The 2013 NBA Draft Lottery was pretty much the same as all the others, only with different people celebrating...sort of. It was 30 minutes of filler, guys in suits looking like game show contestants and a never-ending supply of awkward:
After the usual package to start things out explaining how the lottery selection process works, Heather Cox, the emcee for the evening, showed up and got things going.
How did she start out? By explaining how the lottery selection process works for the second time, but this time with the use of a bunch of ping pong balls bouncing around as a prop.
A few awkward shots of the teams' representatives sitting at their podiums as they waited for this all to be over with was then used as filler.
Finally, we moved on to meeting each team's representative, which came across as another attempt to waste time by ESPN, complete with Cox unsure of how much time she needed to fill.
As she introduced each team's representative, the room started to grow antsy. It seemed as if they had been in the room for hours waiting for a 10-minute process to end:
The buzz in the room is so weird...beal smirking, Cleveland's always giant contingent making lots of noise— Zach Lowe (@ZachLowe_NBA) May 22, 2013
The fact that Cleveland's group of people in the room is giant is bad enough, but being described as "always giant" not only points toward their poor play over the past few years but the joy they seem to have whenever they come to the lottery.
Cox ran down each representative, stopping every now and then to ask one of the guys a question. The only problem is she seemed to have no idea who to talk to.
Once she got to Damian Lillard, there representing the Portland Trail Blazers, she asked him a question and moved on to Kevin Love.
She pointed out Love's good luck charm, calling it a bobblehead. That, of course, led Love to examine the Ricky Rubio action figure to find out if the head bobbled:
Next came Bradley Beal of the Washington Wizards, who Cox introduced. She then paused for a second like she was about to ask a question, causing the camera to hesitate. A long silence ensued before she decided to go ahead and move on.
Once we got to Cleveland's representative, Nick Gilbert, owner Dan Gilbert's son, we were at perhaps the moment of the draft, as he told Heather Cox that he hoped he wouldn't have to come back next year.
He took a long pause before clarifying that he thought Cleveland would make the playoffs next year, but the tension had grown, and Gilbert had spoken:
Nick Gilbert’s “Pshhh, I’m at this lottery” is actually the most swag the lottery has ever seen.— netw3rk (@netw3rk) May 22, 2013
Finally, mercilessly we were under way, everything going as expected for the first six teams.
Once the Toronto Raptors were revealed at No. 12 (which meant they would have to give their pick to the Oklahoma City Thunder), we got a look at Bryan Colangelo whose face said, "I just lost all my power and my draft pick all in the same day:"
We also got a nice comment from Jay Bilas, who mentioned that the Phoenix Suns had never had the first overall pick, seconds before the team was revealed at fifth overall.
Finally we got to the final three, with a familiar face winning the lottery:
We finished up the evening with Joakim Noah taking what could be considered another subtle shot at Cleveland and Dan Gilbert:
That Gilbert family is really something...— Joakim Noah (@JoakimNoah) May 22, 2013
To be fair to Noah, Gilbert did invite local rapper Machine Gun Kelly to accompany the group that represented Cleveland. He's a guy who is really something in one of the worst ways possible:
Another successful lottery and another solid half-hour of cringe-worthy content. This is why the league refuses to change the lottery process.
It's just too fun.