Ingenious Fan Sues Injured Derrick Rose for Making Him Fat and Depressed

Derrick Rose's injury has affected us all. Well, some more than others, because one fan is suing the Chicago Bulls star for making him a fat, depressed mess. 

HipHop365 reports Rose's lingering injury has taken its toll on the psyche and waistline of one superfan.  

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A 25 year old Peoria Illinois man filed a lawsuit Thursday against Chicago Bulls Superstar Derrick Rose. Matthew Thompson, a self-described long-time Bulls fan, and electrician claims Rose missing the entire 2012-2013 NBA regular season has caused him to have mental breakdowns and emotional distress, which ultimately led to obesity issues.

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According to reports, Thompson claims Rose displayed negligent behavior by refusing to return to the court, despite having been cleared by team doctors. He blames his health issues on the MVP’s refusal to return.

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Someone get Jackie Chiles on the phone; something tells me he has experience in these types of lawsuits. 

Consider this a watershed moment in sports and legal proceedings. If Thompson is successful, I may have to launch my own lawsuits immediately. I know I ate one too many slices of pizza during Kwame Brown's Lakers tenure, and Smush Parker alone caused me to gain 10 pounds. 

Of course, this is the kind of case for which they invented the term "frivolous lawsuit."

There is absolutely no way this case makes it any further than being just a whimsical story about a poor fan who can't put the donut down. In fact, I am even concerned about the veracity of the initial report because this is just too odd. 

Rose has not yet returned to the court since he tore his ACL in a playoff game against the Philadelphia 76ers in the first round of last year's NBA playoffs, via USA Today.

As The N.Y. Daily News reports, there's a chance (however slim) that Rose may make his way back to the court in the opening round of the playoffs, so there is hope for those Bulls fans currently in the middle of a year-long food binge. 

I am sure there are thousands of Chicago basketball fans who have been far more depressed about the state of their team than they were a year ago. 

I want to congratulate each one on maintaining sanity and not drowning their sorrows in a pancake bender of sorts. You are indeed stronger than Thompson, who just issued the most insane lawsuit in sports. 

Hit me up on Twitter for more of that funny feeling: Follow @gabezal.