NFL Report Cards: Team-by-Team Grades for Week 13
In this week's report cards:
• The Police reunite for a musical tribute to the Steelers offense.
• We learn what a bad Tom Brady game looks like, as well as how to do the Electric Kubiak.
• Cam Newton's receivers try to stand between him and an MVP award, but the Saints defense grabs them and pulls them out of the way.
• The Titans and Jaguars kick off college bowl season with a bang.
• NFC East football reaches a new low Monday night.
And much more.
Remember, these are the report cards, not the power rankings. Each team gets a clean slate each week. Visit the final slide for the year-to-date GPAs.
Seattle Seahawks: A
1 of 33
This Week's Result: Seahawks 38, Vikings 7
Offense (A): After an early-game Thomas Rawls fumble and some trouble with the Vikings pass rush, the Seahawks offense kicked into an overdrive they did not have two months ago. Russell Wilson (21-of-27, 274 yards, three touchdowns, one rushing touchdown) was more impressive than Cam Newton when you account for the fact Wilson faced a playoff-caliber defense while Newton picked apart 11 bouncers from Bourbon Street.
Defense (A+): The Vikings gained just 125 offensive yards, and they were scattered across 10 possessions that went nowhere.
Special Teams/Coaching (A-): The minus is for the kickoff-return touchdown. The Seahawks offense and defense are each peaking at the right time. The rest of the NFC contenders had better race to lock up every home playoff game they can get.
Looking Ahead: The Seahawks were forcing pick-sixs from Matt Schaub long before it became a meme.
Pittsburgh Steelers: A
2 of 33
This Week's Result: Steelers 45, Colts 10
Offense (A): Hit it, Sting!
Todd Haley scratches his belly and thinks
Big Ben is healthy, and their defense, it stinks!
Antonio, Martavis and Wheaton
Their secondary's already been beaten!
Bombs away, when Ben's OK!
Bombs away, the Steelers' way!
Defense (A): Brandon Boykin and Jarvis Jones, two guys the Steelers have been looking for production from all season, recorded interceptions. James Harrison provided three sacks, but you only get partial credit for chasing Charlie Whitehurst around in the fourth quarter of a blowout. What? Harrison likes to earn his praise!
Special Teams/Coaching (A-): Jacoby Jones somehow managed to fumble twice (one kickoff, one punt) on a night when the Steelers could do almost nothing else wrong. That meant Antonio Brown was returning punts for touchdowns and celebrating by atomic crotch-slamming the goalpost in the fourth quarter of a blowout. Brown shouldn't be returning punts in the fourth quarter. Jones shouldn't be drawing an NFL paycheck.
Looking Ahead: Three divisional road games in four weeks, starting with the Bengals, plus a visit from the Broncos. Don't make playoff plans just yet, Steelers fans.
Cincinnati Bengals: A
3 of 33
This Week's Result: Bengals 37, Browns 3
Offense (A): Methodical domination of a bad opponent by all of the healthy key contributors on offense. You know, the kind of victory the Bengals are supposedly incapable of in December.
Defense (A): Did you know that Reggie Nelson leads the NFL with seven interceptions? We write three around-the-league articles/slideshows per week here at Report Card headquarters but needed a reader on Twitter to inform us that Reggie Nelson leads the NFL with seven interceptions. The Bengals really are defined by one all-consuming narrative, aren't they?
Special Teams/Coaching (A-): The Bengals are docked half a point for going for it on fourth downs and using their wacky A-11 formation in the fourth quarter of a blowout. They came to their senses and plugged AJ McCarron in for Andy Dalton, however, after this brief flirtation with run-up-the-score tactics.
Looking Ahead: A Steelers rematch. The final score of this one isn't going to be 16-10.
Arizona Cardinals: A-
4 of 33
This Week's Result: Cardinals 27, Rams 3
Offense (B-): The Cardinals' average drive started at their own 17-yard line, thanks mostly to the punting heroics of Johnny "Please Send Help" Hekker. Early Cardinals drives stalled after three or four first downs. A 98-yard drive against an exhausted Rams defense finally blew the game open.
David Johnson (99 rushing yards, one receiving touchdown) had a fine game in relief of Chris Johnson and Andre Ellington. Larry Fitzgerald, Michael Floyd and John Brown (21-272-0 combined) took turns picking on the Rams secondary.
Defense (A+): The Rams were 1-of-12 on third-down conversions. That's actually a typical Rams performance, but the Cardinals deserve credit for keeping things real.
Special Teams/Coaching (B+): The Rams had some productive punt and kickoff returns, but that's a nitpick. The Cardinals committed just three penalties and got quality games out of reserves in key roles like David Johnson and cornerback Justin Bethel.
Looking Ahead: The Cardinals host the Vikings on Thursday night. Wait, who scheduled an awesome Thursday night matchup?
Philadelphia Eagles: A-
5 of 33
This Week's Result: Eagles 35, Patriots 28
Offense (C-): This was probably the worst offensive performance in history by a team that scored 35 points to beat a defending Super Bowl champion. The Eagles mustered just two legitimate scoring drives.
Sam Bradford threw for 120 yards. DeMarco Murray (8-24-0) got demoted to overpriced-decoy status, which sounds like a brilliant preserve team culture move until Kenjon Barner is fumbling the ball back to Tom Brady with a minute left to play.
Defense (A-): Malcolm Jenkins' pick-six pumped up the volume on his quiet All-Pro-caliber season. Connor Barwin and Brandon Graham each sacked Tom Brady twice; the pass rush was nasty all game. The "minus" is for Brady's near-comeback in the fourth quarter.
Special Teams/Coaching (A+): The Eagles special teams provided two touchdowns; coordinator Dave Fipp should get some interviews for head coaching positions after what he has done in the past three years.
The Eagles also recovered two out of three Patriots onside kicks, including a surprise dropkick that was supposed to provide a knockout punch in the second quarter. Chip Kelly probably bought himself a year by proving he still had enough control of the locker room to spark an epic team-effort upset. Just ignore the fact the offense is still a complete mess.
Looking Ahead: A three-game home stand starts with the Bills. Chip Kelly vs. Rex Ryan is gonna be wacky.
Carolina Panthers: B+
6 of 33
This Week's Result: Panthers 41, Saints 38
Offense (B+): This may seem like a low grade for a team that scored 41 points, but the Saints defense spots opponents the first two touchdowns, and the Panthers get docked a letter grade for drops by Ted Ginn Jr. (approximately 19 of them for 1,760 yards lost) and other receivers. In one third-quarter sequence, Ginn dropped a wide-open bomb, then Devin Funchess whiffed on a short sideline pass.
Cam Newton, bless his heart, figured the solution was to throw deep to Corey Brown, who has hands like ankles. Newton uncharacteristically missed Brown. The Panthers would have scored 60 points if Newton had the Cardinals receiving corps to throw to.
Still, enough wide-open receivers actually caught Newton's passing to supplement the bootleg-and-misdirection rushing game, which the Saints predictably reacted like cavemen trying to figure out a smartphone.
Defense (C): Uncharacteristically sloppy.
Special Teams/Coaching (A-): There were moments of brilliance, like Newton's 30-yard bootleg on 4th-and-1. The blocked extra point was one of those fluke plays in a really fluky game. The Panthers kept coming back and coming back, which is a credit to what Ron Rivera's team has become over the last year.
Looking Ahead: The quest for home-field advantage throughout the playoffs begins with the first of two games against the Falcons that looked really important about six weeks ago.
Buffalo Bills: B+
7 of 33
This Week's Result: Bills 30, Texans 21
Offense (B): The Bills neutralized a less-than-100-percent-healthy J.J. Watt by double-teaming him on passes, pinning him to the outside on runs and using a run-heavy approach to limit 3rd-and-long situations.
LeSean McCoy and Mike Gillislee combined for 28-153-0 on the ground. Tyrod Taylor rushed for a touchdown and picked his spots in the passing game, hitting Sammy Watkins for two 53-yard receptions. Charles Clay delivered a wide-open fourth-quarter touchdown plus lots of fine blocking on the perimeter, sometimes against Watt.
Defense (B): The Texans moved the ball well for most of the game. But the Bills generated enough pressure to produce stops when they mattered (like late in the fourth quarter) and limited DeAndre Hopkins to five catches for 88 yards and a touchdown.
Special Teams/Coaching (A-): A week after game-planning against the Chiefs as if they had never seen a Chiefs game, Rex Ryan and his staff were ready for Watt and Hopkins, despite injuries along their own offensive line. The Bills committed just five penalties, even though Richie Incognito vs. J.J. Watt sounds like a grindhouse movie. Dan Carpenter's missed extra point and long field goal lower the grade slightly.
Looking Ahead: Which Eagles team will show up? Which Bills team will show up? How many Buddy Ryan questions will Rex field during his midweek conference call? I hope to ask at least two...
Kansas City Chiefs: B
8 of 33
This Week's Result: Chiefs 34, Raiders 20
Offense (C): Jeremy Maclin and Travis Kelce combined for 11 receptions, 137 yards and two touchdowns. The rest of the Chiefs combined for 5-25-0. Maclin and Kelce each fumbled after catches. Alex Smith extended his interception-free streak to nine games and provided 23 rushing yards and a touchdown on scrambles.
Defense (A): The Chiefs' final 20 points were the direct result of turnovers.
Special Teams/Coaching (B): The Chiefs committed 11 penalties and failed on two of three two-point conversion attempts. But the defense served up a huge game without Justin Houston, and the offense survived with a replacement center.
Looking Ahead: The next four games—Chargers, at Ravens, Browns and Raiders—are all quite winnable.
Denver Broncos: B
9 of 33
This Week's Result: Broncos 17, Chargers 3
Offense (C): Brock Osweiler looked great doing the Electric Kubiak (play-faking, rolling out, reading half the field, rifling a pass...it's a blast to do at weddings) in the first half.
As the game progressed, however, the Chargers started pinching the corners or blitzing up the middle, and Osweiler began throwing off his back foot. Not coincidentally, the Broncos stopped scoring. Not to pour ice water on the Osweiler for president campaign or anything.
Defense (A): Von Miller recorded two sacks. Malik Jackson (three quarterback hits, two passes defensed) disrupted the middle. Danny Trevathan, Josh Bush and Darian Stewart forced turnovers.
Special Teams/Coaching (B): The Broncos committed just three penalties on a day when they had to play close to the vest. The offensive game plan was adequate for the opponent. Hopefully, Gary Kubiak is getting Osweiler ready to counteradjust to defenses that are rapidly catching on to him.
Looking Ahead: The Raiders are a breather before a Steelers-Bengals showdown series.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: B
10 of 33
This Week's Result: Buccaneers 23, Falcons 19
Offense (B): Doug Martin and Charles Sims rushed for 151 yards, most of them straight down the esophagus of the Falcons defense. Jameis Winston had a tipped-pass interception but also rushed for a touchdown, managed the game like an eighth-year vet and made plays with his arm and legs on the final drive.
Defense (B): The Buccaneers have the perfect anti-Falcons defense. They're built to allow short passes and runs while waiting for the opponent to do something stupid.
Special Teams/Coaching (B): The Buccaneers don't have enough talent or experience yet to be anything more than wild-card hangers-on. But they have grown into a remarkably consistent team that plays at roughly the same level each week and never makes the same set of growing-pain mistakes two weeks in a row.
Looking Ahead: A rematch with the Saints.
New York Jets: B
11 of 33
This Week's Result: Jets 23, Giants 20
Offense (B): Brandon Marshall, Eric Decker and Bilal Powell combined for 28-323-2 in the passing game. Wait...Bilal Powell? (Checking stat sheet, game film, blood sugar.) Yep, Bilal Powell. The Jets were unimpressive for much of the game but came on strong once the Giants tired themselves out with a no-huddle offense that produced a bunch of 78-second possessions.
Defense (B+): The defensive line shut down the run as usual, allowing just 3.1 yards per carry and producing some short-yardage stops. The secondary coped with the absences of Darrelle Revis and Marcus Williams admirably.
Special Teams/Coaching (C+): The Jets allowed a punt-return touchdown and almost allowed a kickoff-return touchdown in overtime. Randy Bullock hit three short field goals, two of which were evidence the Jets couldn't punch the ball in the end zone. (The third was an overtime game-winner.)
Todd Bowles and coordinator Kacy Rodgers did not tie their coverage concepts in knots to stop Odell Beckham Jr. without Revis. They trusted Buster Skrine (with some safety help), absorbed some big plays and shut down everything else the Giants tried to do.
Looking Ahead: First the Titans, then a trip to Dallas. The Jets really want to be above .500 for the season before that Patriots rematch.
Tennessee Titans: C+
12 of 33
This Week's Result: Titans 42, Jaguars 39
Offense (A-): Marcus Mariota had another signature game: three touchdown passes on 20-of-29 passing, plus an 87-yard rushing touchdown. His only interception was a tipped pass, though a strip-sack near his own end zone led to an easy Jaguars score.
Mariota got to run several options (with middling success), and fellow rookies Dorial Green-Beckham (5-119-1) and David Cobb (13 carries for 40 yards) are starting to play well.
Defense (D+): This was a regular 21-19 game until all heck broke loose in the fourth quarter. The Titans' defensive touchdown came on an unforced error. They allowed too many big plays on bombs and catch-and-runs in the middle of the field.
Special Teams/Coaching (B): That stands for BEST BELK BOWL EVER.
Looking Ahead: Marcus Mariota takes Manhattan as the Titans visit the Jets.
San Francisco 49ers: C+
13 of 33
This Week's Result: 49ers 26, Bears 20
Offense (C): The 49ers got stuck at 13 points for the third consecutive week before Blaine Gabbert used one of his Russell Wilson Jr. power-ups late in the fourth quarter. Gabbert's bullet-time scramble and Torrey Smith's 71-yard touchdown—the two plays you saw on the highlight reel—were the only two big plays the 49ers offense produced.
Defense (B): NaVorro Bowman registered 14 total tackles and led a defense that limited Jay Cutler to lots of incompletions and seven-yard passes. Jimmie Ward returned an interception for a touchdown.
Special Teams/Coaching (C+): The 49ers no longer play like they are watching the clock and waiting for quitting time. But if you replay that game 100 times, the Bears win on a late field goal or trip up Gabbert during his six-minute run to glory about 97 times.
Looking Ahead: Blaine Gabbert vs. Johnny Manziel! How are they not flexing this game to Sunday night?
Miami Dolphins: C
14 of 33
This Week's Result: Dolphins 15, Ravens 13
Offense (D): Ryan Tannehill completed nine of 19 passes for 86 yards, 38 of those yards on one pass to DeVante Parker. It's probably safe to say all of the Tannehill supporters on the coaching staff are gone and that Tannehill will now have to travel to road games in a storage crate. Lamar Miller (20-113-0) nearly fumbled the game away in the fourth quarter, but it's OK because the coaches believe in him.
Defense (B): It takes more than a Matt Schaub pick-six to earn an A, guys.
Special Teams/Coaching (C): The decision to go for two after Ravens penalties moved the ball inside the 1-yard line was prudent. Everything else the Dolphins do these days feels pretty cuckoo, right down to the possibility that they will interpret a narrow home win with just eight offensive first downs against a shell of a team with a human turnover at quarterback as some kind of "validation" of the interim coaching regime.
Looking Ahead: The Giants are coming. They aren't great, but you may have to throw downfield now and then to beat them.
Green Bay Packers: C
15 of 33
This Week's Result: Packers 27, Lions 23
Offense (C-): The Packers shook off some of their self-destructive tendencies after a first half of fundamentally dumb football. Richard Rodgers (8-146-1) was having a fine game even before the Motown Miracle.
But Packers running backs combined for 41 yards and 2.2 yards per carry, the team was 3-of-12 on third-down conversions, and only two Packers scoring drives qualify as "drives" in the traditional sense, one of which ended on a fumble-into-the-end-zone touchdown.
Defense (C+): The defense settled down and kept the Packers in the game after a pair of long early drives and a short-field touchdown.
Special Teams/Coaching (C): Hey, late penalties and Hail Mary miracles are great. So...is the plan now to win the Super Bowl with an offense built around Richard Rodgers and John Crockett? It's pretty clear Eddie Lacy is two Krispy Kremes away from becoming a healthy scratch on Sundays, but the Packers are supposed to be too good an organization to string him along for a month and hope he gets the hint.
Looking Ahead: The arrival of the Cowboys allows us to relive some controversial officiating. Which is pretty much all we ever do these days anyway.
Detroit Lions: C
16 of 33
This Week's Result: Packers 27, Lions 23
Offense (C): The Lions moved the ball easily on their first three drives and then stopped. There was a long period of first-down handoffs for minimal gains, second-down short passes to nowhere and third-down sacks or pressured incompletions, with almost no input from Calvin Johnson. Wait...wasn't Joe Lombardi fired?
Defense (C): Docked a full letter grade for letting you know what to happen with 0:00 on the clock.
Special Teams/Coaching (C): Matt Prater hit three field goals. The Lions showed a lack of killer instinct on both sides of the ball when playing with a 20-0 lead.
As for the penalty at the end of the game: Far be it from the Report Card graders to stand in the way of a runaway Twitter flash mob, but if it takes a super slow-mo replay of the third camera angle and a fine-tooth-comb interpretation of the rulebook to determine the officials made a bad call, then THE OFFICIALS REALLY DIDN'T MAKE A BAD CALL. And you still have to defend a Hail Mary properly.
Looking Ahead: Lions at Rams. Rebuilding at relocating.
Houston Texans: C
17 of 33
This Week's Result: Bills 30, Texans 21
Offense (C): Penalties, lack of commitment to the run and some strange decision-making marred a solid game by Brian Hoyer (293 passing yards, three touchdowns) and some DeAndre Hopkins (5-88-1) heroics. Jonathan Grimes ran well on the first few drives but disappeared from the game plan for a half. The Texans shifted into the Wildcat a few times but didn't really commit to the plays they ran.
Defense (C): J.J. Watt was not at full strength due to nagging injuries. The Texans defense is very ordinary when Watt is playing like a borderline Pro Bowler instead of a Hall of Famer.
Special Teams/Coaching (C): If the Texans trust Hoyer to throw the ball 40-plus times per game against an opponent like the Bills, why run the Wildcat at all? And if they are going to run it, why snap the ball to Grimes, a player they consider expendable from the start of the second quarter until the middle of the fourth?
Looking Ahead: The Patriots are coming. Try not to turn ranch-dressing white while paling in comparison, guys.
Dallas Cowboys: C
18 of 33
This Week's Result: Cowboys 19, Redskins 16
Offense (D): It's hard to say what happened. When Matt Cassel is playing quarterback, all memories of what the Cowboys tried to do are erased seconds after events occur.
There were definitely some fumbles. And Dez Bryant was ignored for most of the game, which makes absolutely no sense. Jason Witten definitely crossed the 1,000-catch plateau for his career, which only reminded us that watching Cowboys games was not a dreary chore as recently as last year. Also, Darren McFadden scored a touchdown too quickly after the Cowboys went without a touchdown for over 58 minutes.
None of it made a lick of sense. Don't think about it.
Defense (C): The Cowboys stopped the run fairly well; it helped that the Redskins often put seven offensive linemen on the field and told Kirk Cousins to scream "Running Play!" before the snap. But the shallow crossing route is to the Cowboys defense what a screen pass is to the Saints defense: a source of never-ending mystery and wonder.
Special Teams/Coaching (B+): Dan Bailey is earth's greatest hero for sparing us overtime. Chris Jones gets honorable mention for hustling after DeSean Jackson's punt-return fumble. And Lucky Whitehead gets a nod for that late-game kickoff return to set up Bailey. Nobody on the Cowboys coaching staff gets a lick of credit for anything.
Looking Ahead: Watching the Cowboys lose to the Packers will be about as exciting as listening to two Cowboys fans from Matawan, New Jersey, complain about the #DezCatch for three-and-a-half hours.
Washington Redskins: C
19 of 33
This Week's Result: Cowboys 19, Redskins 16
Offense (C): Dink, dunk, dinkity-dunk, handoff behind a seven-lineman formation that goes nowhere because the defense knows what's coming when seven linemen are on the field, more dink, more dunk, stalled drive just outside the red zone, field-goal attempt, repeat until viewers are comatose. Then let all heck break loose in the final minute.
Defense (B): The Redskins controlled the line of scrimmage, preventing the Cowboys from moving the ball consistently all night. Of course, the Cowboys are terrible.
Special Teams/Coaching (D): The Cowboys could not stop short passes over the middle at all, so naturally Jay Gruden kept emphasizing the run, bringing drives to a rolling halt with wasted plays. DeSean Jackson is going to do what DeSean Jackson is going to do with the ball in his hands in a critical situation. This was a miserable game between two miserable teams in a miserable division.
Looking Ahead: This mighty juggernaut rumbles into Chicago.
New York Giants: C
20 of 33
This Week's Result: Jets 23, Giants 20
Offense (C-): The Giants went uptempo for most of the game. However, it worked about as well for them as it usually does for the Eagles these days: Early stalled drives resulted in under 10 minutes of time of possession in the first half.
Attempts to force-feed Odell Beckham Jr. had mixed results; Beckham went 6-149-1, but no one else in the offense ever established any rhythm. When the Giants reached goal-to-go situations, they suddenly wanted nothing to do with Beckham. Short field goals and a red-zone interception were the inevitable results.
Defense (C): The Jets scored 13 points on three drives totaling 35 plays and 212 yards in the fourth quarter and overtime. If you are going to go no-huddle, you must make sure you aren't leaving an injury-depleted defense on the field to keel over late in the game.
Special Teams/Coaching (B-): Dwayne Harris produced a punt-return touchdown that was almost a mixed blessing for a defense that had to march right back onto the field. Harris also nearly broke off a kickoff-return touchdown in overtime.
The Giants have now lost two of the types of games they used to win back when they crawled into Super Bowls, which means they won't be crawling into any Super Bowls this year.
Looking Ahead: Giants-Dolphins. Dan Campbell would totally have fired someone after this Giants loss.
Chicago Bears: C-
21 of 33
This Week's Result: 49ers 26, Bears 20
Offense (C-): Jay Cutler (18-of-31, 202 yards, no touchdowns, one pick-six) had another one of those games where too many of his completions were lateral passes for minimal gains and too many drives stalled at the fringe of field-goal range. The Bears rushed for 170 yards but got into trouble whenever it was 3rd-and-long.
Defense (C+): The 49ers were held to one long drive sandwiched among six three-and-outs before the end of the fourth quarter.
Special Teams/Coaching (D): Robbie Gould missed two field goals, including a potential game-winner. Deonte Thompson made Gould's would-be heroics possible with a 74-yard kick return.
The Bears ran the ball well and controlled both lines of scrimmage for 58 minutes. It's the coaching staff's job to make sure a game like this is put beyond the reach of a miracle scramble and a missed field goal.
Looking Ahead: The Bears better hope Kirk Cousins doesn't Gabbert them when the Redskins visit.
New England Patriots: C-
22 of 33
This Week's Result: Eagles 35, Patriots 28
Offense (D+): Tom Brady had the bad Brady game. Once or twice per year, when Brady's offensive line and receiver corps have been depleted to the point where he is living in Alex Smith's world, Brady starts dancing in the pocket too long or heaving deep passes to no one in particular.
Brady snapped out of it in the fourth quarter, but there was only so much he could do when second-year running back James White (10-115-1 as a receiver) was the closest thing he had to a reliable downfield target.
Defense (B): The Eagles only netted 248 offensive yards. Some sacks or turnovers before the final minute of the fourth quarter would have gone a long way.
Special Teams/Coaching (F): Wow, the "F" button on the keyboard refuses to depress on the Patriots' slide; you really gotta jam it down with your index finger. The special teams touchdowns were disastrous, of course.
The Nate Ebner surprise dropkick was the kind of thing that starts coach-firing rumors if the Colts attempt it. The Danny Amendola-to-Tom Brady trick play was delightful, but it was the kind of play the Patriots generally like to save for a playoff game.
Looking Ahead: A trip to Houston to visit their baby brothers. The Patriots offensive line had better pull itself together.
Oakland Raiders: C-
23 of 33
This Week's Result: Chiefs 34, Raiders 20
Offense (D): Another "growing pains" game. Derek Carr played well in the first half but succumbed to pass pressure and surrendered three late-game interceptions. Amari Cooper dropped a short pass for a fourth-down conversion. Everything snowballed against the Raiders in the fourth quarter.
Defense (C): Charles Woodson stripped the ball from Travis Kelce and gobbled up a Jeremy Maclin fumble. Khalil Mack recorded two more sacks in his bid to rise from cool indie film-junkie superstar to NFL superstar. Still, the Chiefs were able to do just enough on offense even before their defense took over the game.
Special Teams/Coaching (C-): Sebastian Janikowski missed a field goal and an extra point. The Raiders really need to solve their late-game turnover problem.
Looking Ahead: A trip to Denver, then a visit from the Packers. It's shaping up to be a long December for the Raiders.
Jacksonville Jaguars: C-
24 of 33
This Week's Result: Titans 42, Jaguars 39
Offense (B): Blake Bortles threw five touchdown passes. However, the shotgun snap remains a challenge, and Stefen Wisniewski's attempt to launch a weather satellite from between his legs cost the Jaguars the game. Also, defensive tackle/short-yardage fullback Tyson Alualu caught a 16-yard pass on a freakin' wheel route. It was that kind of game.
Defense (D): It was Tecmo Super Bowl out there.
Special Teams/Coaching (C): The film of this sandlot game looks like something spliced together by a crazy person, so it's hard to make blanket statements about the state of Gus Bradley's coaching. But the Jaguars have lost two straight crazy games against fellow bottom-feeders. They would be .500 with a pair of wins. Something is not quite clicking.
Looking Ahead: The Colts arrive for a rematch of their 16-13 victory over the Jaguars in Week 4. Wait, 16-13? Sounds like the score of a typical Jaguars fourth quarter these days.
Atlanta Falcons: D+
25 of 33
This Week's Result: Buccaneers 23, Falcons 19
Offense (D+): Poor blocking. Bad red-zone execution. Overreliance on Julio Jones, with everyone else getting pass targets more or less randomly. Matt Ryan mistakes at the worst possible times. Typical late-season Falcons football.
Defense (C-): Terrible run defense up the middle. Minimal pass rush. Shoddy tackling. Complete lack of killer instinct. Typical late-season Falcons football.
Special Teams/Coaching (D+): No creativity. No intensity. Poor situational play. Typical late-season Falcons football.
Looking Ahead: A trip to Charlotte to try to play spoiler while hooking the playoff hopes to life support.
San Diego Chargers: D+
26 of 33
This Week's Result: Broncos 17, Chargers 3
Offense (D): Melvin Gordon fumbled twice, losing one of them and his role in the offense. Danny Woodhead's only job appears to be running draw plays and screens in 3rd-and-forget-it situations. Philip Rivers' protection is terrible. The entire offense looks listless and out of sync.
Defense (B): The Chargers held the Broncos scoreless for the entire second half. Jason Verrett intercepted a pass in the end zone. Melvin Ingram recorded a sack and had a second sack negated by a borderline roughing call. The Chargers generated more pass rush than usual, which is not the same as saying the Chargers generated a lot of pass rush.
Special Teams/Coaching (D): Mike McCoy has not been offered a contract extension, even though general manager Tom Telesco is now under contract through 2019. That's what insiders call a "really big hint."
Looking Ahead: A visit to Kansas City to learn how well-coached teams handle injury-plagued seasons.
Baltimore Ravens: D+
27 of 33
This Week's Result: Dolphins 15, Ravens 13
Offense (D-): You can now conveniently download Matt Schaub pick-sixes directly to your Apple or Android devices. Javorius Allen (170 total yards) was the lone Ravens offensive player worth praising.
Defense (B): It's hard to analyze the Ravens defense in this game, because the Dolphins replaced their offensive coordinator with a guy who must think four-yard passes were worth as much as field goals. Holding an opponent with most of its offensive weapons healthy to 219 yards is an accomplishment, no matter how windy the weather or loony the opposing coaching staff.
Special Teams/Coaching (D): Justin Tucker missed a game-winning field goal. The Ravens jumped offsides twice on extra-point attempts, setting up an 18-inch two-point conversion.
Looking Ahead: Schaub vs. Seahawks. You cannot make this stuff up.
New Orleans Saints: D
28 of 33
This Week's Result: Panthers 41, Saints 38
Offense (B): Sean Payton and Drew Brees are still Sean Payton and Drew Brees. Payton threw some kitchen-sink passing concepts at the Panthers, and Brees threw to Benjamin Watson and Brandon Coleman like they were Jimmy Graham and Marques Colston.
Brandin Cooks added a 54-yard touchdown that kept the Panthers from running away with a wild game in the third quarter.
Defense (F): Which of the following was the most "Saints defense" moment for the Saints defense this week?
- Everyone chasing a fake handoff on 4th-and-1, forgetting that Cam Newton can, like, really run.
- Brandon Browner trying to unscrew Ed Dickson's helmet by his facemask like Dickson was a jug of cheap wine.
- Seven defenders standing at the 2-yard line in a "protect the end zone" picket-fence formation, then allowing Ted Ginn Jr. to run past them uncovered for a touchdown.
The correct answer is "all of the above."
Special Teams/Coaching (D): The Stephone Anthony-Kevin Williams blocked extra-point conversion was awesome, and the offensive game plan found weak spots in the Panthers defense. But the Saints committed 11 penalties, and it felt like 111.
The old Sean Payton would have benched guys for dumb taunting or unsportsmanlike conduct penalties. This Sean Payton blamed the refs instead.
Looking Ahead: A rematch with the Buccaneers, a team heading in the opposite (right, in other words) direction.
Indianapolis Colts: D
29 of 33
This Week's Result: Steelers 45, Colts 10
Offense (D): It sure was fun watching Matt Hasselbeck spray short passes around and win with guile and old-guy gumption for a few weeks. Now, when is Andrew Luck coming back?
Defense (D-): The latest victims of Ben Roethlisberger's intercontinental ballistic passing.
Special Teams/Coaching (C-): The Colts allowed a punt-return touchdown in fourth-quarter silly time. They benefited from a Jacoby Jones kickoff-return fumble, but that's like getting a free pick-six from Matt Schaub.
The Colts have no downfield passing capability with Hasselbeck and no way of stopping an opponent with great downfield capability because their pass rush is so pedestrian. Those realities just caught up with them this week.
Looking Ahead: The Jaguars, Texans, Dolphins and Titans. It's like a freshly paved HOV E-ZPass lane straight into the playoffs.
St. Louis Rams: D-
30 of 33
This Week's Result: Cardinals 27, Rams 3
Offense (F): The Rams possessed the football for 20 minutes and 13 seconds. The best Rams offense is the one you barely have to watch.
Defense (C): It kept the game close until midway through the third quarter, when it realized the offense had converted one third down that afternoon and had no interest or ability to make it two.
Special Teams/Coaching (D-): Johnny Hekker (five punts inside the 20-yard line) should be promoted to head coach, quarterback and possibly director of pro personnel.
Looking Ahead: The Lions and Rams play for pride. The Lions still have some.
Minnesota Vikings: D-
31 of 33
This Week's Result: Seahawks 38, Vikings 7
Offense (F): "We don't need a downfield passing game. We have Adrian Peterson. We're going to use heavy personnel and jam the ball down the NFL's gullet. Who needs downfield production when Teddy Bridgewater can throw four-yard passes to MyCole Pruitt? FEAR OUR OLD-FASHIONED HARD-NOSED OFFENSE. Uh-oh, we trail by 14 points early in a game. What do we do now?"
Defense (C-): Linval Joseph's absence was felt, as Thomas Rawls rushed for 101 yards and the Vikings pass rush was sporadic. The Vikings did not record a single pass defensed. They are still a man or two short in the secondary, and it shows when quality opponents have time to attack them.
Special Teams/Coaching (D): The Vikings keep proving they are not good enough to beat top contenders, and neither Mike Zimmer nor Norv Turner are coming up with ways to do something about it. Peterson is an MVP candidate and surefire Hall of Famer, but he does have trouble accepting the fact not all football problems can be solved with more Adrian Peterson.
Looking Ahead: Thursday's matchup with the Cardinals is the Vikings' last chance to prove they are more than a one-and-done playoff team.
Cleveland Browns: F
32 of 33
This Week's Result: Bengals 37, Browns 3
Offense (D-): Austin Davis had the official pointless starting debut of a Browns third-string quarterback.
Defense (F): The Bengals scored on seven consecutive drives. With Joe Haden out, the Browns have zero cornerbacks who could even be nickel defenders on a playoff team.
Special Teams/Coaching (F): The Browns reached Week 17-level futility in Week 13. Progress?
Looking Ahead: Johnny Manziel has learned his lesson. No one is sure what that lesson is. Or if he really learned whatever the lesson was. Or if he would still be learning it if Davis had even kept the score within 17.
It's logical, lasting consequences like these that send the unequivocal messages about expectations which make the Browns the franchise they are today.
Year-to-Date GPAs
33 of 33
These are the year-to-date GPAs. And yes, we have a new leader for the first time since the start of the season.
1. Carolina Panthers: 3.49
2. Cincinnati Bengals: 3.47
3. New England Patriots: 3.32
4. Arizona Cardinals: 3.02
5. Denver Broncos: 2.91
6. Kansas City Chiefs: 2.80
7. Green Bay Packers: 2.78
8. Seattle Seahawks: 2.62
9. Pittsburgh Steelers: 2.58
10. Minnesota Vikings: 2.53
11. New York Jets: 2.47
12. Chicago Bears: 2.37
13. Atlanta Falcons: 2.35
14. Oakland Raiders: 2.35
15. New York Giants: 2.35
16. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: 2.28
17. Buffalo Bills: 2.23
18. Washington Redskins: 2.16
19. Detroit Lions: 2.15
20. Houston Texans: 2.11
21. Indianapolis Colts: 1.91
22. New Orleans Saints: 1.89
23. Baltimore Ravens: 1.88
24. Miami Dolphins: 1.87
25. Philadelphia Eagles: 1.80
26. Tennessee Titans: 1.78
27. San Francisco 49ers: 1.74
28. San Diego Chargers: 1.73
29. Jacksonville Jaguars: 1.72
30. Cleveland Browns: 1.65
31. St Louis Rams: 1.64
32. Dallas Cowboys: 1.64
.png?w=480)
.jpg?w=600 "Post-June 1 Trade Candidates ☎️")
.JPG?w=600 "TO Talks Cowboys Relationship")
.jpg?w=600 "Taylor Heinicke Retiring")
.jpg?w=600 "49ers OC Hypes Mike Evans 🤩")