NBA All-Star Weekend: Eight Outrageous Predictions for Dunk Contest, All Events

Andrew Bock@andrew_bockCorrespondent IFebruary 16, 2011

NBA: 8 Outrageous Predictions for All-Star Weekend

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    LOS ANGELES, CA - DECEMBER 01:  Blake Griffin #32 of the Los Angeles Clippers reacts to his dunk in front of DeJuan Blair #45 and Tim Duncan #21 of the San Antonio Spurs at the Staples Center on December 1, 2010 in Los Angeles, California.  NOTE TO USER:
    Harry How/Getty Images

    The NBA All-Star game weekend is almost here, and the excitement is building among most NBA fans.  

    It’s time to take a break from the regular season and enjoy the big game, the Slam-Dunk contest, the Three-Point Shootout and whatever that event with all the passing through tires is called.

    Oops, I may have just given it away. I’m not a huge All-Star game fan. It's an exhibition. There’s no stats to track, no fantasy implications and no W's going up in the win column for my Boston Celtics.

    So I’m scoffing the annual spectacular and I am going to make some outrageous predictions that may not be popular or easily predicted to most NBA fans.

Blake Griffin Shatters the Backboard During the Dunk Contest

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    MIAMI - FEBRUARY 06:  Forward Blake Griffin #32 of the  L.A. Clippers dunks against the Miami Heat at American Airlines Arena on February 6, 2011 in Miami, Florida. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using thi
    Marc Serota/Getty Images

    Blake Griffin will wow the crowd during the Dunk contest and shatter the backboard with a dunk he’ll later dub the Nuclear Windmill of Death.

    Rumors swirl that JaVale McGee loosened the rim for Griffin during the preceding dunk.

All Four Celtics Get Into Altercations During the Weekend

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    BOSTON, MA - FEBRUARY 06:  Rajon Rondo #9 of the Boston Celtics is congratulated by teammates Paul Pierce #23,Glen Davis #11,Kevin Garnett #5 and Ray Allen #20 after Rondo drew the foul in the second half agianst the Orlando Magic on February 6, 2011 at t
    Elsa/Getty Images

    We already know that everyone outside of Boston hates Kevin Garnett. Now Rajon Rondo is also generating his share of enemies, even if he’s not breaking any rules (see Huddlegate).

    So they’re a given to get engage in fisticuffs with their All-Star West contemporaries, but what about Ray Allen and Paul Pierce?

    Well they just happen to be going head to head in the Three-Point Shootout, the first time teammates have squared off against each other since the glory days of Dirk Nowitzki and Jason Terry way back in 2007.

    Long story short, Ray and Paul meet in the finals, Pierce throws a ball right as Allen is about to sink a game-winning money shot, hilarity and suspensions ensue.

The NBA Turns Away 401 Ticket Holders

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    ORLANDO, FL - MAY 04: NBA Commissioner David Stern leaves the arena as the Atlanta Hawks were defeated by the Orlando Magic in Game One of the Eastern Conference Semifinals during the 2010 NBA Playoffs at Amway Arena on May 4, 2010 in Orlando, Florida. Th
    Doug Benc/Getty Images

    In an attempt to outdo the NFL, the NBA and David Stern purposely sell 401 tickets to non-existent seats.

    They later claim to be the premier major sport when it comes to reverse-ticket sales, besting the Superbowl’s 400 non-existent seats.

    To compensate for their losses, the displaced fans receive passes to attend Kyrylo Fesenko’s The Art of Free Throw Shooting, taking place at the neighboring Nokia Theatre.

Steve Kerr Dominates the Shooting Stars Event …

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    5 Nov 1997:  Guard Steve Kerr of the Chicago Bulls shoots the ball over forward Derek Strong of the Orlando Magic during a game at the United Center in Chicago, Illinois.  The Bulls won the game 94-81. Mandatory Credit: Jonathan Daniel  /Allsport
    Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images

    Steve Kerr dominates the Shooting Stars Event, comes out of retirement and signs a 10-day contract with the Chicago Bulls. 

    Kerr is then formally recognized as the first NBA player in history to play, retire, become an analyst, a GM, then back to analyst, only to unretire and resume his playing career.

    He’s a human palindrome. 

Carmelo Anthony Signs an Extension with the Nuggets

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    DENVER, CO - FEBRUARY 10:  Carmelo Anthony #15 of the Denver Nuggets reacts after fouling out of the game late in the fourth quarter after a foul on Dirk Nowitzki of the Dallas Mavericks during NBA action at the Pepsi Center on February 10, 2011 in Denver
    Doug Pensinger/Getty Images

    Remember when Alex Rodriguez tried to overshadow the Red Sox and Rockies by announcing his contract extension during Game 4 of the 2007 World Series?

    I’d be willing to bet Melo comes out of nowhere and signs a huge deal, announcing it during Serge Ibaka’s second dunk on Saturday night. 

    Ibaka goes on to finish a distant fourth.

Yao Ming Goes for a Triple-Double

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    LOS ANGELES, CA - OCTOBER 26:  Yao Ming #11 of the Houston Rockets reacts to a play during their opening night game against the Los Angeles Lakers at Staples Center on October 26, 2010 in Los Angeles, California. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges
    Jeff Gross/Getty Images

    Just like the surprising return of the Rock in the WWE on this past Monday Night Raw, Yao comes out of nowhere and suits up for the All-Star game.

    He then proceeds to mess around and get a triple-double, only to break his other foot the next day shooting a new Visa commercial.

Christina Aguilera Doesn’t Sing the National Anthem

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    ARLINGTON, TX - FEBRUARY 06:  Singer Christina Aguilera sings the national anthem during Super Bowl XLV at Cowboys Stadium on February 6, 2011 in Arlington, Texas.  (Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)
    Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

    I know, I know. This is not truly outrageous. Jem and the Holograms have a better shot at performing the Anthem.

Final Score: 200-143

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    LOS ANGELES, CA - JUNE 06:  The 2011 NBA All-Star logo is unveiled by Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, Eric Gordon of the Los Angeles Clippers NBA legend James Worthy, NBA deputy commissioner Adam Silver and AEG CEO Tim Leiweke before Game Two of t
    Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

    Isn’t it about time a team scored 200 points in an NBA game? You know it!

    Heck, the way Dwyane Wade, LeBron James and Chris Bosh can concoct a plan, I’m sure all the players in the All-Star game can plot it out, so they agree to play zero defense whatsoever.

    If this happens, I'll definitely start watching next year.