NBA Power Rankings: Andrea Bargnani and the Wimpiest Player from Each Team
The NBA is full of tough guys and soft guys alike.
Among the pack are the wimps. These are the guys who back down when their team needs them. They are also the guys who step away from a fight when it is about to commence (well, depending on the situation, obviously).
That being said, I am not in any way dissing these players, but instead making them equivalent to all the other players in the league, and especially not some guy like me.
Obviously, I couldn't take any player in the NBA for five rounds.
Wait, is Earl Boykins still in the league? I've got a shot against him.
With all that in mind, here are the wimpiest players from each team.
Atlanta Hawks: Zaza Pachulia
Zaza Pachulia has been a Hawk for six seasons now, and it seems that just about every time he is faced with conflict, he walks away.
That is until recently, when he head-butted Jason Richardson.
Still, he's pretty lame.
Boston Celtics: Glen Davis
Glen "Big Baby" Davis of the Boston Celtics is always looking for a way to cry about something, make no mistake.
And how many times has he done it in a game? Well, I can think of many.
Charlotte Bobcats: Joel Pryzbilla
When he gets thrown into games, Joel Pryzbilla is one of the wimpiest players in the league.
He doesn't like to shoot and he doesn't play very well in the post. Those are two things a guy his size can't be afraid to do, but 'ol Joel is.
Chicago Bulls: Joakim Noah
Joakim Noah is not a wimp based on his play, but rather it is based on what he does after the whistle.
So many times we have seen him hustle until the buzzer, but as soon as it sounds, he goes over to the bench and complains and cries about everything.
He is the one guy in the league who everyone wants on their team, but if he's not, then you may as well hate him.
Cleveland Cavaliers: Anderson Varejao
Even though he didn't play the final three months of the season, Anderson Varejao is easily the Cleveland Cavaliers' biggest wimp.
In fact, as long as he's donning the maroon and yellow, it will always be him. He was an easy selection here, being that he is one of the NBA's biggest floppers in addition to being a crybaby. That in and of itself is the perfect equation in acquiring wimpy-ness.
Dallas Mavericks: DeShawn Stevenson
Every single member of the Dallas Mavericks is hard-nosed in their own way, and I couldn't bring myself to make a decision and rule one guy out.
Oh wait, there is that guy, DeShawn Stevenson.
Yeah, he's the biggest wimp. All he does is talk trash and stand outside on offense, waiting to bomb threes.
Denver Nuggets: J.R. Smith
As soon as the going gets tough, expect J.R. Smith to freak out.
When he is in a dire situation, the thing he knows how to do best is complain. That makes you a big, fat wimp.
Detroit Pistons: Charlie Villanueva
Without a doubt, Charlie Villanueva is one of the wimpiest players in the league.
When you try to fight with Ryan Hollins for no good reason and scream like you were actually going to do something when you get tossed, you are definitely a wimp.
Golden State Warriors: Andris Biedrins
Andris Biedrins doesn't do a darn thing on offense and he gets thrown around like a Raggedy Ann doll in the post on defense.
Yes, he's the guy on the ground in the picture.
Houston Rockets: Yao Ming
I want to first make this selection clear: It has nothing to do with him being injury-prone.
That being said, Yao Ming gets bullied around in the post far more often than he should be.
Let's just say if I were 7'6" and 310 pounds, I wouldn't let it happen.
Indiana Pacers: Dahntay Jones
Dahntay Jones is one of the dirtiest players in the league, but have you ever seen him get into a fight?
This guy might be the definition of "wimp."
Los Angeles Clippers: Chris Kaman
At first glance, Chris Kaman looks really intimidating.
That is until you see everyone blow by him in the low post.
Los Angeles Lakers: Kobe Bryant
Andrew Bynum could've just as easily won this race after his actions Saturday, but Kobe Bryant has been the leader all season.
You know you've sealed the deal when you call a second-round playoff exit a wasted year. I dare you to say that in front of your teammates, Black Mamba.
Don't get too cocky, Kobe. Bill Russell won 11 titles.
You're not even halfway there!
Memphis Grizzlies: O.J. Mayo
O.J. Mayo bothers me for some reason.
Maybe it's the fact that my Minnesota Timberwolves drafted him before swapping him (for Kevin Love, although that's turned out well for us so far).
Oh, I know what it is! He's one of the fake tough guys in the league.
Miami Heat: Chris Bosh
Chris Bosh is a star in this league, a guy who has helped lead the Miami Heat to the Eastern Conference Finals.
That still doesn't mean he isn't wimpy, though. Just grab a bag of popcorn and watch him in the post sometime.
Milwaukee Bucks: Corey Maggette
The Milwaukee Bucks don't really have that big of a wimp on the roster, so I'll take the one who is the most afraid to come up in crunch time.
Corey Maggette has never had the confidence in the NBA that experts thought he would coming out of Duke.
Minnesota Timberwolves: Sebastian Telfair
Here's a predictable caption for this picture: Hey, since I play for the Timberwolves and it's late in the game, I'm not even going to try to stop you!
Yes, I did slam my own team. But hey, at least I don't show bias!
Besides, they're going to be a 30-win team next year.
New Orleans Hornets: Aaron Gray
The New Orleans Hornets Aaron Gray is well on his way to becoming the next Joakim Noah, and he will do so once his game improves.
For now, he's just a lesser-known crybaby on a lesser-known team.
He is perhaps the definition of "wimpy" in the NBA.
New York Knicks: Anthony Carter
Next time you watch the New York Knicks (which, unfortunately for them, is in October), pay attention during the 16 or so minutes per game Anthony Carter will play.
He complains and whines about every call, as if he has enough respect to actually do that. What a wimp.
New Jersey Nets: Sasha Vujacic
This inclusion was one of the easiest choices on the list, no doubt.
Sasha Vujacic once declared himself "The Machine" while he was a Los Angeles Laker, but has he actually ever done anything even close to resembling the nickname?
I might as well call myself "The Animal" or "The Minnesota Madman," but in reality, I've never gotten into a fight—although I can see 30 NBA players who might want to be my first.
Oklahoma City Thunder: Nate Robinson
Nate Robinson, simply put, is the least tough guy on the Oklahoma City Thunder.
I couldn't bring myself to pick anyone else, anyway.
Orlando Magic: Gilbert Arenas
Gilbert Arenas has done things that should have gotten him the boot out of the NBA by now, but for some reason, he's still a contributing member to a playoff-caliber team.
Unfortunately, he stills thinks he's the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Philadelphia 76ers: Spencer Hawes
Spencer Hawes looks like an intimidating factor in the post, but in reality, he isn't.
So who is he trying to fool, looking all angry and such? He's just a wimp!
Phoenix Suns: Vince Carter
Vince Carter is one of the greatest God-given talents in NBA history.
Unfortunately, he's pretty wimpy and only plays the offensive half of the game himself.
And defense? Defense is for chumps, man!
It's too bad Channing Frye is also on the Suns. Phoenix is becoming wimpy paradise!
Portland Trail Blazers: Marcus Camby
This was one of the toughest choices, and it's simply due to the fact that the Trail Blazers aren't a wimpy team at all.
However, Marcus Camby seems to fit the bill, even though he's been a solid force in the paint for a decade-and-a-half.
Sacramento Kings: Beno Udrih
This might be the one time Beno Udrih has ever been in the post.
All kidding aside, he relies far too much on his teammates to be considered anything other than wimpy.
San Antonio Spurs: Manu Ginobili
Nobody's game face in the league (that's right, not even Joakim Noah's) bothers me more than that of Manu Ginobili's.
He is one of the least tough guys in the league.
But I will give him credit in the fact that he hustles and never does back down.
The Spurs don't have a full-blown wimp, so you have to believe Manu is the closest thing to it.
Toronto Raptors: Andrea Bargnani
Andrea Bargnani's ultimate wimpy-ness is something that has kept him from being elite.
Why drive in the lane for two hard-fought points when you can step out and take a three, right Andrea?
What a wimp.
Utah Jazz: Raja Bell
Raja Bell just gets on my nerves.
He criticizes every call and doesn't get along with his teammates.
I think I've seen a flop or two in addition to some freakouts. There's your typical wimp!
On a side note: Has anyone ever noticed the faint resemblance between Raja and President Barack Obama?
Washington Wizards: Yi Jianlian
Yi Jianlian is, without a doubt, one of the wimpiest players in the league.
Just the opposite of the Tom Petty song, Yi always backs down in the post, leading to a terrible 3.9 rebounds per game average this season in 18 minutes played.
He also stands around while people bully him down low. That has to count for something, right?
Rashard Lewis is another great choice on the team.