I hate the mixing of politics and sports–almost as much as I hate the sports teams from Los Angeles. I’ve said it a million times everywhere from this blog, to NBC Sports and even on NPR, sports and politics shouldn’t mix. With that said, I’ve decided to make one exception.
Earlier this week the City of Los Angeles approved a boycott of the state of Arizona in response to the state’s controversial new immigration law. Unfortunately L.A.’s boycott of Arizona doesn’t include the Lakers forfeiting the Western Conference Finals against the Suns or the Dodgers erasing the three beat downs they just handed to the Diamondbacks. Though it seems only fitting that they should–they have and will continue to profit off the state of Arizona. Doesn’t that “business” violate the supposed city-wide boycott of their neighbors to the east?
In response to this boycott, and our pure hatred of everything L.A. sports, I want fans to forget about the ‘Beat L.A.’ chants during the Western Conference Finals and switch to ‘Boycott L.A.’ chants instead. Regardless of your political beliefs, we can all agree that we hate the Lakers, Dodgers and Rams…wait, never mind on that last one, so why not band together in protest?
If L.A. is allowed to have a nonsensical boycott, we here in Phoenix should be able to too. I’m not proposing the companies of Phoenix stop doing business with those in Los Angeles. No, my boycott is much simpler and from a more understandable place, sports rivalry.
I say boycott L.A. Times Columnist Bill Plaschke. After the hatchet job he did on the Suns Tuesday with his L.A. homer stance he shouldn’t be let into the U.S. Airways Center. Heck, he shouldn’t be allowed to rent a car and a hotel room in the state. Restaurants shouldn’t sell him food and local authorities should be on high alert. He committed a hate crime, hating on the good mojo the Phoenix Suns have going. Plus, have you seen him on ESPN’s Around the Horn? Anyone on that monstrosity of a television show should be banned in the name of good taste.
Add Ron Artest to that list as well. In Plaschke’s piece, Ron-Ron acts as if he has no clue who Channing Frye is. “It’s Stoudemire and Frye … is it Frye?” asked Artest. Channing Frye will be that 6′ 11″ guy nailing threes on Andrew Bynum and Pau Gasol in a few days. Hey Ron, shave the name in your hair so you don’t forget. Although, maybe we should give Artest a break. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t even know who he is half the time, let alone players on an opposing team.
Lakers fans? Yeah, boycott them too. Even if they live in the state, for the next two weeks they are persona non grata around these parts. You know the type I’m talking about. The purple and gold-wearing, annoying and sometimes obscene people who were absent for most of the mid 1990s. The kind that seem to think Kobe is an upstanding citizen, that Pau Gasol is the closest thing to Wilt Chamberlain since Wilt Chamberlain and that Andrew Bynum is the second coming of Shaq. The kind of fan front runners that Suns fans who have suffered for 40+ years love to hate.
While we’re at it, let’s do everyone in the country who doesn’t call the cesspool that is Los Angeles home a big favor. Let’s hold the biggest Lakers protest ever. Let Nash, Stoudemire, Hill, Richardson and Lopez lead the charge and make sure the Finals are L.A. and Kobe- free. We can even bust out the Los Suns, is better than Los Angeles jerseys during the series while we’re at it. Make it a nationwide event.
For the next two weeks, if the Lakers last the full seven games, I say go as far as refusing to buy anything from someone with a lousy attitude, fake blond hair or that talks like a Valley girl. You know, the character traits that make you hate L.A. sports fans. I’d say include breast implants but we might inadvertently dent Scottsdale’s economy in the process.
Boycott being late and leaving early from anything over the next two weeks. You don’t want to look like a Lakers or Dodgers fan who comes a quarter of the way into a game and leaves three quarters of the way into it, do you?
Avoid Jack Nicholson movies too. The number one Lakers fan doesn’t get a free pass in this protest. I know this is tough but just don’t turn on TNT or AMC at 3 a.m. and you should be able to escape the constant A Few Good Men airings. You are however free to go to your local theater, Jack hasn’t had a movie that’s been shown in a theater in years.
The point of all this is, hasn’t this country suffered enough at the hands of Los Angeles? This is the city that gave us reality television, the new Tonight Show with Jay Leno, the original Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Pauly Shore, his movies, Sasha Vujacic’s bad hair, his nickname and the Kobe-Shaq feud.
It’s time we put a stop to L.A. and the likes of the Lakers and Bill Plaschke. Forget ‘Beat L.A.’–it’s time to boycott L.A. in hopes of a better tomorrow. The world deserves a Lakers-free Finals. Phoenix should be the city to give it to them and Suns fans deserve to let their L.A. hatred proudly show.
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