Dear Owners Of Every NHL, NBA, NFL and MLB Team: An Open Letter

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Dear Owners Of Every NHL, NBA, NFL and MLB Team: An Open Letter
Dale MacMillan/Getty Images

This is an open letter to all team owners of every indoor sport.

Imagine if you went to the movies and they left all the lights on. Terrible. I want to see Mila Kunis checking out Natalie Portman's "basement" in "Black Swan." I don't want the lights on so that I'm distracted by the fat kid who can't seem to pull the Twizzlers apart.

Imagine if you went to an indoor concert and it was lit up like a classroom. Gross. No strobe lights, no lasers and no spotlights. Just the band, wires and roadies. There's a reason why the headliners at Coachella don't play at noon, and it's not just the heat.

I absolutely hate what indoor sporting events have become. There's no show anymore. Not too long ago, arenas used to only put lights on the court, boxing ring or ice. You couldn't see the crowd. Why would you want to anyway? We're paying to see the event. 

Nowadays, that's all you see is the crowd. It's so distracting. Especially in the cheap seats. From your view up there, with all the lights on, you see way more crowd than you do the event.

“Eww look, that guy put HIS last name on a real player's jersey."

"Wow, now those are FAKE boobs."

"Are there any celebrities here? No, just Frankie Muniz.” Congrats on your Clippers, Frankie!

How and why have arenas changed so much? What? So we don't fall down and sue the place? I will gladly sign a waiver before entering. Fans pay hard-earned money for their tickets. Way too much money in fact. At least give us a show. Let us stay interested. Let us get excited. Let us make noise.

Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

Arenas should be like the Thunderdome. They should be built vertical, directly over the action. It should be like a movie theater in there, pitch-black with THX sound. You want to sell more season tickets? Make the arena part of the show, not just the aging millionaires who are maybe/maybe not taking the night off that night.

I promise even a Cavaliers game could be worth going to with a little added presentation.

Somebody please send this to Mark Cuban. He usually pampers his fans and players with the best of everything. He'll see the error of everyone's ways. He'll lead the way back. Back to the old days, when you could actually see the court, ring or ice.

If we are going to pay hundreds of dollars for our tickets, I think we—sorry—I know we deserve it.

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