The NBA All-Star game weekend is almost here, and the excitement is building among most NBA fans.
It’s time to take a break from the regular season and enjoy the big game, the Slam-Dunk contest, the Three-Point Shootout and whatever that event with all the passing through tires is called.
Oops, I may have just given it away. I’m not a huge All-Star game fan. It's an exhibition. There’s no stats to track, no fantasy implications and no W's going up in the win column for my Boston Celtics.
So I’m scoffing the annual spectacular and I am going to make some outrageous predictions that may not be popular or easily predicted to most NBA fans.
Blake Griffin will wow the crowd during the Dunk contest and shatter the backboard with a dunk he’ll later dub the Nuclear Windmill of Death.
Rumors swirl that JaVale McGee loosened the rim for Griffin during the preceding dunk.
We already know that everyone outside of Boston hates Kevin Garnett. Now Rajon Rondo is also generating his share of enemies, even if he’s not breaking any rules (see Huddlegate).
So they’re a given to get engage in fisticuffs with their All-Star West contemporaries, but what about Ray Allen and Paul Pierce?
Well they just happen to be going head to head in the Three-Point Shootout, the first time teammates have squared off against each other since the glory days of Dirk Nowitzki and Jason Terry way back in 2007.
Long story short, Ray and Paul meet in the finals, Pierce throws a ball right as Allen is about to sink a game-winning money shot, hilarity and suspensions ensue.
In an attempt to outdo the NFL, the NBA and David Stern purposely sell 401 tickets to non-existent seats.
They later claim to be the premier major sport when it comes to reverse-ticket sales, besting the Superbowl’s 400 non-existent seats.
To compensate for their losses, the displaced fans receive passes to attend Kyrylo Fesenko’s The Art of Free Throw Shooting, taking place at the neighboring Nokia Theatre.
Steve Kerr dominates the Shooting Stars Event, comes out of retirement and signs a 10-day contract with the Chicago Bulls.
Kerr is then formally recognized as the first NBA player in history to play, retire, become an analyst, a GM, then back to analyst, only to unretire and resume his playing career.
He’s a human palindrome.
Remember when Alex Rodriguez tried to overshadow the Red Sox and Rockies by announcing his contract extension during Game 4 of the 2007 World Series?
I’d be willing to bet Melo comes out of nowhere and signs a huge deal, announcing it during Serge Ibaka’s second dunk on Saturday night.
Ibaka goes on to finish a distant fourth.
Just like the surprising return of the Rock in the WWE on this past Monday Night Raw, Yao comes out of nowhere and suits up for the All-Star game.
He then proceeds to mess around and get a triple-double, only to break his other foot the next day shooting a new Visa commercial.
I know, I know. This is not truly outrageous. Jem and the Holograms have a better shot at performing the Anthem.
Isn’t it about time a team scored 200 points in an NBA game? You know it!
Heck, the way Dwyane Wade, LeBron James and Chris Bosh can concoct a plan, I’m sure all the players in the All-Star game can plot it out, so they agree to play zero defense whatsoever.
If this happens, I'll definitely start watching next year.