Hey John! Excited for the Georgetown co-eds?
While it's easy to determine who the night's winners and losers were based on their draft position, it takes a little more creativity to decide who had the best and worst nights in other, less basketball-related areas.
So, who made the worst pants choice in recent draft memory (regardless of sport)?
Why should Tyreke Evans consider himself lucky?
Is Gordon Hayward's girlfriend the happiest woman in America?
For answers to all these important questions and more, read on.
Fame, riches, and the intent interest of millions of available women are now readily available for Mr. Wall.
But that's not why he's the number one winner tonight.
It's because he invented the best athlete dance of all time. Check out the video and tell me this guy doesn't have superstar written all over him?
Hey Rachel. Wait, What Are You Doing Here?
Why is that interesting? Well, only because the Knicks don't have a first round pick!
If there has ever been a commentary on the east coast bias of ESPN, it was surely tonight.
While it was certainly a commentary on the importance on New York sports to ESPN, was it a commentary on the state of Rachel Nichols' career? Unfortunately, I'd have to guess it is.
Mr. Stern, much obliged. By the way, your breath smells horrible.
Sporting the nerdy frames, Ohio State cufflinks, and a cherry red tie, Turner looked all business.
That should be a reassuring sign for 76ers fans, as there may be a correlation between bad draft day suits and bad NBA careers.
Commissioner Stern, sorry I'm late...I was just at a pajammy-jam!
When ESPN's Draft coverage first panned into the green room, showing the prospects hanging out and waiting for things to get started, I initially thought that former Syracuse Orangeman had a very stylish suit on.
Rocking a well-fitting double breasted suit, a deal shirt (french collar, only to be worn when closing a deal) and a red paisley tie with a gold tie clip, Johnson looked like he was getting ready to audition for a Dos Equis commercial.
And then, he stood up.
Apparently Johnson's stylist forgot to tell him to put on his suit pants, because poor Wesley showed up on draft night wearing baggy flannel pajama pants.
One of the more alarming fashion gaffes in draft history, regardless of sport.
"Finally, I'm not the only guy with an attitude problem on this team"
But on a roster filled with international players and Spencer Hawes (though he was recently traded), Evans must have felt a little out of place. That shouldn't be a problem any longer.
DeMarcus Cousins is the poster boy of players with potential attitude problems in this draft class. Combine him with Tyreke Evans and well, Paul Westphal may soon regret coming out of retirement.
"I'M NOT A MONSTER!!!"
All good will was lost, for me at least, when Cousins sat down for his post-draft interview with ESPN.
I'm 96.379 percent sure he had either just smoked a blunt or had been sipping on codeine. Mumbling would be a kind way of describing whatever he incoherently said during the one interview.
The one thing he say that was audible? "I'm not a monster."
So, there's that.
"Three players in the top 14? Fuggedaboutit"
With three of his five draft eligible players getting picked in the top 14 picks, including John Wall at number one overall, every top college prospect with aspirations of playing in the NBA will jump (literally) at the chance to play for the Wildcats.
Also of note: After each former UK player had his named called by Stern, they sought out Calipari and hugged him. Say what you want about his recruiting tactics...Calipari is doing something right.
"Shhh. I've actually been at KU since MySpace was popular"
For the first time in the history of the NBA Draft, a college senior wasn't selected in the first 15 picks.
What does that mean?
I'm not sure...but wait, Cole Aldrich wasn't a senior? You're telling me that guy hasn't been at Kansas since 2003?
Maybe I was just confused about Aldrich's age because of his lack of teeth.
"Should I start working on my half court heaves at halftime? Nah."
Is there a nightlife in Salt Lake? Are there groupies?
My best guess at answers to those questions: not really and probably not.
This is all outstanding news for Gordon Hayward's girlfriend, who accompanied the former Butler Bulldog to Madison Square Garden on Thursday night.
Sleepless nights wondering about what your significant other is doing after a home game against the Los Angeles Lakers? When he plays for the Utah Jazz, not likely.
From Darko Milicic to Dirk Nowitzki and Yi Jianlian, international players have had varied success in the NBA.
The allure of the long interior player with the jump shot of a true shooting guard has burnt many a-team (ahem, 2003 Detroit Pistons.)
Is that trend slowly changing? Only one international player was selected in the first 20 picks on Thursday night: Kevin Seraphin of French Guinea. And, from what the analysts were saying, Seraphin probably won't play in Chicago for at least a year or two. Did they draft him just so they wouldn't have to pay him?