Tyler Hansbrough is Ready to Improve Your Life Immeasurably

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Tyler Hansbrough is Ready to Improve Your Life Immeasurably

… PRESENTED BY THE SPORTS HERNIA!

Now that college football season is over and Tim Tebow has rid the earth of all the wrongdoers in college football, prepare yourself for an Oliver Miller-like helping of Tyler Hansbrough. That’s right, we’re talking about big Psycho-T, that super intense guy on UNC with the crazy eyes!

Consider him a gift though, as the shift of focus from one major college sport to another wouldn’t be such a layup without a destined hero already in place for us to humbly bow to, and verbally slurp on a daily basis.

Since it’s January, conference play is in full swing which no doubt makes for some great games and rivalries. But it also means the hype for Hansbrough will be through the roof. You’ll be seeing him and UNC on television quite a bit now between ESPN, CBS, ABC and the Presidential Inauguration, so let’s brush up on some of Psycho-T’s most notable career highlights:

  • Jumped into Gerald Henderson’s fist to purposely break his nose and help not only create his warrior legacy, but wisely increase hype for the next showdown with Duke.
  • Scared Notre Dame’s Luke Harangody into faking an injury and sitting out after viciously tearing the head off of a red-headed Cabbage Patch Doll during the pregame shoot-around.
  • Became the first to dunk from three-point range since Tom Chambers in the Sega Genesis Lakers vs. Celtics video game.
  • After driving the lane and connecting on a layup while being fouled, Hansbrough injures four of Wake Forest’s five starters with his thunderous celebration scream.
  • Ate Shane Battier’s prized flute.
  • Honoring another North Carolina legend, Hansbrough put on his best performance to date wearing Ric Flair’s signature red robe for the entire game.
  • After missing the team bus, Hansbrough rides to N.C. State on his Battle Cat.
  • Leaped from a fraternity house rooftop and into a pool filled with alligators. Respecting the fearless beast, the crocs swam to the corresponding sides of the pool, with each of them holding up a sign that read ‘10’.
  • Picked up Cameron Indoor Stadium and threw it down Tobacco Road after a ticky-tack foul came on a late whistle.
  • Captivating co-star of Karate Kid III. While ultimately losing in the end due to a poorly written, crummy script, Hansbrough reportedly made up for it by kicking the living crap out of Daniel-San between every take.
  • Trained Hulk Hogan the art of the stare down for six weeks leading up to the Hulkster’s historic match with Andre the Giant at Wresltemania III. Even more impressive, Tyler was just two years old at the time.

All we can say is, soak it in while you can folks. Find a way to embrace this living legend before he sets his sights on becoming the next big white guy to dominate the NBA.

Oh yeah, and don’t forget these inevitable words to be spoken by Dicky V. some time this month, a few times in February and of course, several times in March.

“Tyler Hansbrough, Big T, Psycho-T, what more can you say.  They love him here in Chapel Hill.  Back for his senior year, what a special player.

"I talked to his parents before the game, Jack and Janie, so proud of Tyler. And I’ll tell ya, they have all the reason in the world to be proud of this young man because there is not another ‘ath-a-lete’ in all of college basketball that is a bigger pleasure to be around. Just a special, special kid.”

PAST HERNIA GOODNESS ON THESE HERE PAGES.

BOOKMARK ‘EM.

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