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The Greatest Fantasy Football Team Names for Your 2012 Season

Kevin W. RyanContributor IIIJuly 18, 2012

The Greatest Fantasy Football Team Names for Your 2012 Season

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    A wise man once sang a charming musical number involving "It's the most wonderful time of the year," and yes, he was talking about the beginning of the fantasy football season. 

    Fantasy football has been labeled as "Nothing but Dungeons and Dragons for jocks," yet the $800-million industry seems to be doing just fine despite the criticism. 

    As you get prepared to win your league this season, here are the greatest team names for you and your new trophy...enjoy. 

    Send your most creative team names to me @kevry88 on twitter. 

     

     

    All player rankings taken from ESPN's Top 200 List

Rice, Rice Baby

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    2012 Preseason Fantasy Rank: 66 (28th for Running Backs) 

    Following a standout season in 2011 which led to a top-five fantasy rank and a near-shot at the Super Bowl, Ravens running back Ray Rice has signed a five-year deal to stay in Baltimore. 

Vilma, the Bounty Hunter

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    No Rank

    In case you jump bail in Colorado or Hawaii, there is one long blonde-haired machine of a man that will hunt you down. 

    In New Orleans, however, it seems the entire organization is riddled with bounties. 

    It's a mystery why the paper towel giant Bounty has yet to approach the Saints for a sponsorship deal.

    Seriously, Woodhouse, that's like marketing 101. 

ABC, Easy as RGIII

4 of 47

    2012 Preseason Fantasy Rank: 99 (14th for Quarterbacks) 

    Winning a Heisman Trophy at a small-market college like Baylor will, apparently, only land you as the 14th-best quarterback in fantasy football. 

    As fantasy owners learned last season with Cam Newton, a versatile quarterback like Griffin can single-handedly take your team to the playoffs. 

Farve Dollar Footlong

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    No Rank

    This team name would be average back in Favre's Packers days, but until the scandal of sending nude pictures to one of the Jets' most prominent babes, it's just purely hilarious. 

    Regardless of Favre's flirting with retirement and off-field issues, he's still one of the greatest quarterbacks in NFL history. 

Scobee Snacks

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    No Rank

    Scobee recently became one of the NFL's highest-paid kickers after the Jags inked Scobee's snacks to a four-year deal worth north of $13 million.

    Despite the large deal to snipe three-pointers in Florida, Scobee is not listed on ESPN's Top-200 fantasy players for 2012.  

Jersey Leshoure

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    No Rank

    Detroit's Mikel LeShoure is not listed as a top running back for 2012 and will likely go undrafted in your league, as he's been suspended two games for violating the league's substance abuse policy.  

    Jersey Shore fanatics can still make light of Leshoure's recent "situation" in their fantasy league.  

To Live and Addai in Indianapolis

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    2012 Pre-Season Fantasy Rank: 116 (44th for Running Backs) 

    Despite Addai's happiness on media day, the longtime Colt will be moving East to New England for the 2012 fantasy season, raising speculation on just how productive Addai will be behind Tom Brady

Too Legit, Too Legit to Britt

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    2012 Pre-Season Fantasy Rank: 66 (28th for Wide-Receivers) 

    Kenny Britt's three touchdowns in 2011 were a big disappointment for fantasy geeks nationwide, as "Too Legit to Britt" was sidelined for the majority of the season. 

    After nine TD's in 12 games in 2010 and three in as many games in 2011, Titans wideout Kenny Britt has landed as the 28th-best wide receiver for 2012. 

My My My Myyyyyy Bironas!

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    2012 Pre-Season Fantasy Rank: 159 (9th for Kickers) 

    That's right: The 1979 hit My Sharona that spent six weeks as No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 Singles chart has finally been turned into a clever fantasy football team name. 

What Would Jones-Drew?

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    2012 Pre-Season Fantasy Rank: 6 (fourth for Running Backs) 

    For those who are unfamiliar, this team name is a play on the famous What Would Jesus Do? movement. 

    What would Jones-Drew? Well, if it's anything like last season, you should probably draft him. 

Along Came Collie

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    No Rank

    Austin Collie was one of the best assets to draft in a late round just a few years back.

    However, since the loss of Peyton Manning as his quarterback, Collie's value in fantasy football has dropped faster than Enron's stock

The Hillis Have Eyes

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    2012 Pre-Season Fantasy Rank: 69 (29th for Running Backs)

    In 2010, Browns running back Peyton Hillis was largely undervalued. Heading into 2011, he was overvalued, then hit the injured reserve list. 

    After moving from Cleveland to Kansas City, Hillis could be one of the biggest sleepers of the season—all depending on his health.  

My Vick in a Box

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    2012 Preseason Fantasy Rank: 27 (sixth for Quarterbacks) 

    Mike Vick is finally back and ready to compete in 2012.

    The NFC East is clearly the best division (on paper) with new talents like RGIII competing against Vick's Eagles and the reigning Super Bowl Champion New York Giants, so drafting Vick will surely be a risk for your fantasy team, especially given Vick's recent health record.  

I Dream of Mangini

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    No Rank

    Cleveland Browns fans are sure to dream of Mangini to bring the Browns a much-needed Super Bowl title. 

    However, in reality, the rest of the NFL looks at Mangini as the snitch who turned in the Patriots and the infamous "Spygate" scandal. 

Berrian the Hatchet

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    No Rank

    Chicago fans have certainly "buried the hatchet" after Bernard Berrian left the Bears in 2008.

    The former Fresno State wideout has caught just 11 touchdowns in his four years with Minnesota. 

Clean out Ur-Lacher

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    2012 Preseason Fantasy Rank: 96 (Third for Defenses) 

    What's ironic about this team name is that Urlacher hasn't cleaned out his locker in 12 NFL seasons. 

    The Bears Captain has proven himself as one of the best linebackers in NFL history, yet at age 34, questions are raised about how much longer he'll be in an NFL uniform. 

Stafford Infection

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    2012 Preseason Fantasy Rank: 11 (fourth for Quarterbacks) 

    Did you pick Matt Stafford last year? The dude was simply a baller for Detroit, landing him the fourth-best overall quarterback before Week 1. 

    Stafford won the 2012 ESPY for Comeback Player of the Year after the former Georgia standout battled a season-ending injury, a perfect metaphor for the city of Detroit. 

    Ramble on, "Big D."

My Morning Doucet

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    No Rank

    Seeing as how the Arizona Cardinal wide receiver was given the birth name of "early," the former LSU standout is sure to have his name on a few fantasy teams around the country. 

    Last season, Doucet doubled his 2010 total in receptions and posted career numbers in yards and touchdowns. 

Revis Is My Homeboy

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    2012 Preseason Fantasy Rank: 139 (eighth for defenses) 

    From Ron Paul clothing to jesusismyhomeboy.com, this team name encompasses everything it means to be a Darrelle Revis fan.  

    Too bad for Revis, though, as only true fantasy football geniuses can win a league with individual defensive players. 

Henne Given Sunday

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    No Rank

    If you've been playing fantasy football for a number of years sans a championship, then this team name is for you. 

    Current Jaguars quarterback Chad Henne has just 36 NFL games under his belt in four NFL seasons; however, as Al Pacino clearly delivered: Anything can happen come Sunday. 

Brady Gaga

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    2012 Pre-Season Fantasy Rank: 8 (second for Quarterbacks) 

    NFL quarterback Tom Brady takes teams to the Super Bowl while Lady Gaga sells fragrance naked, so there are clearly no comparisons between the two.   

    Patriot haters nationwide will adopt this team fantasy name as an effort to dissolve the stoic career of the 199th overall draft pick; however, the career speaks for itself. 

    Brady hails form the greatest high school in sports history, which also produced Hall of Fame talent in Barry Bonds and Lynn Swann—the only high school in the nation to graduate two Super Bowl MVPs.

Forgetting Brandon Marshall

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    2012 Pre-Season Fantasy Rank: 35 (12th for Wide-Receivers) 

    This team name is very fitting, as the overrated wide receiver is now with his third NFL team in the last four seasons. 

    ESPN ranks the new Chicago Bear as the 35th best overall fantasy football player before Week 1, perhaps because Marshall averages over 1,000 yards per season. 

Huff Around the Edges

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    No Rank

    The former seventh overall selection, Michael Huff clearly knows that it's tough being an Oakland Raider, as the club has not won a playoff game since losing the 2002 Super Bowl, known as the "Curse of Barret Robbins" until the team can turn it around. 

Beli-Check Yo' Self

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    No Rank

    In case you decide to spy on your fantasy league opponents, make sure you Belichick yourself before your wreck your self. 

    Fun Fact: In Eastern Europe, this team is immediately translated to "Czech Yo' Self."

The Big Tebowski

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    No Rank

    Win, lose or tie, ESPN's SportsCenter and/or First Take will surely be talking about the heroic Tim Tebow, despite the fact that Tim failed to land on ESPN's Top-200 fantasy football player list. 

    Tebow is probably ranked No. 1 overall for fantasy punt squad members, though. 

Sacks to Be Cutler

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    2012 Preseason Fantasy Rank: 113 (15th for Quarterbacks) 

    Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler spent the majority of the offseason stretching his middle finger and showing off his horrific singing skills.

    With a top-10 wide receiver in Brandon Marshall coming in, Bears fans will expect a lot more offense in 2012. 

Orton Fears a Boo

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    No Rank

    Unless the newest Dallas Cowboy, Kyle Orton, can deliver a strong backup role for Tony Romo, he'll surely be hearing the "Boo" in Texas, former home of America's Team

Tootsie Sproles

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    2012 Preseason Fantasy Rank: 38 (16th for Running Backs) 

    The 2011 New Orleans Saints Super Bowl run was stopped short in the "Best Game of the Year," a game in which Darren Sproles rushed and received all he could to help his team. 

    Sproles' performance was violently overshadowed, though, by Gregg Williams' audio tape once the bounty scandal became public. 

Back That Asomough Up

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    2012 Preseason Fantasy Rank: 114 (Fifth for Defenses) 

    Ironically, Eagles shutdown corner Nnamdi Asomugha fears "no wide receiver," something to keep in mind when selecting this clever team name for your fantasy team.  

    Unfortunately, Juvenile will not be getting paid "per team name used."

Why so Jerious?

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    No Rank

    The St. Louis Rams were far more "Jerious" than the Atlanta Falcons, as Norwood appeared in nine games in 2011, up from just two in 2010 with Atlanta. 

    Norwood will likely back up the 24th-ranked Steven Jackson and Isiah Pead for St. Louis, a team that only features four players on the Top-200 fantasy list. 

A Partridge in a Crabtree

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    2012 Preseason Fantasy Rank: 105 (38th for Wide Receivers) 

    Par - tridge (noun): (1) A short-tailed game bird with mainly brown plumage, native to Eurasia; (2) Any of a number of birds, such as the bobwhite or ruffed grouse, that resemble the partridge. 

    The word "partridge" has seen better days in modern English language; however, the easily pun-able Michael Crabtree has his eyes set on a Super Bowl trophy come Week 1.  

Let's Get Rasharded

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    2012 Preseason Fantasy Rank: 150 (59th for Running Backs) 

    Mendenhall slipped a bit last season compared to the Steelers 2010 Super Bowl run; however, the starting running back still posted acceptable fantasy numbers in 2011.

    2010 was Mendenhall's career year, as he rushed for over 1,200 yards and 13 touchdowns in all 16 regular season games.

Live Freeney and Addai Hard

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    No Rank

    This team name is perfect for all of the movie buffs out there.

    Unfortunately for Colts fans, however, the squad has just five players in ESPN's Top-200 fantasy players following their atrocious season in 2011. 

Colt Forte-Five, and Two Zig Zags

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    2012 Preseason Fantasy Rank: 17 (eighth for Running Backs) 

    Now that Forte is inked for four more years in Chicago, Bears fans nationwide can finally stop worrying about a holdout from their starting back, so cue the Afroman song for the Chicago celebration. 

Multiple Gore-Gasms

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    2012 Preseason Fantasy Rank: 26 (13th for Running Backs) 

    While the 49ers are purely dominant behind new head coach Jim Harbaugh and his many hilarious faces, the 2012 49ers are loaded with talent starting with superstar running back Frank Gore

    Frank Gore is one of the most underrated running backs in the league at 13th overall and is sure to give your fantasy roster a Gore-gasm.  

The ShawShiancoe Redemption

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    No Rank

    The entire Minnesota Vikings franchise need a ShawShiancoe Redemption after their awful 3-13 season in 2011. 

    Visanthe Shiancoe (A.K.A. "Boats and Shiancoes") has been an NFL tight end since 2003 for numerous different quarterbacks, none more productive than Brett Favre

    Favre threw 11 touchdowns to Shiancoe in 2009, a feat he is nowhere near achieving again, as he has just five touchdowns in the last 32 games. 

Rollin' Up Blounts

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    2012 Preseason Fantasy Rank: 104 (42nd for Running Backs) 

    According to ESPN, Doug Martin (88th overall) will handle the majority of the load for the Bucs rushing game, as Blount's five touchdowns in 2011 were not enough to land him a starting role.  

    Fantasy fans have been adding creative team names thanks to Justin Smoak of the Seattle Mariners as well. 

Corn on the Schaub

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    2012 Preseason Fantasy Rank: 91 (12th for Quarterbacks) 

    Texans quarterback Matt Schaub has suited up in 64 career games for the Texans; however, was not part of their first franchise playoff win due to injury.  

    ESPN ranks Schaub as the 12th-best fantasy quarterback, as the team's captain will turn to 2012 to bring the Texans another playoff appearance. 

Breesus Christ

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    2012 Preseason Fantasy Rank: 66 (28th for Quarterbacks) 

    Drew Brees has put together a career that is nothing short of legendary. 

    When it seemed like the whole country gave up on New Orleans, Brees captained the team to the city's first ever Super Bowl championship. 

    Brees-us displays heroic leadership on the field and was recently signed to a five-year deal following the record-setting regular season in 2011. 

30 Rack of Matty Ice

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    2012 Pre-Season Fantasy Rank: 85 (11th for Quarterbacks) 

    "Matty Ice" has an incredible core of wide-receivers to throw to in 2012, and following his 4,000-yard season in 2011, ESPN ranks him as the 11th-best quarterback before Week 1. 

    If you can land a solid running back in the first two rounds, drafting the 30-rack of Matty Ice could prove to be one of the best moves of the season. 

I Got Weeden My Pocket

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    No Rank

    Seeing as how Brandon Weeden is the oldest player to ever be drafted in the first round, it's highly unlikely he'll be busted on any drug charges. Just ask Dante

    Cleveland had one of the best drafts in their franchise history, landing two potential cornerstones in Brandon Weeden and Trent Richardson, hopefully burying the horrific past of Browns quarterbacks.  

Flacco Seagulls

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    2012 Preseason Fantasy Rank: 170 (17th for Quarterbacks) 

    Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco is ranked 17th overall for fantasy quarterbacks despite his personal feeling of being the best quarterback in the NFL.

    Fans like to see professional athletes "run...run so far away" from self-promotion despite the fact that the NFL is littered with some of the world's largest egos

Burrested Development

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    2012 Preseason Fantasy Rank: 168 (55th for Wide-Receivers) 

    In case you do not think this team name is funny, be advised that Super Bowl Champion Plaxico Burress served two years in prison after he shot himself with his illegal firearm. 

    Despite lacking an NFL franchise at the moment, Plaxico still lands on ESPN's Top-200 fantasy ranking as the 55th-best wide receiver in 2012. 

Breaston Plants

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    No Rank

    In five NFL seasons, Stevie Breaston has just nine touchdowns, which is exactly why the Kansas City Chief wideout is not on the Top-200 fantasy list. 

    Breaston will likely be targeting the No. 2 receiver slot for Kansas City against Jon Baldwin, who, despite just 21 receptions in 2011, is the 52nd-best fantasy receiver on ESPN's top-200 list for 2012. 

Fire Cotchery

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    No Rank

    Steelers wideout Jerricho Cotchery is certainly on the list of the most unique-named players in the league; however, despite eight NFL seasons, Cotchery has only managed to catch 20 touchdown passes. 

    With Big Ben targeting Cotchery in 2012, his touchdown total is sure to pass last year's mark of two. 

Taste the Dwaynebowe

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    2012 Preseason Fantasy Rank: 43 (15th for Wide Receivers) 

    While Marshawn Lynch has an endorsement deal with Skittles, Dwayne Bowe and his NFL-leading 15 TD's in 2011 remain with simply a creative team name. 

    The only question remaining is just how long Bowe will be rocking a Chiefs uniform. 

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