Did you ever wonder if…
The first five picks of the NBA draft could be characterized by sitcom characters?
Probably not—but when inspiration strikes, you just have to roll with it. Let’s start at the top:
1. Chicago Bulls, Michael Beasley, PF – Bart Simpson (The Simpsons)
The trite thing to say would be, “Which draft pick would be most likely to tell you to eat his shorts while he was throwing down a nasty dunk?” However, the similarities between Beasley and Simpson run even deeper than that cursory comparison.
First, both have a penchant for mischievousness. Like Bart’s calls to Moe’s Tavern for I.P. Freely, Jacque Strap, and Hugh Jass (who’s an extraordinarily nice guy, by the way), Beasley is known for “signing” graffiti all over his high school.
Second, when asked to try out, both Beasley and Bart faced questions about their height. When the Radioactive Man movie came to Springfield, Bart was supposedly perfect for the part…except that he was two inches too short.
Beasley, on the other hand, might be the consummate power forward, but he might be only 6'7", or 6'10", or 7'4". If we did this in meters, I’m sure it wouldn’t be a problem.
2. Miami Heat, Derrick Rose, PG – George Costanza (Seinfeld)
What does a stocky, balding liar have to do with a stocky, ankle-breaking point guard?
Both of these two will do anything they can to carry their respective teams to victory.
For Costanza, it’s legging out a home run and pasting Bette Midler. For Derrick Rose, it’s demolishing UCLA in a virtuoso performance in the Final Four.
Rose, as a point guard, and Costanza, as a short white guy, have been considered by many to be “chuckers.”
Co-stan-za. Ro-se. By Men-nen.
3. Timberwolves, Brook Lopez, C – Steve Urkel (Family Matters)
Did IIIIII do that?
Oh snap. I just did.
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