Krispy Kreme Donuts Will Make You Fat, According to a Bigger Tyler Zeller
Everybody welcome Tyler Zeller to the party, because he just realized something that the general populace has known for years: Krispy Kreme donuts are delicious and will make you fat.
The Plain Dealer's Mary Schmitt Boyer reports that the Cleveland Cavaliers big man is far bigger this offseason, which is remarkable considering he ended last season at a svelte 238 pounds.
Per the report, the 7-footer suffered from the flu to close out the 2012-13 season, dropping him to just under 240 when he was used to playing at around 250 pounds.
Well, he lived the dream for a spell and ate anything he wanted, including delicious Krispy Kreme donuts. Apparently he once ate 10 in one sitting. "They're so good. If you get them hot...I ate about six in probably 10 minutes, maybe less."
The report states Zeller got his weight back, and then some:
In spite of his high metabolism, when he returned to Cleveland in late June, he was up 20 pounds, about eight pounds more than the 250 he played at most of his rookie season.
"I'm not going to say I was fat, but I felt very out of shape,'' Zeller said. "I had to transfer that into 'good' weight and muscle. Now I'm between 255-260, and I'm pretty happy with that, although I'm trying to gain more.''
Wait, so Krispy Kreme donuts make you fat?
As Boyer notes, Zeller certainly can use the added bulk headed into his second season. Essentially, if there is one player who can stand to go on a junk-food bender, it would be Zeller.
Might we recommend dabbling in the value menu at Jack in the Box at two in the morning? (It worked for us.)
In fact, this should be his training regimen from here on out.
While the rest of us eat one donut and quickly devolve into a sorry mass of flesh that merely wants to find somewhere to nap, Zeller is using it to his advantage.
We have no idea if the infusion of deep-fried morsels covered in sweet glaze will improve his 7.9 points or 5.7 rebounds per game, but you never know unless you try.
If you need Zeller, he will be hitting the gym, throwing up massive amounts of weight while chewing on the last of the donuts he bought.
Or he is sleeping after a brief but beautiful sugar rush.
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