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Now we come to the TV pitch portion of our slideshow.
Chad Ochocinco has been called many things—entertaining is one of them.
He may be somewhat of a ham, but he's never harmed anyone on the field.
He could also help people off the field, and since this is Chad Ochocinco, it would have to be televised.
I think there's only one type of show he could do here. What would the promo look like?
Coming sometime this fall, once Bill Belichick releases him...
From the producers of Jerry Springer, Maury, and The Steve Wilkos show comes daytime TV's newest talk show star.
Move over Dr. Phil, time to "kiss da baby": Chad Ochocinco is coming to daytime TV.
Every afternoon, Mr. Ocho will host real people with real problems. He'll help get to the root of these problems through his patented system he calls "Child, Please!"
Your man denying his child? "Child, Please, you know you're the father of that baby!"
Wife cheating on you? "Child, Please, you're way too good for that harlot!"
Family issues? "Child, Please!"
Spend one hour a day with Ochocinco, and you will be a changed person. It's television you can't keep your eyes off of, you never know what he'll do next!
In fact, watch as on the pilot episode he proves to Antonio Cromartie that he has another kid, then to celebrate is presented with an Emmy, which he says,
"Will be the first of many to follow!"
Critics are already raving about the show:
"The Chad Ochocinco show is the best show on television since The T.Ocho Show!" -Terrell Owens
"I've become a changed man since appearing on Chad's show! Now I know that it wasn't my fault the Bengals were terrible for all of those years!" -Carson Palmer
"Wait, you mean to tell me I threw for 517 yards against a terrible Miami Dolphins secondary, yet he only had one catch? The hack writing this article had more catches than he did that night, and he's a Dolphins Featured Columnist! He's got a pretty sweet name though. I meant the Dolphins' Featured Columnist, not Ocho!" -Tom Brady
The Chad Ochocinco Show. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll want to dance! Check it out this fall, only on The CW, you know, that network your girlfriend makes you watch sometimes.
Also coming to a TV near you...