Top 10 Funny Fantasy Basketball Team Names for 2013-2014 NBA Season

Gabe Zaldivar@gabezalPop Culture Lead WriterOctober 16, 2013

Top 10 Funny Fantasy Basketball Team Names for 2013-2014 NBA Season

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    Friends don't let friends play fantasy sports with lame team names. 

    Hopefully, we can inspire you aspiring managers of the fantasy world to come up with a snazzy new name nobody has ever created. 

    Then again, you can always just steal one of the many that follow and set your team on auto-draft like you know you will anyway. 

    Now please don't consider this a definitive list, because this is just my thoughts on some low-hanging fruit when it comes to fantasy team names. 

    The thing is, I rather enjoy stupid puns and silly comedic callbacks, so please plunk down some of your own suggestions in the comments section below. 

    Injuries, subpar play and horrible draft decisions may soon ruin the best intentions of any manager. Still, nobody can ever take away your team name. 

    Here are some more. 

Honorable Mentions

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    Here are the gems that were left on the cutting room floor. 

    Great Harden's Beard - It is pretty swell after all. 

    Hold the O.J. Mayo - Just generally useful life advice right here. 

    We All Need Boogie Cousins - Well, some do at least. 

    Bosh Champagne Bath - There is no need to forget the best image in NBA history. 

    New England Jae Crowder - Is that the red or the white?

    Pinch My Maurice Cheeks - Go ahead, pinch them. 

    All You Need is Love - The more Kevin Love the better. 

    Len-Sanity - Forget Jeremy Lin, because Alex Len is going to take over the NBA, or not. Either way you can use this if you draft him in deep leagues. 

10. Captain Kaman

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    Finally, something annoying to shout every single time you take a player in your upcoming fantasy draft. The only downside is you have to take the Lakers big man at some point. 

    Don't worry, he'll be there. 

    Now we are pretty bummed that Kaman has decided to ditch his former long-flowing hair. It was that hair that really had fans relating the center to a basketball-playing caveman

    If ever there were a worthy petition, it would be for Kaman to once again grow out his hair. 

9. You Talk About Mark Jackson

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    I'm glad to see the Golden State Warriors head coach doing well in his new post, but I really miss his color commentary. 

    Now we have no clue what we are talking about when we happen to talk about something when watching an NBA game and talking about it. 

    Then again, we can guarantee that any defensive misstep deserves the obligatory, "Hand Down, Man Down." Don't stay away too long, Jackson. 


8. Breaking Brad Stevens

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    Brad Stevens is just a lucky 12-year-old basketball fan who won the job as Boston Celtics head coach. Wait, I might be wrong on his age, but it can't be by much. 

    Sure, you can form a team name based on his prepubescent looks and presumably early curfew he has at his parents' house, but we prefer to infuse some sort of Breaking Bad reference in his list—if only for the fact that the show was amazing. 

    And with a roster that features Rajon Rondo and some other guys we don't have the strength to name, we are guessing the Celtics are at least going to make him bend a little this season. 

7. Dragic Johnson

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    Trust me, there is a Suns fan out there who believes Goran Dragic is the second coming of Magic Johnson. Well, you might as well own it and use the moniker we are shocked hasn't really taken off by now. 

    Hell, waste a pick on James Nunnally and you have your very own Big Game James. 

6. Frosted Blakes

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    My friend once drafted kicker Josh Scobee and former running back Josh Scobey in an NFL fantasy league just for the name Scobee Snacks. (Yeah, he didn't win.)

    Still, I love this strategy. 

    For NBA purposes, make sure you get Steve Blake during the garbage rounds to pair him with the slam-dunking Blake Griffin. From there, you have a delicious cereal of a name.  

    Now for those rare teams with both Andre Miller and Mike Miller, we suggest We're the Millers. At least your team might do better than the movie. 

5. Stephen Curry Makes Me Gassy

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    I love everything about curry: the power, pizazz and spice. It's delicious. 

    I also happen to have an affinity for Warriors star Stephen Curry, who can drop threes, dish dimes and generally dominate on the court. 

    Being a Lakers honk, I would be lying if I didn't say he also gives me some very real emotional and gastrointestinal distress when he suits up against my team. 

    OK, I just picked the name because I like juvenile humor. 

4. The Curious Case of Greg Oden

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    Fun fact: Greg Oden is 25 years old, but he looks 50. 

    Now that he is a member of the Miami Heat, the forever-injured big man can be yours during that final round of the draft when exhaustion makes some players look far better than they actually are. 

    Now we don't really think Oden is going through a Benjamin Button type of resurgence, getting younger as he gets older. Actually, we only slightly believe that. 

    Of course, we aren't this clever to make the connection but have no idea who the first person was to refer to Oden as the character made popular by Brad Pitt. 

    We do see former Ball Don't Lie writer J.E. Skeets made the reference back in 2009, so we hat tip in his general direction. 

3. Afflalo You Anywhere

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    Arron Afflalo is that glue guy that will get you production where you least expect it. ESPN has him ranked comfortably at No. 132 in its top 200 fantasy players. 

    His 16.5 points per game last season isn't anything to sniff at and neither is his name's wonderful ability to offer up a cute little play on words. 

    I'll follow him anywhere, just not too high in the draft and never off the cozy little spot on my bench that I have for him. 


2. Festus for the Rest of Us

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    To be honest, the Warriors' Festus Ezeli doesn't offer much for fantasy basketball owners other than the ability to jump wholeheartedly into the holiday spirit. 

    We can be optimistic that the young man who averaged 2.4 points in his rookie season will do better with a year under his belt. Really, we are just drafting the guy for his awesome name, and we thank him for it. 

1. Super Nintendo Mario Chalmers

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    This is just a classic.

    You or someone you know has at one point referred to Mario Chalmers as Super Mario, only to have someone else remind that the moniker Super Nintendo Mario Chalmers is just sitting there like a delicious dish to be shared by all. 

    As The Big Lead once noted, Dwyane Wade has a far better, if very NSFW, nickname for the Heat player. Perhaps your team could be called that instead.