Possible Slogans for Every NFL Team

Matt Sheehan@@MattSheehan333Analyst IAugust 3, 2011

Possible Slogans for Every NFL Team

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    "Who Dat," "America's Team" and all sorts of slogans have been thrown around year after year to attract fans to an NFL team. Some change every season, while others are a traditional string of words that has been with the team longer than the current logo.

    After a long and tedious lockout, the NFL may want to think about mandating a slogan to lure fans back into the excitement of watching football again this fall. If any teams are in need of a quick and witty slogan for fans, they should look no further than this list.

Arizona Cardinals

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    "Where Meltdowns are Done to Perfection"

    From Dennis Green to Derek Anderson, the Arizona Cardinals have put on quite the number of shows in the press room. The most recent one came from Anderson, after he was caught yukking it up on the sidelines with one of his teammates during a Monday night beat-down.

    I'm guessing that if the team asks him if it's alright to use this slogan, he'll respond with "that's fine, that's fine," six times in a row, or just simply avoid the question and talk about his week.

    After all, that is how he addresses questions.

Atlanta Falcons

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    "Now Featuring More Than One Option for Matty Ice"

    Roddy White is a great receiver, there is no doubting that, but maybe he was a little too good.

    The Falcons relied heavily on White, targeting him a league-high 179 times. The number two target for Matt Ryan was tight end Tony Gonzalez.

    Now, I'm not an offensive coordinator, but wouldn't you want a better number two option that a tight end? I'm thinking yes.

    Now that the Falcons drafted Julio Jones ('Roll Tide' Nation, where you at?) expect the attention to slightly stray away from the target of the year.

Baltimore Ravens

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    "Overreaction at its Finest"

    If you don't know who I'm talking about by now, it's Ray Lewis. The guy is an outstanding middle linebacker, don't get me wrong, but he needs to take it down about eight notches.

    I don't have the exact stat for this, but I am fairly certain Ray Lewis leads the league in jumping on the pile and freaking out in celebration once the play is over.

    Lewis also had a typical moment when he came out and said that crime would skyrocket if there was no NFL season. Okay Ray, whatever you say.

    Did anyone else notice how he said it, too? Even a soap opera director would have said it was way too dramatic.

    Again, there is no doubt he is one entertaining NFL figure, but he can dial it down a tad and still have the same impact.

Buffalo Bills

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    "If We Lose, it's God's Fault"

    Whether you are a religious person or not, odds are you know that receiver Steve Johnson was out of line after a dropped game-winning catch against the Steelers. Just moments after the game, he came out with tweets that read "I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!!," and "YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO..."

    Right Steve, because if God should be focusing on anything, its not starvation, terrorism or disorder in third world countries, its a Buffalo Bills game. Give me a break.

Carolina Panthers

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    "The Debate Ends Here"

    "Is Cam Newton ready? Can he be a quarterback in the NFL? How will his accuracy be?"

    For goodness' sake, we don't know, and we won't know until a couple weeks into the season. I think I speak for a great number of people when I say that I am tired of hearing analysts' Cam Newton predictions. So far this guy's career is a bigger mystery than the storyline of Lost.

    How about this: We hold off all discussion and future-reading attempts and just wait for the kid's career to start, then we can talk about his career. Deal?

Chicago Bears

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    "Walk on Over to See Us Play, but Not if You Feel Pressured To"

    Heck yes, I'm ripping Jay Cutler on this one.

    Last year in the NFC Championship Game, Cutler split the football world in half when he bowed out of the biggest game of his career with a knee injury. Some said he wasn't tough enough and should have played, others said the pressure got to him and just about everyone else said that what he did was justified.

    Whatever the verdict may be, Cutler will now have that game looming over his head for a long time, if not forever.

    The funny thing was that Cutler was seen just a day after the game walking around L.A. with his girlfriend Kristin Cavallari. Sure, he may have had a slight limp, but that only aggravated Bears fans more.

Cincinatti Bengals

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    "Check us Out Before the Rest of the Team Checks Out!"

    In the next couple weeks, the world of football will be watching the biggest "Talk is Cheap" exposé in recent memory. Carson Palmer has come out numerous times saying that if he doesn't get traded out of Cincy then he will retire.

    That's right, Carson Palmer hates playing in a Bengals uniform so much that he is willing to stop playing football forever. Ouch.

    Chad Ochocinco also couldn't wait to get away from the tiger stripes, and you have to start wondering if this is an organization that practices torture methods in the locker room if players are jumping out of their cleats to be ousted.

Cleveland Browns

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    "See the Madden Cover in Person!"

    Not a whole lot of good has been going down in Cleveland in the past decade or so, but they had something to smile about even in the midst of work stoppage. This year's Madden poster child came down to a public vote and, defying all odds, Peyton Hillis somehow made his way to the top over Mike Vick.

    Unfortunately for Cleveland, this may be the best the season will get for them, as they stare at another playoff-less year. All well, at least whenever someone plays Madden 2012 they'll think of good ol' Peyton.

Dallas Cowboys

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    "This is Our Season! Just Like Last Season. And the One Before That, and the One Before That..."

    If there is one team in the NFL that always has strong faith in themselves, it's the Dallas Cowboys. Year after year, Cowboys fans' hopes are brought up to Super Bowl expectations and them dropped to top-15 draft pick realizations. This seems to happen every single season.

    Well surprise, surprise, everyone, this year is no different. America's team, according to analysts and experts, are on their way to another Super Bowl! Buy your tickets now, Dallas, because remember, the earlier you buy them, the less uncomfortable it is to sell them after Week 7.

Denver Broncos

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    "We have a fever, and the only prescription is more Tebow."

    Seriously, who doesn't love Tim Tebow? Alright, a couple handfuls of people, but last year's jersey sales beg to differ. According to sportsbusinessdigest.com, Tebow ranked third in jersey sales, and was in front of Tom Brady and Peyton Manning. You know, quarterbacks that actually played.

    Tebow-mania has swept the nation ever since he brought home the Heisman in his sophomore year at Florida, and boy did it ever carry into the NFL. Even if he isn't the next John Elway, Bronco fans will still adore him to no end.

Detroit Lions

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    "Watch us Sell Out Every Single Game!"

    For the past couple of seasons, the Detroit Lions have struggled to sell out home games for two reasons. One reason was the terrible hit that the Motor City took in the recession. The second reason was that the Lions flat-out sucked.

    This season, the Lions are trying to do something that they haven't performed since Bill Clinton was in office, and that is something I like to call "giving fans hope."

    The Lions have arguably the best defensive line in the game, and with the signings of Justin Durant and Stephen Tulloch, the Lions' defense is no longer a joke. On the offensive side of the ball, they have the tools to generate a lot of points, and with that they give Lions fans many reasons to come out to Ford Field and watch a game.

Green Bay Packers

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    "Come Join us at the Frozen Hangover"

    When a team wins a Super Bowl, a good amount of fans wake up the next morning feeling what their team will next season; that is, the championship hangover. Just look at last year's Saints team: they won a Super Bowl for the first time in years, and they entered the next playoffs not hungry and got stomped by the Seahawks.

    I'm not saying the hangover is going to stick with the Packers the whole season, but there definitely will be some symptoms shown due to how thrilling the road to the Lombardi trophy was. The Packers will be great, but the hangover could be epic and quite chilly.

Houston Texans

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    "Who knows, maybe we'll see Andre Johnson whoop that Finnegan guy again"

    I don't know about you, but my highlight from Houston last year was seeing Andre Johnson beat Titans defensive back Cortland Finnegan like a drum.

    The two will meet up again twice in the 2011-2012 season, and Houston hosts the Titans in what could be a crucial week 17 game. If Finnegan keeps running his mouth, which he is notorious around the league for doing, we could see round two of the most incredible football beat-down in the past decade.

Indianapolis Colts

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    "No, this isn't a commercial break, this is actually the game"

    If you watch a Colts game in its entirety, you are guaranteed to see Peyton Manning get a lot of face time. If you aren't watching the Colts on a Sunday, you are still guaranteed to see Peyton Manning get a lot of face time.

    Peyton Manning has officially become the Billy Mays of the NFL, popping up in commercials for Gatorade, Reebok, Oreo and more. At some point in time, fans will be so used to seeing Manning that they will accidentally curse his name the next time their QB throws a pick, and then shortly realize that their quarterback isn't Peyton Manning, its the other ball thrower on TV.

    I can only imagine how ecstatic Manning lovers must be on Sundays, because they can go a whole day on the couch and see their man for over six hours combined on the flat screen.

Jacksonville Jaguars

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    "We Don't Care how You do it or Who it's With, Just Get Over Here to Watch Us Play. Please."

    The Jags didn't have the lowest attendance record last year, but man, was it a chore selling out games. Even for what usually is a highly anticipated Monday Night Game, the Jags were scrapping to sell tickets the day before kickoff. Not good for a team trying to plead their case to stay in Florida.

    And as far as the picture goes? Way too awesome to keep off the slide.

Kansas City Chiefs

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    "We Won't Lose as Much as the Royals Will!"

    Last year the Kansas City Chiefs put up a good record of 10-6, but an AFC West record of 2-4 was a little worse than what fans wanted to see. The Chargers and the Broncos seem to be their only competition in the division, and if they drop the ball and somehow miss the playoffs, at least they won't be the biggest losers in K.C.

    All they need to do is not lose 80-90 games, and they got it locked up.

Miami Dolphins

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    "So Do We Have a Heisman Winner On Our Team, or Not?"

    Due to taking improper benefits at US,C Reggie Bush had his Heisman taken away from him, and blah blah blah. We all know the story, but technically Reggie Bush still has the hardware sitting on his mantle in his new Florida home.

    We know that the trophy is just a symbolic message of what the award stands for, but the committee is also opting not to hand the prestigious award to anyone else that season.

    So now what, we don't have a best player of the year all of a sudden? Are we supposed to let his ridiculous plays and numbers go unnoticed now? And are we expected to force ourselves to think that Reggie Bush never won his deserving Heisman?

Minnesota Vikings

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    "Who Are We Kidding? If it Snows, Don't Bother Coming"

    Hey, I have an idea, let's take 1/32 of an inch of Teflon, blow it up, and us it as a roof in one of the most snow-heavy states in America. Sounds good, right?

    If your answer was yes, just watch the video, and then answer the question. If your answer is still yes, than congratulations on being the person that built that roof, you have to be the only person that thought that thing would hold up.

    Maybe I'm giving the people around the roof construction a little too much crap since there have been very limited instances in which an event like this has happened, but could you imagine that happening over a section of filled seats? Yikes.

New England Patriots

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    "Watch Albert Try This Year!"

    When the infamous Albert Haynesworth inked a $100 million contract with the Redskins, he must have read something along the lines of "you must care for the game of football like Dennis Rodman cares for sanity." Either that, or Haynesworth just mailed in the last two seasons with the 'Skins out of sheer laziness and arrogance. I'll let you make the pick.

    Haynesworth, now looking to improve his image with the Patriots, shouldn't have a problem getting motivation, now that he is on a team that continuously looks to compete in the postseason. Something also tells me that Coach Belichick knows how to turn a careless player into a "leave-it-all-on-the-field" type of player.

    It doesn't matter if it's personal will or motivation coming from the coaching staff, but you will see Fat Albert try this year.

New Orleans Saints

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    "We Promise That Marshawn Lynch Thing Won't Happen Again"

    If anyone was unfamiliar with the term "beast mode" before the NFC Wild Card Game in Seattle last year, they shortly learned the true meaning with around three in a half minutes remaining in the game. Marshawn Lynch made the New Orleans Saints defense look like pee-wee players by the way he was bouncing off them and sending them to the ground.

    While that highlight was awe-inspiring for one team, the Saints had to end their season on that one brutal play. The 67-yard run closed the door on the Saints' hopes of going back-to-back, and the fact that the Seahawks were only 7-9 was just salt in the wound for that loss.

New York Giants

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    "We Learned Our Lesson About Punting in the Fourth Quarter"

    We have all heard of walk-off home runs and buzzer-beating three pointers, but rarely do you see a walk-off touchdown. Even more rare was the fact that the Eagles were down 31-10 with only eight minutes remaining in a very vital NFC East game.

    Long story short, the Giants' rookie punter, Matt Dodge, booted a line drive punt directly at one of the greatest return men in the league. That shortly became a regret, as DeSean Jackson ran into the end zone with not only the win, but the NFC East lead.

    I will bet any amount of money that the Giants will not let this happen again in 2011.

New York Jets

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    "Can We Just All Forget That Foot Video?"

    Viewer discretion is advised on account of weirdness and what-the-heck-is-going-on-ness, and it may lead to an odd feeling in your stomach. You have been warned.

    If you have already seen the video, you probably have either A) cringed, B) laughed or C) rolled your eyes when you saw that "the video" was being mentioned in this slide. If you answered "C," congratulations on being a Jets fan, it looks like you have a very competitive team this year. I also pity you because your coach can be a stage-five jackass.

    As far as the video aftermath goes, fans and even players couldn't help but to throw in their own foot-related joke with their buddies. The winner of the greatest string of foot references goes to Wes Welker for his brilliant digs at Rex Ryan before an AFC semifinal game.

Oakland Raiders

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    "What Will Al Davis Do Next?"

    Oakland fans, I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I can understand why you guys are as crazy as you are.

    Al Davis (and this is hardly a conspiracy anymore) has lost his mind. He fired head coach Tom Cable after he gave Raider Nation their best season in eight years, so apparently Davis loves being the joke of the league.

    I can only imagine what he will do next. My guess is either bringing back JaMarcus Russell to start at the helm or trying out a second stint with Randy Moss. Actually, that second one doesn't seem too far-fetched.

Philadelphia Eagles

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    "Come On Over to Forgive Michael Vick!"

    In 2010, the cool things to do were watch Jersey Shore, listen to Justin Bieber and forgive Michael Vick. In my opinion, all three of those came in doses that were way too big, especially the third one.

    Forgiving Michael Vick came to the point where everyone was treating him like the victim who just had a heroic tragedy. The fact that he was voted to the Madden cover finals by fans just showed that if you are a premier athlete, than you can get away with pretty much anything in the public eye.

    Don't get me wrong, I don't hate the guy, I just think that someone who brutally killed innocent animals just a few years ago is getting off the hook way too easily since he can still run and throw the ball.

    Please leave your "man, you're ignorant," "he's a changed person" and "you're a hater" comments below. Thank you.

Pittsburgh Steelers

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    "Well, This is Awkward..."

    Welcome to the Pittsburgh Steelers locker room, the most uncomfortable atmosphere in the NFL! In here, you'll see teammates that chewed each other apart in Men's Journal, people who stick up for Osama bin Laden and public heroes who get booked for DUIs!

    Wait, those are all bad things? And those are all happening inside the Steelers locker room? Well, this is awkward...

San Diego Chargers

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    "Can You Hear Philip Rivers Now? Good."

    If there is anything that Philip Rivers uses more than his arm, it's his huge mouth. Rivers is the only quarterback I have seen that yells back at fans, even those donning Chargers jerseys, on a consistent basis.

    Rivers has also yelled at opposing players across the field from time to time and, quite frankly, it's getting very old very quickly.

    Unless he's yelling about not making it to a Super Bowl and letting fans expectations fall for another season, he should cut the crap and focus more on being a leader.

San Fransisco 49ers

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    "This Smith Thing Will Work, Trust Us"

    The 49ers love them some Alex Smith, as they go into another season with him most likely starting under center. Smith has a record of 19-31 as a starter, but the organization is hopeful that he can bring back his career that never was under new head coach Jim Harbaugh.

    If Smith tanks another season, than the 49ers will most likely turn to Colin Kaepernick to take snaps the rest of the season, but for now, it's Smith starting at quarterback. Again.

Seattle Seahawks

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    "Where Mediocrity Shines the Brightest"

    Where else can you see 7-9 make the playoffs?


St. Louis Rams

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    "Where the Season Rests On One Shoulder"

    Last year, the Rams had a surprisingly okay season led by Sam Bradford, the same guy who had doubters due to his fragile shoulder. Luckily, the Rams got a full rookie season out of him, and this year the hopes are no different for Bradford to stay healthy.

    If Bradford's shoulder does fall apart on him again, the Rams are looking at more tough times, with A.J. Feeley as their backup. It's not the worst option in the world, but I bet Ram Country would rather have the Sooner alum as their starter.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

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    "Watch That Guy Who Punched the Fan Run the Ball"

    If you type "LeGarrette Blount" into Google, the first suggestion that pops up is "LeGarrette Blount Punch," and the same goes for YouTube. Whenever you heard his name last year, odds are you thought to yourself, "oh yeah, the guy who went bananas at Boise State and punched everybody."

    I highly doubt that is a reputation anyone wants, and for that he will always be remembered as the guy who punched the fan.

Tennessee Titans

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    "Does 7-9 Work in This Division?"

    Just the other day, the Tennessee Titans went out to sign veteran quarterback Matt Hasselbeck, the man that sent Seattle to the postseason on a 7-9 record. Now that he is with Tennessee in a moderate division, he is possibly looking at another 7-9 record.

    Only problem is that I doubt that a sub-.500 record will work with the Colts and the improved Texans in the same division. It will take a Music City Miracle for that to work out, but then again, I highly doubt that the Titans are aiming for anything less than 10 wins this year.

Washington Redskins

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    "Well, That Was One Big Headache"

    I bet it took all of the Redskins' upper management's energy not to strangle their $100 million man, Albert Haynesworth. After inking a contract that is worth enough money to buy a mansion in each state, Albert Haynesworth gave the Skins subzero effort from that point on. Now he is out of their hair and with the Patriots, and the Redskins couldn't be more thrilled.

    Another head-achy storyline was Donovan McNabb's whole stint with the team. This story could go either way with who was right and who was wrong, but either way it was something no team wants to deal with. Now that he with the Vikings, the Redskins can move on from that headache of a season and start to focus on making some noise in the NFC East.

Your Turn

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    Have a better slogan?

    Want to start talking smack about your rival on a random NFL article?

    Feel free to leave a comment below, and thanks a lot for reading and making it this far in the article!