After signing on to man the bench at the one school in the nation with initials that could denote “Fire Isiah U,” the new head coach of the Florida International men’s basketball team will be paying heftily for his job security.
That’s because former New York Knick coach Isiah Thomas has pledged to donate his entire first year’s salary to the FIU Athletic Department. And this decision came just hours after Thomas inked a deal to become the school’s highest profile faculty member.
Thomas’ crazy decision was made much easier by the fact that he is still owed roughly $12 million from his previous employer, otherwise known as James Dolan and the Knickerbockers.
Guess that means this probably won’t become a trend amongst college basketball coaches nationwide. You can calm down now, Jim Calhoun.
Of course, this makes firing Isiah that much tougher, which is all part of Thomas’ master plan, I’m sure. Halfway through the season, when the inevitable “Fire Isiah!” chants start up, the school will be hard-pressed to send their pro bono coach packing.
And what about all those pending sexual harassment suits? Does this generous gift that Thomas has bestowed upon his unlikely benefactor entitle him to free hugs from the ladies of FIU?
Is he granted full access to the women’s locker room? Will he be allotted a certain number of prostitutes each pay period to atone for the donated paycheck?
These are questions we need to answer before we can put our trust in the borderline-insane man they call “Zeke.”
God bless, Florida International University. They need all the help they can get.