NBA Power Rankings: Shaq, Kobe Bryant and the 12 Worst NBA Rappers
My favorite band of all time is Mötley Crüe and therefore you'd assume that I am not qualified to talk about the rap game at all.
Well, I will have you know that some of my whitest friends are so into rap it kind of rubbed off. That, and you also pick up what is good and what's not when you play street ball five nights a week in Los Angeles, and you're just surrounded by beats and artists you've never heard before.
Most of it was underground-type stuff, but you can still figure out what is good and what's not.
Let's just say that Soulja Boy and Gucci Mane are not my favorites, I prefer T.I. and some Seattle area sound like Grynch, Wizdom and Macklemore amongst others.
NBA players, on the other hand, seem to not have a real filter on what is good or not.
Well, at least the ones that try to make it in the industry.
At least they have those multi-million dollar contracts to fall back on.
Well, some of them do, some of them are now broke and might need this rap "ish" to work out.
Walt "The Wizzard" Williams
1 of 12
I had to start off with a guy who was the original Greg Oden.
Walt Williams looked like he was about 75 when he was 24. He allegedly released an album called Insight of a Wizard at some point in time.
I tried to find some songs out there, but couldn't.
So, to me, that says it was so bad that there isn't a rogue MP3 on some Web site nor is there even a YouTube upload of it says it all.
I hope Walt is doing well in his nursing home.
Jason Kidd
2 of 12
Check out the cut here.
Another guy that I would never expect this from. I tried listening to this song, but I could barely understand a word he said and it's probably a good thing.
I guess he "gives more assists than tutors."
Yeah, that was a lyric.
Try to forget it. Please really try. You'll feel better about life.
Yes, a six-year-old could do better.
Chris Mills
3 of 12
Hear the track here.
There is nothing good about this track at all. The beat is alright, but the lyrics are terrible. He had a hard time finding rhymes for anything and just...ugh.
I'm glad I forgot about Chris Mills until now.
I'll never get those 87 seconds of my life back now that I listened to this.
Troy Hudson
4 of 12
Listen to the thing here.
Troy, you can call it what you wanna, but I'm going to call it what it is.
Crap.
I'm sorry Troy, but you the Nutty Boyz better try harder next time.
No, I wasn't one the 78 people who bought this album.
Yep, 78 people bought this. That's how many people dunked on Sean Bradley and how many times I've watched the Kemp dunk on Lister tonight.
J.R. Rider
5 of 12
Listen to Funk in the Trunk at your own risk here.
The song is terrible, but at least J.R. Rider lived the thug life.
I really can't think of an NBA player that has spent more time in jail than him.
Popeye Jones maybe.
Gary Payton
6 of 12
Listen to Livin' Legal and Large here.
Oh dear.
This is really tough for me. I have rarely ever said anything bad about Gary Payton my whole life and I really do not like to considering the guy is my favorite player of all time.
We are talking about a guy who in his prime was probably the best on-the-ball defender in the history of the NBA, a top-five point guard in NBA history and the best smack-talker to ever walk the hardwood.
His rap career never really panned out. The song wasn't too bad, I loved the old school beat, but the lyrics were just "meh" and him trying to sing didn't work out.
Let's remember Gary in some of his glory.
Allen Iverson
7 of 12
I'm not going to link you to anything for Iverson. It's pretty easy to find and just as easy to laugh at.
I remember listening to it in the past and just thinking about how I wanted to stab my ears with a knife.
Where did this pointy chisel and hammer come from?
Moving on.
Chris Webber
8 of 12
Please resist the urge to click this link.
If you did click that video, did you notice how it oozed Diddy? It just seemed like Diddy and Mase were going to pop out at any given moment.
I watched this one on mute.
No Diddy, no Mase.
#notwinning
Ron Artest
9 of 12
You all know about this album and you have all heard his tribute to Micheal Jackson.
We'd all like to forget that either happened.
Sadly, for those of you reading, his 365 albums sold is probably more than all of us combined.
Tony Parker
10 of 12
I wasn't even aware this existed until about 10 minutes ago and I'm going to drink until I don't remember this existed.
Why, Tony, why?
Shaq
11 of 12
We all remember Kazaam, Shaq Fu and his huge attempt to get into the industry when he left the Magic and joined the Lakers.
Sadly, nothing really panned out for the Big Aristotle in that arena.
At least he won a few MVPs and championships while in Los Angeles.
Kobe Bryant
12 of 12
I've always wondered if Kobe really knows what Shaq's ass tasted like. It could have tasted and smelled as bad as this song that he dropped.
It featured Tyra Banks and that was his first mistake.
This has to be one of the worst songs ever written. I hated the calypso-style beat and his arrogant lyrics. I'm surprised he didn't mention a certain incident in Colorado.
Mr. Bryant, what you've just sang is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling incoherent rhymes were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Okay, Kobe-lovers defend this one and, if you do, you better prepare to have proof of you bumpin' this all day.
