Wilson Chandler was getting bored with the straight in-your-grill facials, so he decided to spice things up by unleashing a monstrous reverse jam.

No. 7: Amare Stoudemire over Greg Monroe

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    After Amare decided to drop a massive tomahawk on Greg Monroe, has anyone been able to find Monroe's scalp?

    I bet Monroe still wakes up massaging his neck after that whiplash he received from Stoudemire.

No. 6: Blake Griffin over Gallinari

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    If you type in "lonely" in the Google search bar, this video of Danilo Gallinari should be the first thing that pops up.

    Seriously, how scared do you think he was knowing Griffin was coming at him full speed and he could do nothing to get out of the way?

No. 5: Tyreke Evans over Gary Neal

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    After getting dunked on by J.R. Smith in December, Gary Neal was only a shell of himself and had to see a shrink.

    In April, Neal took the proper steps, got over his fear of high-flying beasts, and was finally able to get back on track.

    Then, Tyreke Evans decided it was time to send him back to the psychiatrist. 

No. 4: DeAndre Jordan over Jon Brockman

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    What can you do when you see a 6-11, 265-pound beast flying in your direction?

    Hang on for dear life and hope he doesn't punch you in the face on the way down.

No. 3: Dwyane Wade over Kendrick Perkins

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    Seeing Kendrick Perkins, the enforcer, get this destroyed is a scary sight to see.

    Dywane Wade had no choice but to dance after crushing someone to that degree. 

No. 2: Blake Griffin over Timofey Mozgov

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    I think Griffin might have continued to elevate if he hadn't grabbed Mozgov's head to keep him from shooting out of the arena's ceiling.

    It was as if God himself wanted his angel back, and Griffin responded with "No! Not until I embarrass this man forever!"

No. 1: J.R. Smith over Gary Neal

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    If Gary Neal and the hoop weren't in the way, I honestly think J.R. was going to take the ball and fly away, never to be seen again.

    Instead, J.R. was responsible for an explosion of epic proportions.