A Hater's Guide to NFL Week 17: Why Your Team Is Bound to Lose

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A Hater's Guide to NFL Week 17: Why Your Team Is Bound to Lose
Scott Halleran/Getty Images

A season of hate is almost over.

I'll miss you guys, really, I will.

More appropriately, I'll miss having this forum to tell all of you exactly what I think of you and your horrible teams. I'll miss the incredible feeling that washes over me as I get to pretend all of your teams have a chance to win as I dutifully predict all of them to also (rightfully) lose.

No more Ndamukong Suh bus throws. No more Matt Cassel or Blaine Gabbert jokes. No more anthropomorphizing of Jeff Fisher's facial hair. I'll miss it all. 

Things I won't miss—your face, the sad feeling that washes over me when I can't punch that face, the horrible emptiness when half of your teams don't actually lose because the NFL doesn't allow every single team to lose on any given Sunday.

Don't cry, little baby birds, I will return. A new year will be upon us soon. Auld Lang Syne and all that jazz. You know you can't live with out me. You'll be back. They always come back.

For now, cherish this last full week of hate-fueled NFL commentary.

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