Now see, why can't we hear Spurs stories like this more often?
It seems like Barry, a former Spurs guard and current NBA analyst, once asked a giggling Duncan how much it would take to lay a smooch on the commish.
The going rate was $100.
A huge tip of the hat to BuzzFeed, which got some amazing words from Barry on the time he received his 2005 NBA Championship ring.
Barry starts off by recounting all the emotions that come with standing in the dark with the spotlight burning on your fellow teammates, ready to receive your piece of glory in the form of blinged-out rings.
As I basked in that satisfaction I stood next to Tim Duncan. I said something like "Well that was fun last year, we should try to do this again!" He giggled his goofy giggle. And then I asked him how much he would give me if I kissed David Stern upon getting my ring.
I'm already pot committed to this story when the image of a chuckling Duncan is painted with the masterstroke of a wordsmith.
He offered a sum, I considered it and waited for my name to be called. As I approached the Commish I felt like I couldn't let my captain down. So after a quick ‘Congratulations Brent’ from David I hugged him and planted one right on his cheek. To this day, I swear he and grandma have the same skin.
Not only does he plant one, but Barry gives us a first-hand description on something we never wanted to know but find bizarrely intriguing, Stern's skin texture.
It gets worse.
As I moved slowly from the spotlight as it found the next player, I casually glanced over to Tim and, wiping my tongue with my finger tips as if something flakey remained from my time with Mr. Stern, I mouthed the words: "You owe me a hundred bucks!"
Is David Stern a plaster doll? Is he some lizard man who molts where he stands? Is this the best Spurs story ever?
Perhaps, maybe and yes.
Barry had another chance to get a ring from Stern in 2007, but the commish halted any and all smooching before the ring ceremony.
He stole a moment with me and told me there'll be no more kisses tonight. During the ceremony, this time David and I exchanged a look I will always remember.
While we couldn't find the hilarious kiss, BuzzFeed did spot this YouTube video of the 2007 ring ceremony.
You could almost sense Stern keeping his distance from this player with a penchant for smooching cheeks.
The Spurs, contrary to popular opinion, are not boring at all.
Follow me on Twitter for more nonsense.