Wally Watch: March 31, 2009

Wally Watch: Where we read Wally Hall so you don’t have to.

March 31, 2009: TV deal gives SEC basketball a rebound shot

Primary Theme:The SEC’s recent television deal with ESPN will help raise the conference’s sagging basketball efforts. Also, something about the auto bailout.

Someone Please Tell Us What This Means

“Looking at the Final Four and realizing there is no team in it close to being west of the Mississippi River was another reminder of how much the SEC has slipped the past two years.”

No, Seriously…What Does That Mean?

After years of parsing Wally’s fractured grammar, we’re finally stumped by the above quote. Surely Wally knows that there is only SEC team west of the Mississippi, right? So what’s the connection? Please tell us if you know.

We Wish This Was Our Name

“This time next year, after the NBA Draft, [Hasheem Thabeet’s] name also will be millionaire.”

Paging Alanis Morisette

We’re not sure if this is really all that ironic…"Perhaps there is a touch of irony in the fact Ford Motor Co. put up the bulk of the money to build Ford Field, and that was the American automaker that didn’t take any government bailout money.”

Our Analysis

One way you can judge whether Wally is in fine form or not is by looking at the first and last paragraphs (usually the same as the first and last sentences) to see if there’s any connection whatsoever between them. In that regard, this column really delivers: It begins with that geographically confusing statement about teams west of the Mississippi not making the Final Four, and ends with a note about General Motors canceling its suites and pregame parties during the Final Four. Well done!