LeBron James just refuses to be out of the headlines. Even if his dental floss sold on eBay, ESPN would be reporting it.
So with the NBA Finals looming, guess who decide to take control of the headlines? ‘Bron. Oh, but this time, he’s bringing the Super Friends with him.
Obviously Dwyane Wade is The Flash. Chris Bosh can be Aquaman because he’s been limited to an abyss for his entire career. Amar’e Stoudemire and Joe Johnson are the Wonder Twins, because they are completely useless when they are needed most.
These five NBA All—Stars are set to meet in what is shaping up to be the mostly hotly covered gathering since the Yalta Conference in 1945. Step aside G8, because unlike your meetings, something actually might get done.
I hear they are using the Fortress of Solitude for privacy. Hopefully Dwight Howard isn’t home.
It started with just James, Wade and Johnson, but now with the two big men aboard, there’s a starting five that could easily go undefeated. If they are considering on going to the same team, the NBA needs to watch out.
Actually, they won’t have to watch out. They won’t even have to play the season.
The Super Friends hold the NBA in the palm of their hands. Five men, all under the age of 30, control a multimillion—dollar enterprise, and can shape it any way they please. Which is a serious problem.
But not so serious that we need British Petroleum’s help. We’ve seen how they deal with serious problems.
I’m calling collusion, which is the NBA’s version of a steroid scandal.
And who doesn’t love a good scandal? That’s the only way senators get any airtime nowadays.
Oxford English Dictionary defines collusion as “a secret agreement or understanding for purposes or trickery or fraud; underhand scheming or working with another; deceit, fraud, trickery.”
I define collusion as this meeting.
No one knows its location, it’s set to be completely private, and if the five strike a deal not to except anything below max deals, then they are fixing their wages unfairly, which violates league rules.
So far, shockingly, David Stern has not said anything about it. However, I guarantee if five NBA owners had the exact same meeting, they’d be writing out a check the next morning to the league office for an amount near the annual budget of Monaco.
Hopefully they would use a novelty check the size of Monaco.
But even if Stern doesn’t view it as collusion, the meeting still carries many dangers. Mainly, Groupthink.
No, this not a PBS show.
Groupthink is a type of faulty decision-making that occurs in groups who are more concerned about unanimity in the group than quality decisions. It often occurs when there is no one to offer contradicting opinions to the group’s views.
This meeting sounds prime for this kind of behavior, and if King James and Co. don’t make a wise decision, the league he wants to be the face of could crumble under the pressure.
Then again, all of James’ teammates already do the same thing, so he should be used to it.
If they are most concerned about the group’s benefit, competition would certainly plummet without a superstar balance. When the Celtics got Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett for virtually nothing, there were already loud cries of foul play. What if one team got three or more of these players?
By the way, since Mr. Stern is so stingy on tampering , how does he not see this as the same thing? If anyone is going to have an effect on where the big time free agents play, it’s their closest friends.
The only thing tighter than these Super Friends is Jabba the Hutt in a leotard.
So what can be done to stop this possibly destructive force? Stern needs to slap each of the five who have spoken publicly about the summit with the same fines he slapped Mark Cuban with.
Yes, it’s not a lot of money. LeBron starts his day with $100,000 worth of gold-plated Frosted Flakes.
But it will give the fans a glimpse of the future. If these studs are willing to cough up the cash just to go on with the meeting, their respective fan bases will know they are on the move, and can appropriately begin postpartum depression.
Sure, they could conference call instead, but Wade’s on T-Mobile, so they will never be able to get a hold of him.
But the best solution, which would remove all signs of collusion, is to make the meeting public.
Have Ric Bucher live blog.
Let Michael Smith tweet table-side.
Put the Fearsome Fivesome at center court in Madison Square Garden and sell tickets.
If the Super Friends all want to be like the Green Lantern and get their ring, let’s make sure they know everyone is watching.
Sure, the players can be as honest as they want, but with all the spectators, we can all be witnesses as Lebron’s reputation plummets if he decides on anything shady.
If these players want to be seen as the loyal athletes that they repeatedly tell their respective cities they are, then a public meeting will stop them from all joining forces. They don’t want to upset the fans, and will instead just go their separate ways, returning the power struggle to its normal balance.
But if that solution doesn’t work, Stern can just release the Kraken. It worked for Zeus.
And Liam Neeson.