What USA/China Conflict? China Has Smacked Us Silly!

Greetings from a sunken pirate ship. 

Being a well-traveled island resident, I was struck by Bleacher Report's call to arms.  I have been to China and read to no end about the country.  I have lived in the United States, have driven across our country three times, and have eaten enough chicken and gravy to make my toilets shriek.

To answer the question from this "Open Mic": Is this battle of the nations for real? To answer the question: Yes, this battle of the nations was for real. 

To ask this question in the present tense would be incredibly naive. China is running circles around the United States.  This goes well beyond any Swim Cube.

Take the opening ceremony, which acts an outstanding metaphor for China’s discipline and dominance.  Do you really believe that some artsy-fartsy American could choreograph two thousand American male drummers to pound musical instruments mercilessly in unison? I doubt that you could find two thousand competent male drummers in the United States who would be willing to walk away from their bongwater, buffalo wings, and marathon You-Tube sessions.

While Michael Phelps is ripping the world a new backside in the pool, China is and already has ripped the United States a new one in life!

While thousands of Americans line up to try out for American Idol, hop in line for wet t-shirt contests in Panama City, and poke Facebook bozos, the Chinese are working.  When problems arise, they don’t call on the government to solve them.  For example, the Chinese currently have a real estate bubble. When that pops, millions of Chinese will not plead ignorance and expect government checks to finance their mortgage and a new Sea-Doo. 

Didn’t Latrell Sprewell just lose his house and yacht after complaining that millions weren’t enough to “feed” his family?  Unless he is hatching eggs, he has proven to be an All-American waste of space.

When you watch the Olympics over the next few weeks, stop to consider a few things:

First, your kids should be learning Mandarin. Enough with Spanish, French, or god-forbid Latin. 

Second, understand that China has already won.  While we may be complaining about a couple 14-year-old Chinese gymnasts, just watch and see how much our American 14-year-olds will complain when they become old enough to understand that they our surrounded by “adults” whose level of education extends to whatever they can find at grocery-store checkout lines.

Even Chinese athletes are realizing that they can dominate outside of the sports world. Famous Chinese gymnast Li Ning has started a sporting goods company in China that has grown 20 percent annually and has a market share in China just below Nike. While Sprewell is making babies and buying boats, Li Ning is feeding his family and then some. Not even the Swoosh is safe.

I leave you with one final point.  Many of you have probably observed the popular “viral email” photos of President Bush gazing at and smacking the backside of Misty May.  While he is busy smacking asses, let it be known that the American ass has already been smacked.