Scouting Reports for Riley Curry and the All-NBA Kid Team
If you've watched any number of postgame pressers this season, you'll know we are currently living in the golden age of NBA kids.
If the '90s were the high-water mark of league competition, the '10s (teens?) are a similar gilded era for NBA players' progeny. An embarrassment of adorable talent now exists in the field of NBA children, to the point where making a short list of the best is like trying to whittle the '92 Dream Team down to a five-man roster.
It wasn't easy choosing the starting five on my All-NBA Kid Team. There are many great NBA kids who didn't make the cut—all-timers who, in any other era, would've been first-ballot NBA Kid HOFers (Nick Young Jr., Jackson Bosh—the list goes on).
But after a number of Capri Sun-fueled all-nighters in the film room, I feel confident that the following All-NBA Kid Team lineup is the right one, and I present the following scouting reports to back up my decisions.
They are the cream of the cream. They are the best NBA kids:
PG: Chris Paul II
Gifted ball-handler with killer instincts. Gym rat. Wakes up at 6 a.m. on weekends to run wind sprints in the master bedroom. Bit of a diva when it comes to media availability/vegetables. Hates losing more than he loves chicken fingers.
SG: Riley Curry
Natural scorer with a great feel for spacing and timing. Fearless in traffic/crowded malls. A bit streaky. Sometimes disappears under the table during big games. Overall a vocal, high-upside leader in the locker room and on the changing table.
Combo: P.J. Rose
Strong handles but can create his own scoring opportunities/messes. Exudes swagger and will shoot through rough patches instead of napping. Quickly recognizes mismatches/clouds shaped like dogs and points them out to his teammates/parents. Neck strength/ability to keep head upright is a concern.
SF: Bronny James
A hybrid 4 with next-level court vision and a mean crossover. Already a champion at a young age. Can spot up or take you to the rack but would prefer the zoo. Devout believer in Santa. High-character guy with "Let's watch SpongeBob" written all over him.
Center: Amir Cousins
Quiet but confident. Plays bigger than his 40-inch frame in the paint and on the jungle gym. Has a variety of go-to post moves and Post cereals. High-points rebounds/stuff left out on the counter. Weaknesses include free throws and coloring ducks blue.
Dan is on Twitter. His rehab stints for his Sour Patch Kids addiction remain a character concern.
