This is the second part of the Mocking the Draft: NBA Players as Sitcom Characters. Part I is here.
6. New York Knicks, O.J. Mayo, PG/SG—Theo Huxtable (The Cosby Show)
Question: Which Huxtable kid wanted to grow up too quickly?
Theo Huxtable wanted it all and right now. He got his ear pierced. He desperately wanted a $100 Gordon Gartrell shirt (in the '80s!). For goodness sakes, he wanted to become a pilot.
I’m sure O.J. Mayo believes can fly too. I get the sense from his exploits that he’s just a little too much in a hurry to be a super-duper star. He picked USC because he thought it would gain him the most exposure, and if the allegations are true, he went because of the money.
Then he left after a year to pursue his dream of playing in the NBA. Let’s just hope that Rodney Guillory turned his house into a real-world situation to teach him the lessons of life.
7. Clippers, Eric Gordon, SG—Tim Taylor (Home Improvement)
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If Eric Gordon were a baseball player, I’d call him a five-tool player and be done with it (ha-HA!).
But he’s not—instead he was recruited by Indiana to fix everything by bringing home an NCAA championship. Let’s just say it turned out like an episode of Tool Time—although I would like to note that many of the problems (like Kelvin Sampson's gazillion phone calls) weren’t the result of Gordon’s actions.
However, Gordon's so-so play towards the end of the season definitely felt like something was broken.
This, of course, clearly makes D.J. White into Al Borlan, the sidekick that does everything well, but garners much less hoopla than his partner. There’s a nice symmetry there. Isn’t it?
Does everyone know what time it is? Yowzah!
8. Milwaukee Bucks, Danilo Gallinari, SF—Balki Bartokomous (Perfect Strangers)
Can it be any more wrong of me to characterize the only player coming from a foreign country on this list as Balki Bartokomous?
Given that I pegged Brook Lopez as Steve Urkel solely because he went to Stanford, I submit that it cannot!
Besides, I personally would love to see Danilo break out the dance of joy after getting drafted.
9. Anthony Randolph, SF/PF—N. Bluth (Arrested Development)
Arrested Development is one of my all-time favorite shows (see my profile). So, why name Anthony Randolph as N. Bluth?
N. Bluth is a mysterious character—who is this N. Bluth that’s supposed to testify at the mock trial? We don’t know—like I, despite my hours upon hours of college basketball watching (“Siena versus Bethune-Cookman? I am so in!”) knew very little (okay, nothing) about Anthony Randolph as he plied his trade for a fairly crappy LSU team.
Later in the episode, we find out that N. Bluth is really Michael Bluth, the main character, just as in real life where Anthony Randolph might be a sleeper in the draft and the main man on his team.
I just hope he isn’t “Mr. F.”
10. Nets, DeAndre Jordan, C—Will Smith (The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air)
When Will Smith came from inner city Philadelphia to Bel-Air, he was rough around the edges for the genteel Banks family. DeAndre Jordan, like Smith, is fairly rough in his basketball skills. In fact, DraftExpress called him a “project with a capital P.”
Besides, take a wild guess as to where his hometown is?
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2 months ago
hilarious article.
i hope you don't really think the 'wolves will take lopez at 3...that's just ridiculous. you must be reading too much chad ford, the biggest impostor in the media.
from 2 months ago
Hi Hank -
Actually - I have very little opinion about who should take whom, because I really don't know anything about the NBA. I think I picked up the order of this mock draft from draftexpress.com.
2 months ago
Criminy! -
You went way back for some of those characters. Don't know if many readers will recognize many of the characters let alone the sitcoms. When you picked Lowell Mather you made my list of top ten sportswriters who watched too much TV in their formative years.
LC
from 2 months ago
Thanks! (I think.)
2 months ago
Ben,
I enjoyed both parts 1 and 2.
2 months ago
I'm waiting on a Larry David comparison.
2 months ago
This is wonderful, Ben!
from 2 months ago
Thanks Ben!
2 months ago
love the brian regan reference. PB and J and croutons.
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